im actually kinda jealous, that coon gettin more then me

I farted

could be the terminator glasses

Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."

But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"

An old man and his wife have gone to bed.

After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football... I just scored."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure's on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail.

Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has, but instead of farting, he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."

This guy has a spare $10 that he decides to spend on his first hooker ever.

He goes out, he gets one, then he brings her home.

They have hours of hardcore sex. Then she leaves when he falls asleep.

The next morning, he wakes up and discovers that he has crabs, he goes and finds the hooker again and says, "Hey, *****, you gave me crabs!"

She replies, "Well for $10 what did you expect, Lobsters?"

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".

"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.

"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"

God why is it always a hurry up & wait

Finally broke down yesterday and bought XM radio, if you do not have this, I would strongly reccomend it. It's worth the monthly subscription, only $12.95. I can listen to pretty much anything they have on there, anywhere. I mainly have been listening to the comedy channels, unless bob & tom is on

Well I think the snapperheads here in chicago may have me unloaded

someone need my wraith ?

wow, aint never seen so many swift drivers n one room

you mounted that lot lizard from W. Memphis under your hood ??????

then this one time @ SWIFT drivin academy, i shoved a wilson 4000 in my ass.................. sideways

the best one yet is that fat sonuvabiotch on 80 in ohio, Joe the weighmaster

I was approached by a lot lizrd once, looked my ex girlfriend....... oh wait it was my ex girlfriend

here lizard, lizard. lizard

its 26 here

oh man its super loud too, since the idiots loaded me almost all the way too the top, its on defrost about 80% of the time when sitting

you know whats better then pullin a reefer?

pullin a reefer and parking between 2 dry boxes and having your reefer set @ -10 .

god im an ass

gnight pat