meh i feel this way about you women... how many out there won't throw your heart out in the air then let it crash down anywhere :\

i dated/am dating an older women (may-december relationship; her 34, me 18) I repeatedly asked her not to lead me on and that i was the real deal and so did she and everything was/is still there. just at times, her insecurities screw her over and i'm still willing, just she isn't i guess :\

now here i am, heart ache is a *****...

Have you ever longed for someone?
Did you ever dream of someone?

Touched the spark?
But missed the connection?

Felt so warm?
As the world turned cold?

Did you fall in love?
As fast as flowers, falling from trees?


I don't know when I started writing those text messages, that I could never send.. I cannot help but look for fragments of her throughout my day though I know the distance is real. If my wish were to come true I would go to her side right now, realistically put everything on the line and hold her tight. If a miracle were to happen I'd show it right away, why else would I be waiting for her beautiful voice to sound whilst waiting at a stop light, sitting in class or dialing a phone.. The memories are revolving, the heart throbbing has not disappeared.

Each and every minute we're apart feels dreadfully long. What a terrible fate, time is keeping me from her for a little while longer. This 'time' clearly has evil intentions. Above me, it's slowly flowing away. Don't wait... the lights will flash and fade away, your days will pass you by.

Holding the one thing I cannot change against me - there's only one thing I can do; brace myself, grit my teeth - to keep from crying.. Torn in two, I am sorry.. part of me pleads that I had never fallen for you in the first place, putting you through such distress, and during such an unimaginably awful time, but you feel how you feel.. The other part is running in the dark looking for some light but I know when the last plane leaves, that you would lie awake and cry for me. How will we know if we just don't try?

for all these words I say, do you feel anything? ./sigh

./blink

when you're alone anyways heh...

Awww ever since Firefox 3.2 has gone to ****, chrome is my new browser.

I couldn't play yahoo games online with a close friend (yet a week prior i could? pfft). i even had to downgrade to 3.1 to be able to right click on any web page...

firefox is slowly going to suffer from internet-explorer-syndrome (copyright!). chrome is great - few perks i hate but meh gets the job done

Lord of the Rings Online ain't bad

Sold all my gold for ~$1000 USD w00t