Bacon Wrapped Honey Roasted Squirrel tastes great

Hang out at an abandoned cemetery or hospital from like 1am to 4am to see if you see ghosts or just your own shadow like a groundhog on groundhog day

Emotions are like waves, you cannot stop them from coming, you can only choose which one to ride.

We often do the greatest things when no one else is watching.
Fear begins to vanish when we realize that countries are just lines, drawn in the sand with a stick.

My goal is to someday be the person my dog thinks I am.

It all started when our (former porn) star, Boozie, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling excessively concerned, Boozie backhanded a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved Pho was missing! Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Cody. Boozie had known Cody for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Cody was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Boozie called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Cody picked up to a very nervous Boozie. Cody calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths grimace before mating, yet venomous koalas usually charismatically grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Boozie. Why was Cody trying to distract Boozie? Because he had snuck out from Boozie's with the Pho only nine days prior. It was a enchanting little Pho... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Boozie got back to the subject at hand: his Pho. Cody sneezed. Relunctantly, Cody invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Pho. Boozie grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Cody realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Pho and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Boozie took the pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, he had take at least seven minutes before Boozie would get there. But if he took the Turtle? Then Cody would be very screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Cody was interrupted by two oafish Sea Lions that were lured by his Pho. Cody yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he aggressively reached for his carrot and thoughtfully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Turtle rolling up. It was Boozie.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Boozie was out of the Turtle and went explosively jaunting toward Cody's front door. Meanwhile inside, Cody was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Pho into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Cody was concerned but at least the Pho was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Cody sassily purred. With a careful push, Boozie opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive beer-sloshed tool in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Cody assured him. Boozie took a seat nearby where Cody had hidden the Pho. Cody grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Boozie was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Cody noticed a annoying look on Boozie's face. Boozie slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Cody felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Boozie asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Pho right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Boozie's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Boozie nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Cody could react, Boozie aggressively lunged toward the box and opened it. The Pho was plainly in view.

Boozie stared at Cody for what what must've been four millseconds. As if it really mattered Cody groped sassily in Boozie's direction, clearly desperate. Boozie grabbed the Pho and bolted for the door. It was locked. Cody let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Boozie,' he rebuked. Cody always had been a little annoying, so Boozie knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Cody did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. As if it really mattered he gripped his Pho tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Cody looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Boozie. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Boozie. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Cody walked over to the window and looked down. Boozie was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Boozie was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Cody's place. Boozie had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Sea Lions suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Pho. One by one they latched on to Boozie. Already weakened from his injury, Boozie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Sea Lions running off with his Pho.

But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Boozie's Pho. Feeling displeased, God smote the Sea Lions for their injustice. Then He got in His amphibious vehicle and dashed away with the fortitude of 61 disease-carrying chipmunks running from a enlarged pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Boozie skipped with joy when he saw this. His Pho was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, Pokemon, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When albino cats meet rusty razor blade'). Boozie was giddy. And so, everyone except Cody and a few malaria-toting spotted wolf hamsters lived blissfully happy, forever after.

Have you guys ever looking into basic things like malls and their effects on pushing products? it's a science... look up "atmospherics" and the "gruen effect". If you really think that the majority of this country actually decides what they want then you are just mistaken. We are primarily just zombies being guided by ENORMOUS corporations who spend millions on studies on how to manipulate the consumer.

I'm like a rabid wombat who's been presented with a... uh... delicious... thing... to wombats.

497

next time I eat lobster can I use your blue tank as a bib

drink corona beer only to rid yourself of coronavirus

don't forget about Otis?

In case I don't see ya, Good Afternoon, good evening and good night

Zero