2 old boys are sitting on the porch getting smashed.
One looks down at the other guys dog licking his self.
He said boy I wish I could do that. go ahead and try it but he might bite your face off.

A camel looks down at there foot and said look I have a ***** foot.

I am becoming Al Bunndy

Your Wife what are on a date site doing if your married?????

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

Gault says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.


The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to Gault. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "


Gault nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.


A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's prize bull.

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get " Horned " before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. Gault throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....


" Your badge. Show him your BADGE!!!"

funny stuff right here.....

then use a caculator

It was a joke. lol

Subject: Role Models (do this and tell me who it is!)



Try this exercise below and see who your role model is.

Find out who truly is your role model. Don't scroll down yet, do the simple
math below, and then scroll down to find your hero. DO NOT CHEAT!!!

Its CRAZY how accurate this is!


1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9.

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3

4) Then again multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator)

5 ) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number

6 ) Add the digits together


Now Scroll down...












...With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Einstein

2. Oprah Winfrey

3. Mickey Mantle

4. Ronald Reagan

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. Paris Hilton

8. Barak Obama

9. Neonmoon7533

10. JFK



I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like
me..... Believe it!

SO, stop picking different numbers!!


I AM YOUR IDOL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!

Priceless.

------------------------------


Hello, my name is Rich and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50
billion freaking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland
with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to
have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling
freak show.


And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to
you and everyone else to whom you send "his" email?


How stupid are we?


Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll
get laid by a super model I'll just happen to run into tomorrow!


What a bunch of utter bullcrap.


Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and
sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was
started by St. Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget
pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.


Screw 'em!!


If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing.


I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this
poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being." I don't freaking care.


Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are it contains
an email address digger program that will put our addresses in the
books of any number of scammers out there.


The point being?


If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless
or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.


If it's funny, send it on.


Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead
elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this email.


Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning
your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.


Have a nice day.


Billy Connolly


PS Send me 15 bucks and then screw off.

I got the other part now were can I get that book?

I dont understand why were on a dating site and not tring to hook up.
I want a good woman any takers.

Did you say boner?

Well does anyone know why there is a hole in the penis?



So most guys can get oxygen to there brains.

Rocks

I thought I had one (joke ) but the e-x-wife took it.

Chuck Norris doesn'T have to wear a condom because there is no protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking about.

Is this the Oprah show????

And we all know boobs are over rated!!!

I'm not Mr. Right but I'll take care of you untill he gets here.

George W. Bush will be back in january.