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Community > Posts By > Ghostrider2u
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Topic:
how do you know?
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You don't.
But..... You're Heart does. When its time.... it'll happen!! |
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I dont believe in a soulmate so much.
But I do believe..... a love must be a dear friend..... and......... you can lose a love and a dear friend!! 
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Ummmmmm.....
Yes and......No!!! But many have!! |
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I am completely overwhelmed.
My Brother is an Amazing Human being!!!!!! I returned home to find two of my closest friends waiting. They have built a ramp for me to the garage. My brothers church bought me a sport chair wheelchair. I cannot use it until my staples are out n stitches are healed. My room has been rearrainged to make everything easily accessable. I am in complete .....AWE!!! Sooo many cards.... He told me the doctors were against this, but he knew yesterday. He told them I would choose to go home. Im blown Away!!!!! A week ago I had no clue what I was doing. Now I see clearly, I made some good decisions. all......but one. I'm in a good Place!!!!! |
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Edited by
Ghostrider2u
on
Sun 11/04/12 11:51 AM
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I feel like a child!!
Doctor just came in and read me the riot act about behavior and doing what Im told. after much protest from my family, and apparently negotiation from my doctors, I am goin.......Home!!!!! The VA has agreed to a home nurse and therapy and to allow me my treatments here. No driving, no walking without therapist, no junk food....blah blah blah.....LOL I wasnt expecting this, didnt know it was an option. It was either this, which doctors think is too soon, or go to springfield. Thats a couple hundred miles from home. Never been one to behave, especially when told too, but I guess I'd better keep it all in....check!!!!!  told it is ultimately my decision!! 27 don't's, 12 do's.....WTH.....lol Im discharged,I'm goin home Catch me later!!!!! |
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Miss You!
I unnerstand I forgive and ask the same. |
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Topic:
No Burden
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Discovery.....yes
self....yea....not so much!!! Thank You All! |
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I will be away for several weeks.
Due to complications from my previous desire to....text, I am not being allowed to take my phone or my laptop. I just wanted to Thank You all again. Your words and concern mean the world to me! |
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Topic:
No Burden
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So much hurt, so deep the pain
the words they fell as pouring rain two hearts so full, left now estranged with much to lose and nothing gained what is truth, reality we focus only on what we see faced with darkened destiny nature calls us, to be free I heard the words, I let them in I spoke my piece and yet again I heard them clear, again and then I looked beyond where we have been What I heard was let me go no desire left to know no more future here to grow only heartache yet to show forgiveness comes from deep within understanding rises, from the din opened eyes, reality sets in there will be no burden, asked again. |
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I am being moved to a VA hospital down state tomorrow.
I dont know which yet. There are two with cancer treatment centers. I guess I will know when I need to know. As the VA is helping to pay part of my bills. (i have no insurance) ....I am at their mercy. My prognosis.....well.... as I always say..... Life is all about perspective. The bone metastis has already slowed without the source in me. This is a good thing. However it cannot be reversed. It can be slowed, maybe stopped, but that damage is done. Pelvis, thighs and some spine. The effected portion of the lung is removed. The small remainder of cancer in prostate can be handled. Heavy chemo and radation and much time. I Have A Good Chance To LIVE!! what that will be like.....only time will tell. I am told that the metastis will eventually cripple me as it makes the bones very brittle. However, they have already had me up walking, but only with two escorts and only enough to prevent the stiffness. Sooo....My Future??? I look forward to a difficult fight, a wheelchair, permanent retirement, fixed income and dept beyond my wildest inagination. So small wonder noone would want to be involved in that. I understand. But.... I look forward to living!!!! My perspective........... I'm Alive!!!!! If God has seen fit to bring me this far.....I refuse to believe that I cannot make it the rest of the way tru. If I have anything to do with it....I WILL survive this and I WILL walk!! Thank You God, and Thank You My Friends!! |
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I am truly Blessed to have so many caring friends.
Some, I didn't even realize I had. Thank You All sooo Much!! They took my phone away from me the other night when they caught me texting. My laptop was brought to me this morning. I am finally allowed to communicate with the outside world. I am doing well but have a long road to travel. You dont reailze what you have till its gone and the breathing and respritory therapy are the hardest part. Although it is a little easier this morning since they took out my drain tube. Talking is impossible without deep breaths. It is difficult to watch the ones who love you go tru this. It is more difficult to know how to help them, when you dont know how to help yourself. How, when you know all the odds.... Do you tell someone that you have decided to try something.... unimaginable? I had 3 choices. Lay down n die. Fight with treatment n die anyway. Or let them go in and see if there was anything they could do. God chose to Bless me...the tumor was external and they were able to remove it. They took the bottom 1/3 of my right lung as well. I knew exactly what my odds of surviving it were. They were no better or worse than the others. My odds still are not good. But they are soo much better than they were. I have a chance to LIVE!! To the one I hurt with my decision....I can only say I had a difficult choice. I made it myself. I made it for....ME! I did exactly what you encouraged me to do. "Do what is best for you and let noone influence you" Why it is sooo hard to understand...I dont know. I never lied. I did not intentionally decieve. I just couldnt find it in me to tell you. For that....I will be forever sorry. Thank You all again for your Prayers and Kindness. |
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I had a good night. Spent it talking with Pyxxie, as many many nights!! Woke this morning not feeling too bad. The new pain meds are helping emencely. Life offers no promises, no gaurantees.......... But it does offer.....Hope On occasion. I have spent this morning talking with the Docs. I want everyone to know what I have decided. In my present state......none of the things important to me are achievably. So I truely have..... Nothing to lose!!! A stage 4 prognosis is trecherous. The tumor is non-operable, therefore the source cannot be removed. They offer me no promise.....only a window of hope. In my life I have witnessed the horrible effects of Chemo. However........ If there is a small chance that by slowing this I can make one last trip to Seattle..... spend a few more days with My Sweet Lady.... make that one last trip to my childhood home and see some dear friends... have that one last journey on the bike....however short..... I am willing to take that chance. I will begin treatment tomorrow morning. Please understand....this will not save me.... Only offer me some....Hope. I'm good with that!!! Thank You ALL....sooo much for the....Love!!! Sometimes buying time is worth it to tie up loose ends. My dad and I grew much closer during his treatment. We talked a lot and had he died suddenly we both would have lost a lot more. He was stage four as well. He did chemo and he also did another treatment (expiramental) which did stop some cells from spreading in certain areas. It didn't benefit him, but we hope it will benefit other future patients. In 2007, my son was diagnosed with 4th stage cancer, a very fast spreading cancer...It was in the linings of his lungs and behind his heart...it was inoperative...an aggressive doctor using aggressive treatments saved his life..in August of this year, he was declaired cancer free.. MIRACLES DO HAPPEN! So ghost...fight the good fight and never give up hope. Thanks Viv.....that is inspiring!! |
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Topic:
Share the Birthdate
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8/26
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I had to put on a bathing suit and strut around and shake that thing for hours to get him to change his mind!!! I am exhausted!     Please dont....Encourage her.....   She is evil..... In such a Wonderful way!!!! Meeeeeeeeeee encourage her now would I do something like that???? But I do here that this works too....on those that don't want to listen..  She has one of those..... It's.....HAWT!!!!! 
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Oh boy! That got my attention!!  Took Ya long enough!!! 
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Women are not put off any more that men....
Just feed her Guacamole..... and don't put yer foot in it!!!! 
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Its a......Train.....
Its movin Fast...... RUN.....Forrest.....RUN!!!!
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Topic:
What have you done lately?
Edited by
Ghostrider2u
on
Tue 10/30/12 12:44 PM
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I pi$$ed a lot of folks off!!
Usually I do that on purpose!!! This time it just kinda.... Happened!!! My work is done !!!!
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Edited by
Ghostrider2u
on
Tue 10/30/12 12:39 PM
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I had to put on a bathing suit and strut around and shake that thing for hours to get him to change his mind!!! I am exhausted! Please dont....Encourage her..... She is evil..... In such a Wonderful way!!!! |
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I had to put on a bathing suit and strut around and shake that thing for hours to get him to change his mind!!! I am exhausted! You get soooo much pleasure danglin the carrot in front of this.... Mule..... I kinda like that about you!!!! 
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