Not that I want to be comfortable with it. I'm just tired of the same selection of men I encounter. I'm either annoyed or just don't see any chemistry there. I turned 40 a few months ago and this revelation of being comfortable being single doesn't sit well with me. I need to figure out how to fix this.

Hi, instead of looking for a guy straight away, look for friends then see what happens with the friendship. Who knows
Good luck

I'm now getting used of it too

your not the only one love...I think so too, if we could only turn the clock back to the 80s!! nowadays no one got any love and are so corrupted and insensitive very scary. just fought id share your opinion. god bless.

Sounds to me like you are more reclusive when it comes to dating. If you want to "fix this" situation then you have to wade in the water that is dating. That means dealing with guys who are just horny, or don't want long term or are not the kind of guy you are looking for just so you can meet the guy(s) who fit your criteria. Look....dating isn't rocket science.....a lot of times it is a hassle but that's just the way it is. If dating were simple then everybody would be with the one they love and Mingle would be useless. Lol!

Nothing wrong with learning how to be comfortable being alone
If more people knew how to do this? they wouldn't spend all their time crying in their beer over not having a mate or jumping on anything that moves out of desperation

A simple solution might be to change social venues...If you want variety, try spending more time on the boards...

Good luck!

Do different things where there is a different "selection" of men to encounter?


Doesn't that just mean you are uncomfortable being single?

Could that be part of any "problem?"

That you want to be seen as being okay with being alone, that you're independent, you don't "need" no one else?
But in reality...like every other human being...you do?
That what's getting in your way isn't the "selection of men" but your own self image?
And the problem with having a problem with self image, of it getting in your way, is you can't face it without an outside mirror perspective?


Go ask people. Face to face. Especially guys.
Develop relationships with them until you are comfortable enough discussing this problem with them.

When I turned 40 I reflected on my life also its natural,However I read your profile it was very well written and your a attractive woman, I am quite sure your true love is right around the corner, best wishes to you.

Sounds to me like you're close to going into self pity mode, that won't help at all.
Most people like positive people, they feed off it.

Good luck to you

I don't think I've grown "comfortable" being alone...I think i've simply "learned" to be alone, and to "wait patiently" for that text or phone call to come in.

My patients is starting to wear out. I'm to that point of saying the heck with it - it isn't going to happen.

I think I know what this common syndrome actually is.

"Comfortable being alone" isn't the right description for it. It's inaccurate, or people wouldn't talk about it the way they do. The OP here is concerned that it's a bad sign or something, and other people who go into this mode contrarily (but revealingly) talk about it proudly as though it's an accomplishment, or perhaps a Statement of Principles.

What would be more accurate, would be to say that each person who enters this state of being recognizes that they are SAFE for a while. The sense of pride, or of comfort, comes from letting go of the idea that not being in a condition of panic or paranoia about being "in the race" to pair up, means you're defective.

It's a good state to be in, I think, provided you DON'T fall into the trap of trying to explain it as being anything more than a rest stop. If you confuse it with being an Accomplishment Of Note, THAT'S when it turns into a self-destructive pool of depression quicksand, or a Paranoid Rant Fest Against the Opposite Sex.

You need to change your patterns. Go spend time doing the things you enjoy that might have men there too. You win either way. If you do meet a man, you automatically have something in common in a different venue than what "hasn't worked" before.

I actually went through something similar around that age..I took a lot of time off from dating and well, I realized what I was projecting was what I was attracting. I changed me..

You need to decide what you are looking for, engage in those types of activities that attract like minded people...

As for the title of this thread, I don't think I got comfortable being alone so much as content with my own company, and didn't get in a hurry to find anything. When it came along I sure wasn't looking for it neither was he...

Hang in there and take the time to really figure out what you want out of life and then figure out how to do it.