sxy, that is funny....but it would have been better if you had posted it in your own thread, 'just click on post new topic'.

cbelle..

I really need to sell my Oficial UFO magazines.

DUBLIN (AFP) - Ireland's defence forces maintained a dossier on unidentified flying objects (UFOs) for 37 years, according to details released Thursday under the country's freedom of information laws.

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The documents dating back to 1947 that were released to the Irish Times newspaper log a range of strange sightings.

Descriptions of UFOs that were reported range from being like fried eggs to a household iron with fins at the back, according to the newspaper.

An early entry in the file from a shopkeeper and farmer in County Kerry in the southwest of the country in 1947 says he told police he saw a circular object moving "faster than a motor car" through the sky.

"It was flat and was like a big wheel or large plate... the rim was white and it was hollow in the centre."

A spokesman for the defence ministry told the newspaper that since 1984 the UFO dossier was no longer maintained.

The dossier is similar to one compiled by Britain's defence ministry on reports of UFO sightings. Declassified last May, it found that none of the recorded incidents in the last 30 years was actually a flying saucer.

In March this year, France opened its files on UFOS, revealing 1,600 alleged sightings over five decades

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT. DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT, AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE".

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ".

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,YOU WRITE ON A STONE,WHY?"

THE FRIEND REPLIED, "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY. BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

Billy Graham was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey on television. Oprah told him that in her childhood home, she use to watch him preach on a little black and white TV while sitting on a linoleum floor.

She went on to the tell viewers that in his lifetime Billy has preached to twenty-million people around the world, not to mention the countless numbers who have heard him whenever his crusades are broadcast. When she asked if he got nervous before facing a crowd, Billy replied humbly, "No, I don't get nervous before crowds, but I did today before I was going to meet with you."

Oprah's show is broadcast to twenty-million people every day. She is comfortable with famous stars and celebrities but seemed in awe of Dr. Billy Graham.

When the interview ended, she told the audience, "You don't often See this on my show, but we're going to pray." Then she asked Billy to close in prayer. The camera panned the studio audience as they bowed their heads and closed their eyes just like in one of his crusades.

Oprah sang the first line from the song that is his hallmark "Just as I am, without a plea," misreading the line and singing off'-key, but her voice was full of emotion and almost cracked.

When Billy stood up after the show, instead of hugging her guest, Oprah's usual custom, she went over and just nestled against him. Billy wrapped his arm around her and pulled her under his shoulder. She stood in his fatherly embrace with a look of sheer contentment..

I once read the book "Nestle, Don't Wrestle" by Corrie Ten Boom. The power of nestling was evident on the TV screen that day. Billy Graham was not the least bit condemning, distant, or hesitant to embrace a public personality who may not fit the evangelistic mold. His grace and courage are sometimes stunning.

In an interview with Hugh Downs, on the 20/20 program, the subject turned to homosexuality. Hugh looked directly at Billy and said, "If you had a homosexual child, would you love him?" Billy didn't miss a beat. He replied with sincerity and gentleness, "Why, I would love that one even more."

The title of Billy's autobiography, "Just As I Am," says it all. His life goes before him speaking as eloquently as that charming southern drawl for which he is known .

If, when I am eighty years old, my autobiography were to be titled "Just As I Am," I wonder how I would live now? Do I have the courage to be me? I'll never be a Billy Graham, the elegant man who draws people to the Lord through a simple one-point message, but I hope to be a person who is real and compassionate and who might draw people to nestle within God's embrace.

Do you make it a point to speak to a visitor or person who shows up alone at church, buy a hamburger for a homeless man, call your mother on Sunday afternoons, pick daisies with a little girl, or take a fatherless boy to a baseball game?

Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look when you're looking for what's beautiful in someone else?

Billy complimented Oprah when asked what he was most thankful for; he said, "Salvation given to us in Jesus Christ" then added, "and the way you have made people all over this country aware of the power of being grateful."

When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."

How unexpected. We would all live more comfortably with everybody around us if we would find the strength in being grateful and happily incompatible.

Let's take the things that set us apart, that make us different, that cause us to disagree, and make them an occasion to compliment each other and be thankful for each other. Let us be big enough to be smaller than our neighbor, spouse, friends, and strangers.

*Every day, may we Nestle, not Wrestle!*

Weally, weally funny

Donnar,lol

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, With Great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic Husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to Her,

He replied, "It's Lent."

In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I Have Ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was serving time in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,
I am feelin g pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies . They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie

There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and the bird's foul mouth is driving him nuts.

One day, it just gets to be too much and the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!"
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets angry and says, "OK for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird meekly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded and amazed at the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the CHICKEN DO?"

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

"Everybody can be great ... because anybody can serve.

You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't

have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only

need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

Martin Luther King Jr.

I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME .

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK
THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY

TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I

ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL

"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, "IN 1963. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED, BALD,

FAT, GRAY, DECREPIT S.O.B ASKED,



"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"

Words of Wisdom

"There is no traffic jam on the extra mile." – Unknown

"That best portion of a good man's life; his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." – William Wordsworth

"The biggest mistake we could ever make in our lives is to think we work for anybody but ourselves." – Brian Tracy

"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." – Mary Pickford

"Every evening, write down the six most important things that you must do the next day. Then while you sleep your subconscious will work on the best ways for you to accomplish them. Your next day will go much more smoothly." – Tom Hopkins

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." – Anais Nin

So give to the needy Sweet Charity's bread,
For "giving is living," the angel said.
But must I keep giving again and again?
My peevish and pitiless answer ran.
"Oh, no," said the angel, piercing me through,
"Just give 'till the Master stops giving to you."

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully
dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably
combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind,
moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently
passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of
waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled
sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that
had been hung on his window.
"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old
having just been presented with a new puppy.
"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."
"That doesn't' t have anything to do with it," he replied.
"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I
like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is
arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to
love it. "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I
have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the
difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work,
or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on
the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just
for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've
put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in
the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling
my Memory bank.
I am still depositing." Remember the five simple rules to be
happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less