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Topic: "Out of your league" Just some thoughts.
IgorFrankensteen's photo
Sun 07/09/17 05:30 AM
Edited by IgorFrankensteen on Sun 07/09/17 05:31 AM

The phrase "he/she is out of your/my league" has been around a fair amount of time. Probably only RELATIVELY recently, and the concept it voices is much older than the phrase.

It's very popular these days, to declare that "no one is out of anyone's league," as a part of a more or less American sensibility of fundamental equality. But in reality, though the word "league" (no doubt derived from baseball concepts) confuses things a bit, it really is true that some people ARE outside of each others' "leagues."

If we DID change to using it more literally, as a simile to baseball, that would improve things a lot, I think. Because in baseball's simplest terms, when someone is not in your league, it doesn't mean that either of you is inferior or superior to the other as individuals, it just means that you will not be able to play baseball with or against them.

I find that the same thing is true in romantic relationships. Very much so. There are lots of women who are literally "out of my league," in the sense that the lives that they want to live, are not the same kind of life that I want or need to live. That can be because of money, but it can also be because of what each of us finds entertaining or fulfilling, or even more subtly, in how we see the world overall.

I'm pointing all this out, because I keep seeing unpleasant confusions arise, simply because the phrase "out of your league" gets used (often misused) to explain why someone ought to give up chasing after some individual.

In my case, for example, there are a number of women who I find to be very attractive, and who seem to like me as a person, but I will not try to build anything more than simple friendship with them, because I know that we are in different life-concept channels. We can be completely compatible as fellow citizens, and even as neighbors. But as mates, we would be entirely incompatible, and make a mess of each other's lives, even as we tried our best to be pleasing.

Just not in each other's leagues.

TxsGal3333's photo
Sun 07/09/17 05:41 AM
Not everyone is for everyone~~~ If that was so all that was looking would have someone.

Out of my League as you said can mean many things it does not mean that they are too good for one as some may think.

But think you summed it up pretty good right here~~~~

I find that the same thing is true in romantic relationships. Very much so. There are lots of women who are literally "out of my league," in the sense that the lives that they want to live, are not the same kind of life that I want or need to live. That can be because of money, but it can also be because of what each of us finds entertaining or fulfilling, or even more subtly, in how we see the world overall.


sybariticguy's photo
Sun 07/09/17 06:33 AM
Given the plethora of needed variables to be in each others league its difficult to generalize as person specific issues also play a role just as a person who has been abused would appreciate a strong and successful person who could provide a feeling of safety and this could put someone who otherwise was not in their league. Generalizations are helpful but learning the exceptions can be most rewarding if one is willing to address the fears in seeking out of ones league I once met a woman on campus who was wearing no makeup had her hair in a pony tail, wearing a sweatshirt and jeans and asked her to dinner as she seem quite natural and pleasant. I picked her up for dinner later and when I arrived she was in full make up she had been with Eileen Ford and been on the cover of Vogue, and on several bill boards in Atlanta, the newspaper and Time magazine. She liked the fact that I was personable, assertive, and not aware of her modeling looks and that meeting her without the make up was for her more genuine and authentic than simply another man wanting to sleep with a model.. she later moved on to television in Florida..

Tom4Uhere's photo
Sun 07/09/17 07:15 AM
It seems that everyone on this planet is out of my league.
I could worry about it but frankly, I just don't give a damn anymore.
My particular 'league' is a strange one.
See, I don't care how much money or power anyone has.
Everyone uses the toilet (word use censoring) and dies.

I'm like a unique cog that is looking for another cog that matches my gear pattern.
Some are close and some are very different.
It only takes one match and 'league' has nothing to do with it.
When we mesh, our 'leagues' will may be different but it just won't matter.

Your assessment of "romantic leagues" is called compatibility.
Compatibility is a perspective that must be shared or it isn't compatibility.

no photo
Sun 07/09/17 07:20 AM

It seems that everyone on this planet is out of my league.
I could worry about it but frankly, I just don't give a damn anymore.
My particular 'league' is a strange one.
See, I don't care how much money or power anyone has.
Everyone uses the toilet (word use censoring) and dies.

I'm like a unique cog that is looking for another cog that matches my gear pattern.
Some are close and some are very different.
It only takes one match and 'league' has nothing to do with it.
When we mesh, our 'leagues' will may be different but it just won't matter.

Your assessment of "romantic leagues" is called compatibility.
Compatibility is a perspective that must be shared or it isn't compatibility.

Try an older cog tom with no teeth, they don't bite but beware, they give a wicked suck happy

msharmony's photo
Sun 07/09/17 08:41 AM
I Generally hear 'out of your league' to mean someone is too good for another

its all semantics, but I prefer to deal with compatibility,, some people are compatible with me and others are not,,,,,

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Sun 07/09/17 08:43 AM
I think "league" originates from nautical stuff?

The way I see the phrase used is when you mean to say that you cannot offer the other what they need. And not in the sense "we view the world differently", that would simply be 'not matching'. I feel "out of my league" does go deeper, and I think often is directly related to money and/or status.
Whether you then consider yourself to be inferior is a matter of the ego. When you're confident, I think one wouldn't feel inferior at all, simply realistic.

no photo
Sun 07/09/17 08:53 AM

League [N]

a treaty or confederacy. The Jews were forbidden to enter into an alliance of any kind (1) with the Canaanites ( Exodus 23:32 Exodus 23:33 ; 34:12-16 ); (2) with the Amalekites ( Exodus 17:8 Exodus 17:14 ; Deuteronomy 25:17-19 ); (3) with the Moabites and Ammonites ( Deuteronomy 2:9Deuteronomy 2:19 ). Treaties were permitted to be entered into with all other nations. Thus David maintained friendly intercourse with the kings of Tyre and Hamath, and Solomon with the kings of Tyre and Egypt.

Tom4Uhere's photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:01 AM
Whether you then consider yourself to be inferior is a matter of the ego. When you're confident, I think one wouldn't feel inferior at all, simply realistic.

That's what it all boils down to.

I refuse to acknowledge someone's power or money as superiority. If they are cut - they bleed red, just like everyone else. All their money and power can't prevent their eventual death.

Power is only powerful if I allow it to rule me.
Money can't buy compassion, common sense or love.

no photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:06 AM
Material things unfortunately have a great of influence on relationships, doesn't necessarily bring love tho

sybariticguy's photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:06 AM

I Generally hear 'out of your league' to mean someone is too good for another

its all semantics, but I prefer to deal with compatibility,, some people are compatible with me and others are not,,,,,
whats the meaning of meaning?

Tom4Uhere's photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:08 AM


League [N]

a treaty or confederacy. The Jews were forbidden to enter into an alliance of any kind (1) with the Canaanites ( Exodus 23:32 Exodus 23:33 ; 34:12-16 ); (2) with the Amalekites ( Exodus 17:8 Exodus 17:14 ; Deuteronomy 25:17-19 ); (3) with the Moabites and Ammonites ( Deuteronomy 2:9Deuteronomy 2:19 ). Treaties were permitted to be entered into with all other nations. Thus David maintained friendly intercourse with the kings of Tyre and Hamath, and Solomon with the kings of Tyre and Egypt.


someone or something is too good or expensive for someone to have
SOURCE ~ http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/someone-something-is-out-of-someone-s-league

An Idiom
a group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words



msharmony's photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:09 AM


I Generally hear 'out of your league' to mean someone is too good for another

its all semantics, but I prefer to deal with compatibility,, some people are compatible with me and others are not,,,,,
whats the meaning of meaning?


I generally hear people use the phrase as a way of saying that someone is too good for another

for example , a very good looking or rich person might be said to be 'out of your league',,,,rarely is the bum, the asthetically unfortunate or the impoverished said to be 'out of your league',,,,even though they clearly may not be compatible

I have never heard the phrase used in a neutral sense but always in a way of saying someone is not good enough for another,,,

no photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:12 AM
And, of course it's a measurement of depth so quit relevant!

Tom4Uhere's photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:29 AM
I have never heard the phrase used in a neutral sense but always in a way of saying someone is not good enough for another

Funny thing?

You see it as derogatory?

I see it as a compatibility thing. Not as an inference of worthiness.

Just because I determine someone as non-compatible I don't see them as less than or unworthy. I don't see myself as less than or unworthy to others. Just different.

I can accept a person as to who they are no matter their power or wealth. I have had friendships with a wide range of wealthy and poor people. They are just people, so am I.

no photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:30 AM

I have never heard the phrase used in a neutral sense but always in a way of saying someone is not good enough for another

Funny thing?

You see it as derogatory?

I see it as a compatibility thing. Not as an inference of worthiness.

Just because I determine someone as non-compatible I don't see them as less than or unworthy. I don't see myself as less than or unworthy to others. Just different.

I can accept a person as to who they are no matter their power or wealth. I have had friendships with a wide range of wealthy and poor people. They are just people, so am I.

sad2 :thumbsup:

no photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:33 AM
20 000 leagues under the sea?
Really old film

msharmony's photo
Sun 07/09/17 09:34 AM

I have never heard the phrase used in a neutral sense but always in a way of saying someone is not good enough for another

Funny thing?

You see it as derogatory?

I see it as a compatibility thing. Not as an inference of worthiness.

Just because I determine someone as non-compatible I don't see them as less than or unworthy. I don't see myself as less than or unworthy to others. Just different.

I can accept a person as to who they are no matter their power or wealth. I have had friendships with a wide range of wealthy and poor people. They are just people, so am I.


it is not that I see it as derogatory, it is that I have heard it used in a derogatory manner

as I said, not yet have I heard it to describe an asthetically unfortunate person or someone who is poor, in which case I could take the context to merely mean 'non compatible'

Tom4Uhere's photo
Sun 07/09/17 10:06 AM
I have.

I have even used the phrase.

I played basketball when I was a kid.
I was pretty good but I was short.
I refused to play with the really tall kids and would not play with the really young kids because they were "Out Of My League" and there would not have been a very good challenging game to be had.

I have watched wheel chair basketball. They are handicap but out of my league as well.
I've seen poor people create masterful dinners using ingredients that I could never dream would taste so good together. They were out of my league in resourcefulness even tho I made more income.

What they all have in common is that they are people. I am people.
I don't immediately see people as negative or positive I see them as neutral. Their personalities change my view of them to positive or negative.
That assessment (judgement) is on me.

First I see, then I assess.
I tend to assess to the positive aspects when possible.
I see things in a positive way.
Looking for the positive, I find a lot of positive.
Looking for the negative, makes you see a lot of negative.

msharmony's photo
Sun 07/09/17 10:14 AM
You have used the term neutrally, you are the first person I have seen or heard use it that way.

some things ARE negative and some things ARE positive, its about recognizing the CONTEXT of a situation,,,,

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