100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
| Topic: Strength In Brothers | |
|---|---|
|
Edited by
SunnyMcleod
on
Sun 06/07/09 02:29 PM
|
|
This was hard for me and a bit long...
Earliest memories are always of these three boys. One quiet and calm, one loud and exciting, and the smallest a genius in need of an outlet. I remember being a confused child because of all the chaos that surrounded me. Relatives, people I didn’t know well, were always around. A little girl who was too shy and self conscience to understand what they all wanted soon I became what my friend calls an introverted extrovert. Being always sheltered and distracted by all those people and noises made me antsy. I wanted to be free. I wanted to rise above all they had, all they were. I wanted to stand out on my own. The loud one always had to be the center of attention. Bobby, with his big heart but even bigger mouth. He would say anything to get a rise out of people. Anything to get a laugh or a gasp from the crowds of eager people listening. He made me strong. Older than the rest of us, but center of our huge family, Jamie was more of an observer. He kept to himself, and just wanted to be left alone. But all the people pushed in on him and his calm mind was quickly given to spurts of temper. Sudden and turbulent but never harmful, he grew up to be a wonderful person with a gift. He made me strong. Talent was never something he lacked. Everything David did was art. Never his idea to be the baby in our crazy world, and not planned on by our parents. He came to us unexpectedly and still baffles everyone with his decisions and ideas. He was the only one younger than me, my baby brother. Encouraging him to be the rock star he is, to write the words that he does and love the women he does at such a young age is the best thing I ever did for him. He made me strong. Years it’s taken to realize the strength our brothers have given us. But it won’t be forgotten now. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What a wonderful story of love, reflection, and observance.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
well done hun, takes a strength to write like this.
I couldnt. ((((((((((((((((((((((sara)))))))))))))))))))))))))) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7HPqi5uVeo |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes, really well written.
Ty for sharing this with us
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
FearandLoathing
on
Sun 06/14/09 08:38 PM
|
|
This was hard for me and a bit long... Earliest memories are always of these three boys. One quiet and calm, one loud and exciting, and the smallest a genius in need of an outlet. I remember being a confused child because of all the chaos that surrounded me. Relatives, people I didn’t know well, were always around. A little girl who was too shy and self conscience to understand what they all wanted soon I became what my friend calls an introverted extrovert. Being always sheltered and distracted by all those people and noises made me antsy. I wanted to be free. I wanted to rise above all they had, all they were. I wanted to stand out on my own. The loud one always had to be the center of attention. Bobby, with his big heart but even bigger mouth. He would say anything to get a rise out of people. Anything to get a laugh or a gasp from the crowds of eager people listening. He made me strong. Older than the rest of us, but center of our huge family, Jamie was more of an observer. He kept to himself, and just wanted to be left alone. But all the people pushed in on him and his calm mind was quickly given to spurts of temper. Sudden and turbulent but never harmful, he grew up to be a wonderful person with a gift. He made me strong. Talent was never something he lacked. Everything David did was art. Never his idea to be the baby in our crazy world, and not planned on by our parents. He came to us unexpectedly and still baffles everyone with his decisions and ideas. He was the only one younger than me, my baby brother. Encouraging him to be the rock star he is, to write the words that he does and love the women he does at such a young age is the best thing I ever did for him. He made me strong. possible space for the closure Years it’s taken to realize the strength our brothers have given us. But it won’t be forgotten now. This is the spacing I was talking about, it makes the read easier and the write look a ton better. This was deep, however there were some lines that really only needed to be seperated by a comma and not a period specifically "Years it’s taken to realize the strength our brothers have given us. But it won’t be forgotten now." you can always put a comma before 'but' and given the short to the point sentence it really would be better than a period. You are good with words, and excellent in imagery. You write a painting as well as painters draw words, if you clean it up a bit and start organizing your thoughts better (comma, period use) you would definitely have a masterpiece. I like your writing, it has a personal touch but as with any personal touch the finer points tend to fade out for emotion (not a bad thing, an excellent start as a matter of fact). We'll turn you into an author by years end.  -I spelled author wrong, bloody terrible. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Well Mr.Fear, thank you. I'll forgive you this one time... I see what you mean though...I'll have to clean up the rough bits. But geez a painter? Gawd, I've never done anything creative in my life...except this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well Mr.Fear, thank you. I'll forgive you this one time... I see what you mean though...I'll have to clean up the rough bits. But geez a painter? Gawd, I've never done anything creative in my life...except this. You use descriptive words really well (quiet, calm, loud, exciting, genius, chaos, antsy, etc.). You are painting a picture for the reader and you do it really well with the words you use, you place just enough so the reader can understand the story but not too much so that the reader gets burned out in the middle. A perfect median.
|
|
|
|
|
