Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they're on the tenth hole.
Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green.

Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it and a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle that walks over to the hole and drops it in.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate it when your dad plays!"

Awww Thank you Rosie8986

LMAO @ Ike4175.... Set alarms for random times, or Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

haha! i like that mmmike.

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2.In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage.

3.If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

4.Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

5.Speak only in a "robot" voice.

6.Sniffle incessantly.

7.Name your dog "Dog."

8.Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

9.Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

10.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

11. Practice making fax and modem noises.

12.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

13.Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

14.Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

15.Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

16.Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

17.Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

18.Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

19.Honk and wave to strangers.

20.Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

21.Pay for your dinner with pennies.

22.Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

23.Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

24.Light road flares on a birthday cake.

25.At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

26.Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

27. Ask people what gender they are.

28.Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

29.Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

30.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

31.Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

32.Sing along at the opera.

33.At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

34 Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

35. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

Welcome to JSH!

Incoming run for cover!!!!!!!!!!!!

A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"

About 80 students raise their hands. "That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands.

"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...

Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"

One of his students raises his hand.

The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed that.

You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love to a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it!... I thought you said goats."

ellgee1976, oh that is cool!!!

kojack you said 3 and 4 is not working on your phone? but everything works on mine.

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for
survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST
Subject: Emergencies
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself
out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an
emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to
establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number
112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday.

Good reason to own a
cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and
the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone
from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car
door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding
it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves
someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object.
You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who
has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the
trunk). Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked
our car over a cell phone!"

THIRD
Subject: Hidden Cell Phone Battery Power Imagine your cell battery is
very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with
this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in
battery.
This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH
Subject: How to disable a LOST or STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits
on your phone: * # 0 6 # A 15 digit code will appear on the screen.
This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it
somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service
provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your
handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be
totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least
you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody
does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones. And
Finally...

FIFTH
Subject: Beat extra phone costs.
Cell
phone companies are charging customers $1.00 to $1.75 or more for
411
information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a
telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more
of
a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:

(800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all.
Program this into your cell phone now.



THX FOR READING!!!

i'm watching porn!!! is anything bad on it ? i dont think so.

if they not getting along as he thought they will, he can change his
mind.

be yourself

duffy i'm BLACK, not blonde!

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of
the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her
to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her
what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out
of the circle three times!"

HOPE YA LIKE IT!

Multiply not our numbers, O Lord,
for even now they reach into infinity.
Do not make walls of logs about us;
neither force us to dine at the table of squares.

Cut Pi and divide it among us;
then we may finish it off and be rid of it.
Repeal the Law of Sines, O Lord;
enforce not the judgment of the Law of Cosines.

Let us not follow the ways of the 90 degree angle,
for it only boasts of its own righteousness.
Grant that we may seek only our own identities,

abandoning those of trigonometry.
Lastly, heed not our many transgressions, O Lord,
rather, bestow upon us your merciful part credit.

PEACE.