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| Topic: why do i feel strange.... | |
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I'm sorry but WTH. You have never actually met this man. Careful be very careful. Good Luck.
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I have talked about these things with him. I ask what if when we meet everything's different?  You haven't met him yet?  "Danger! Danger!" |
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Edited by
realcarebear
on
Tue 06/23/15 12:13 PM
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Okay we've been online friends for almost two years. Through here. We talk all hours. We skype all hours. My kids kinda just blended in to the skype thing because i would just turn skype in and go about my day. Its like that almost everyday. Then one day he ask if he could teach the boys guitar. They are 4 and 5 and they listen to him. They can play too! He doesn't push to see them because they're always with me. When they are not he always ask about their health and such. Nothing that screams abuser at all. I'm going to meet him (no kids) next month. I worry about what will happen from there and how will it effect my kids.
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And for the record I don't mind him saying he loves me and my family because its the same for me. :-). I guess i didnt realize how much he and the boys were growing on each other.
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if he keeps pestering to meet your kids or it does not feel.right then cut and run this i agree with 100 percent ^^^^^^^^ |
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He doesn't pester my kids at all. Lol he's very respectful. They pester him though. He doesn't want someone to take care of him he's police he takes good care of himself. I watch my kids like a hawk and I'm pretty over protective I've seen nothing that makes me wonder. When I said I felt strange I think its because if it don't work out then he and my kids will suffer some.
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why do i feel strange.... You feel that way coz you're posessed 
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why do i feel strange.... You feel that way coz you're posessed 
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He's never been married. He does have strong family values. Oh gosh your gonna think crazy but he's not met me or my kids physically yet. (I think this is my problem) Hours and hours each day in skype though. He has taught them to play guitar he calls every morning. He finds ways to be as attentive to all of us with out actually being here. Lots of communication with us. I know his family as well as my own. Talk to his dad more than anyone in my family. I feel stupid for letting my kids get involved and there's that chance its not gonna work out. I have to say, I would not let him NEAR the kids until you have met. |
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Edited by
jacktrades
on
Tue 06/23/15 01:12 PM
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RC I understand where he is coming from.Years ago when I met my Ex we dated for awhile and then I met her daughter, I saw how sweet she was around her daughter and how good a mother she was and it made me want her even more.I think you should take it as a compliment the fact that he wants the total package and not only wants to come around when you can get a babysitter. I joined this thread later in and saw where you have not met him yet, well I still think he is giving you a compliment but you are right to keep a open eye on your family its natural.
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Yeah he won't be around my kids for a long time. And even after he actually meets them he won't ever be alone with them.
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Edited by
karen1997
on
Tue 06/23/15 01:57 PM
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You are definitely a very loving and caring mother
 Go with your gut feeling and it all will work out for the best 
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RC I understand where he is coming from.Years ago when I met my Ex we dated for awhile and then I met her daughter, I saw how sweet she was around her daughter and how good a mother she was and it made me want her even more.I think you should take it as a compliment the fact that he wants the total package and not only wants to come around when you can get a babysitter. I joined this thread later in and saw where you have not met him yet, well I still think he is giving you a compliment but you are right to keep a open eye on your family its natural. ((((Chuck))))...Nice post and I agree, I think he was paying Carebear a compliment...Plus, as one mom to another, it goes without saying that she will meet him first and DECIDE from that point on when she will introduce him to her children... |
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Coming from a dudes perspective, I never want to meet a chick's kid(s) until she and I have dated for a bit. Then her kids can meet me, fall in love with me, and ask Daddy Goof to buy them toys and chit. This is why I don't date around the holidays. Kids and gifts....little brats be wanting stuff. I ain't Santa.
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Coming from a dudes perspective, I never want to meet a chick's kid(s) until she and I have dated for a bit. Then her kids can meet me, fall in love with me, and ask Daddy Goof to buy them toys and chit. This is why I don't date around the holidays. Kids and gifts....little brats be wanting stuff. I ain't Santa.  Such a charmer.... 
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Coming from a dudes perspective, I never want to meet a chick's kid(s) until she and I have dated for a bit. Then her kids can meet me, fall in love with me, and ask Daddy Goof to buy them toys and chit. This is why I don't date around the holidays. Kids and gifts....little brats be wanting stuff. I ain't Santa. Such a charmer.... Well I aim to please. 
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Coming from a dudes perspective, I never want to meet a chick's kid(s) until she and I have dated for a bit. Then her kids can meet me, fall in love with me, and ask Daddy Goof to buy them toys and chit. This is why I don't date around the holidays. Kids and gifts....little brats be wanting stuff. I ain't Santa. My "little brats" hardly ever ask me for anything material wise. They won't be asking my boyfriend lol They do ask to say hi and show him things they learned. They only see him in skype or talk to him on the phone. |
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why do i feel strange Because you've never met the guy in person. And it takes in person to feel all sorts of things and have all sorts of chemicals produced. Because you are actually feeling emotions, they're looking to be associated with something, because you're telling yourself there's a relationship there...but there's really nothing for them to latch on to...because he's mostly just a fantasy on the internet and in your head. Kind of like reading the cat in the hat to an octopus in an empty room. The octopus reaches out a tentacle to grab the cat, but can't latch on to anything. It knows the cat exists, it's just heard the story in vivid detail, even seen some pictures, and maybe the movie on television. But...there's just nothing to attach the tentacle to. So it's going to feel strange. There's "supposed" to be something there to attach it to. It needs the feedback. Otherwise you feel strange because you are insecure and looking to sabotage yourself in order to try and protect yourself from a greater future harm. Yeah he won't be around my kids for a long time. You don't see the irony here? So...skype and internet doesn't count as being around your kids? Why does it count as not being around your kids....but does count as being around you, long enough to build a relationship for "love?" You also say I don't mind him saying he loves me and my family because its the same for me You love him and his family......but you don't trust him with your kids, at least alone. Love and trust kinda go hand in hand. Love comes from being around someone consistently. Trust comes from experiencing consistent behavior. So...you can't really love him but not trust him, unless he's specifically shown you that he can't be trusted around your kids. Wow. So why do i feel strange it seems because you are inconsistent or at least unaware of which feelings are real and which are fantasy and which are rationalizations. |
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He doesn't pester my kids at all. Lol he's very respectful. They pester him though. He doesn't want someone to take care of him he's police he takes good care of himself. I watch my kids like a hawk and I'm pretty over protective I've seen nothing that makes me wonder. When I said I felt strange I think its because if it don't work out then he and my kids will suffer some. Well, if it don't work out, it's not your problem that he suffers. Your kids is another story. And you yourself. I never got my kids involved in dating, main reason to keep them away from dates, was exactly that. Your kids are still so young, they could end up heart broken, not understanding what happened at all. I'd never get my kids involved until things were starting to become serious. And sorry to say, never having met is not serious, even though it may feel that way to you. I mean ... you may think "Eewww... OMG!" the minute you see each other. And I'd be esp careful with a guy from another culture. Police or not, that don't mean a thing in many countries. In some countries police are your worst nightmare. As for your OP, can be freaky, can be poor English, indeed meaning to say that he loves you because you are a mom, because of how you are with the kids etc etc. Difficult to tell. Best ask him. If you do end up in a relationship with him, you will have to get into the habit of asking every little thing that seems vague, because of the language barrier. Otherwise you keep miscommunicating, which will ruin a relationship, and you may not even notice it till it's too late. Communication is the most important thing and is the most difficult when partners don't speak each other's language, as in native speakers. ANd use your gut instinct, not your heart. Hearts want to love, so they tend to not see red flags. Gut instinct does. |
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Edited by
realcarebear
on
Tue 06/23/15 04:28 PM
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why do i feel strange Because you've never met the guy in person. And it takes in person to feel all sorts of things and have all sorts of chemicals produced. Because you are actually feeling emotions, they're looking to be associated with something, because you're telling yourself there's a relationship there...but there's really nothing for them to latch on to...because he's mostly just a fantasy on the internet and in your head. Kind of like reading the cat in the hat to an octopus in an empty room. The octopus reaches out a tentacle to grab the cat, but can't latch on to anything. It knows the cat exists, it's just heard the story in vivid detail, even seen some pictures, and maybe the movie on television. But...there's just nothing to attach the tentacle to. So it's going to feel strange. There's "supposed" to be something there to attach it to. It needs the feedback. Otherwise you feel strange because you are insecure and looking to sabotage yourself in order to try and protect yourself from a greater future harm. Yeah he won't be around my kids for a long time. You don't see the irony here? So...skype and internet doesn't count as being around your kids? Why does it count as not being around your kids....but does count as being around you, long enough to build a relationship for "love?" You also say I don't mind him saying he loves me and my family because its the same for me You love him and his family......but you don't trust him with your kids, at least alone. Love and trust kinda go hand in hand. Love comes from being around someone consistently. Trust comes from experiencing consistent behavior. So...you can't really love him but not trust him, unless he's specifically shown you that he can't be trusted around your kids. Wow. So why do i feel strange it seems because you are inconsistent or at least unaware of which feelings are real and which are fantasy and which are rationalizations. Thanks for that. Actually these are things we have talked about today especially. Also some real eye openers. Thanks |
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