All you can do is keeping looking for someone to date.
I am sure you will find someone.

My ex wife left when she found out I was sick.
Have not seen or heard from her in over year

Always :)

Long hard week at work.
Going out tonight and pick up a one night stand.

I have been here for awhile and mer 1 girl and been stood up twice.

I have been meeting more woman at the gym and coffee house in the last few months.
Have the same girls looking at my photos but never sends a message or answer one. I believe the girls are just really are not interest in dating on here or they are looking for some perfect guy.

I find it really strange that girls here in jacksonville will look at your profile more than once but when you e mail them no one replys.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.



My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.



My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.



One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.



She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.



She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.



I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.



My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.



After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.



The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.



Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?"

The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.



"Oh my!" she cries, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin'" he chuckles proudly, "That's ma'rope!"

She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks.



"Honey, those're my knots!" he answers.



Finally the couple begins to make love.

After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!"

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?"

"No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"

Three blondes were all vying for the last available position on the local police force.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be a cop, eh?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a photograph, and said, "To be a detect, you have to be able to DETECT. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc." So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds.

"Now, he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did.

He only has one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of COURSE he only has one eye in this picture! It's a PROFILE of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

The blonde immediately shot back, "Yep! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just said to the other lady? This is a PROFILE of the man's face! Of COURSE you can only see one ear!! You're excused, too! You'd never make a good detective!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.



The detective turn his attention to the last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but....". He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "Alright.

Did YOU notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "Yes, I did. This man wears contact lenses.

"

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could tell that by looking at this picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "DUH! He has only one eye and one ear, he certainly CAN'T WEAR GLASSES!"

The devil wanted a place on earth
Sort of a summer home
A place to spend his vacation
Whenever he wanted to roam.



So he picked out Arizona
A place both wretched and rough
Where the climate was to his liking
And the cowboys hardened and tough.



He dried up the streams in the canyons
And ordered no rain to fall
He dried up the lakes in the valleys
Then baked and scorched it all.



Then over his barren country
He transplanted shrubs from hell.


The cactus, thistle and prickly pear
The climate suited them well.



Now the home was much to his liking
But animal life, he had none.


So he created crawling creatures
That all mankind would shun.



First he made the rattlesnake
With it's forked poisonous tongue.


Taught it to strike and rattle
And how to swallow it's young.



Then he made scorpions and lizards
And the ugly old horned toad.


He placed spiders of every description
Under rocks by the side of the road.



Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter,
Hotter and hotter still.


Until even the cactus wilted
And the old horned lizard took ill.



Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom
As any creator would
He chuckled a little up his sleeve
And admitted that it was good.



Twas summer now and Satan lay
By a prickly pear to rest.


The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow
So he took off his coat and vest.



"By Golly, " he finally panted,
"I did my job too well,
I'm going back to where I came from,
Arizona is hotter than Hell.

"

Dont surprise me any

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns.

"Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

"O-o-o-o-r-r-r... w-w-what?" stammers the bartender.

"A small Coke."

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.

"I want to get screwed," said the man.

"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.

The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed. Minutes passed and nothing happened.

He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.

"Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"

"What?" said the voice, "Again?"

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.



Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.



Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer.

"

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.


A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.




Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.



Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.



Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.



Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.



Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.



Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.



Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.



Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".



Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.



Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.




Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.


Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.



Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.



Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.



Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.



Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.



Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.




Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).



Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.



Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.



Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.



Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.



Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.




Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.



Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.




Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.

'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.




Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.



Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.



Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.



Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.



Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.




Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.



Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.



The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.



'What does it look like?' she finally asked.



The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.

'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.



'Here it is,' she said.



The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

"

1) Murder, rape, and pillage at Jabesh-gilead (Judges 21:10-24 NLT)



So they sent twelve thousand warriors to Jabesh-gilead with orders to kill everyone there, including women and children. "This is what you are to do," they said. "Completely destroy all the males and every woman who is not a virgin." Among the residents of Jabesh-gilead they found four hundred young virgins who had never slept with a man, and they brought them to the camp at Shiloh in the land of Canaan.





The Israelite assembly sent a peace delegation to the little remnant of Benjamin who were living at the rock of Rimmon. Then the men of Benjamin returned to their homes, and the four hundred women of Jabesh-gilead who were spared were given to them as wives. But there were not enough women for all of them. The people felt sorry for Benjamin because the LORD had left this gap in the tribes of Israel. So the Israelite leaders asked, "How can we find wives for the few who remain, since all the women of the tribe of Benjamin are dead? There must be heirs for the survivors so that an entire tribe of Israel will not be lost forever. But we cannot give them our own daughters in marriage because we have sworn with a solemn oath that anyone who does this will fall under God's curse.

"



Then they thought of the annual festival of the LORD held in Shiloh, between Lebonah and Bethel, along the east side of the road that goes from Bethel to Shechem. They told the men of Benjamin who still needed wives, "Go and hide in the vineyards. When the women of Shiloh come out for their dances, rush out from the vineyards, and each of you can take one of them home to be your wife! And when their fathers and brothers come to us in protest, we will tell them, 'Please be understanding. Let them have your daughters, for we didn't find enough wives for them when we destroyed Jabesh-gilead. And you are not guilty of breaking the vow since you did not give your daughters in marriage to them.'" So the men of Benjamin did as they were told. They kidnapped the women who took part in the celebration and carried them off to the land of their own inheritance. Then they rebuilt their towns and lived in them. So the assembly of Israel departed by tribes and families, and they returned to their own homes.





Obviously these women were repeatedly raped. These sick bastards killed and raped an entire town and then wanted more virgins, so they hid beside the road to kidnap and rape some more.

How can anyone see this as anything but evil?



2) Murder, rape and pillage of the Midianites (Numbers 31:7-18 NLT)



They attacked Midian just as the LORD had commanded Moses, and they killed all the men. All five of the Midianite kings – Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur, and Reba – died in the battle. They also killed Balaam son of Beor with the sword. Then the Israelite army captured the Midianite women and children and seized their cattle and flocks and all their wealth as plunder. They burned all the towns and villages where the Midianites had lived. After they had gathered the plunder and captives, both people and animals, they brought them all to Moses and Eleazar the priest, and to the whole community of Israel, which was camped on the plains of Moab beside the Jordan River, across from Jericho.





Moses, Eleazar the priest, and all the leaders of the people went to meet them outside the camp. But Moses was furious with all the military commanders who had returned from the battle. "Why have you let all the women live?" he demanded. "These are the very ones who followed Balaam's advice and caused the people of Israel to rebel against the LORD at Mount Peor. They are the ones who caused the plague to strike the LORD's people. Now kill all the boys and all the women who have slept with a man. Only the young girls who are virgins may live; you may keep them for yourselves.





Clearly Moses and God approves of rape of virgins.





3) More Murder Rape and Pillage (Deuteronomy 20:10-14)



As you approach a town to attack it, first offer its people terms for peace. If they accept your terms and open the gates to you, then all the people inside will serve you in forced labor. But if they refuse to make peace and prepare to fight, you must attack the town. When the LORD your God hands it over to you, kill every man in the town. But you may keep for yourselves all the women, children, livestock, and other plunder. You may enjoy the spoils of your enemies that the LORD your God has given you.





What kind of God approves of murder, rape, and slavery?



4) Laws of Rape (Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT)



If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.





What kind of lunatic would make a rape victim marry her attacker? Answer: God.





5) Death to the Rape Victim (Deuteronomy 22:23-24 NAB)



If within the city a man comes upon a maiden who is betrothed, and has relations with her, you shall bring them both out of the gate of the city and there stone them to death: the girl because she did not cry out for help though she was in the city, and the man because he violated his neighbors wife.





It is clear that God doesn't give a damn about the rape victim. He is only concerned about the violation of another mans "property".





6) David's Punishment - Polygamy, Rape, Baby Killing, and God's "Forgiveness" (2 Samuel 12:11-14 NAB)



Thus says the Lord: 'I will bring evil upon you out of your own house. I will take your wives [plural] while you live to see it, and will give them to your neighbor. He shall lie with your wives in broad daylight. You have done this deed in secret, but I will bring it about in the presence of all Israel, and with the sun looking down.

'

Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the Lord." Nathan answered David: "The Lord on his part has forgiven your sin: you shall not die. But since you have utterly spurned the Lord by this deed, the child born to you must surely die." [The child dies seven days later.

]



This has got to be one of the sickest quotes of the Bible. God himself brings the completely innocent rape victims to the rapist.

What kind of pathetic loser would do something so evil? And then he kills a child! This is sick, really sick!



7) Rape of Female Captives (Deuteronomy 21:10-14 NAB)



"When you go out to war against your enemies and the LORD, your God, delivers them into your hand, so that you take captives, if you see a comely woman among the captives and become so enamored of her that you wish to have her as wife, you may take her home to your house. But before she may live there, she must shave her head and pare her nails and lay aside her captive's garb. After she has mourned her father and mother for a full month, you may have relations with her, and you shall be her husband and she shall be your wife. However, if later on you lose your liking for her, you shall give her her freedom, if she wishes it; but you shall not sell her or enslave her, since she was married to you under compulsion.

"


Once again God approves of forcible rape.





8) Rape and the Spoils of War (Judges 5:30 NAB)



They must be dividing the spoils they took: there must be a damsel or two for each man, Spoils of dyed cloth as Sisera's spoil, an ornate shawl or two for me in the spoil.

(Judges 5:30 NAB)



9) Sex Slaves (Exodus 21:7-11 NLT)



When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl's owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment.

(Exodus 21:7-11 NLT)



10) God Assists Rape and Plunder (Zechariah 14:1-2 NAB)



Lo, a day shall come for the Lord when the spoils shall be divided in your midst. And I will gather all the nations against Jerusalem for battle: the city shall be taken, houses plundered, women ravished; half of the city shall go into exile, but the rest of the people shall not be removed from the city.

(Zechariah 14:1-2 NAB)

Child abuse:

Genesis 22:9 & 10 “And they came to the place which God had told him of and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood. And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.” It matters not that god let Abraham get out of murdering Isaac. To put a knife up to your son’s throat is child abuse.



I Kings 3:24-25 “And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other." This test was of course given to see who the real mother of the child was. Christians view this king as a wise man. .



Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14 & 29:15 God commands repeatedly that you beat your children.



Matthew 19:29 If you really loved Jesus then he insists that you abandon your wife and children for him. Only that way will he allow you to go to heaven. (That is if you meet his other hefty requirements, don’t slip through the loopholes, and ignore the contradictions.

)

Mark 7:9 Jesus criticizes the Jews for not killing their disobedient children according to Old Testament law.

A Brothers Saga


The mighty men of Iceland sing
against the wind and winter's sting.


Viking blood and Viking ale
have conquered worlds in truth and tale.


But never a man of ice and winter
doth lift the Manhood Stone like Hinter.



Doth lift the Manhood Stone like Hinter.



Blue lagoons and lava caves;
Geysers blow, volcanos rage.


Such a place is Hinter's host;
"The Gates of Hell" it's called by most.


But never a man loved home like Hinter;
He revelled in the cold dark winter.



He revelled in the cold dark winter.



Now cometh to this Viking land
a man called Squat, with steel in hand.


Of Norsemen's blood by mother's mother,
he braved the cold to seek his brother.


And never a man from Norse begot
doth lift the heavy steel like Squat.



Doth lift the heavy steel like Squat.



Then cometh he to Hinter's lair
where fires glow on women fair,
And geysers blow from Hell's fires burning
a drink men drink called Black Death, churning.


Though steel and stone are worlds apart,
still Hinter shook the hand of Squat.



Still Hinter shook the hand of Squat.



Why come you here to seek your kin?
The days grow short and winter's in.


My brother's here -- I feel his soul.


I'll find him though the nights turn cold.


But first let's drink some Viking beer!
My brother lives; I have no fear.



My brother lives; I have no fear.



So, drank these mighty men of old
the Black Death steaming and Viking Gold.


So, drank 'till nightfall came and went,
'till six months passed and stories spent.


But never a word was ever spoken
of stone and steel, or strength feats broken.



Of stone and steel, or strength feats broken.



The Clash of Giants contest nears.


The crash of stone and steel one hears.


Hinter lifts the Manhood Stone
while mighty Squat bears steel on bone.


But neither winces at the strain,
and both men feel the other's pain.



And both men feel the other's pain.



And never a man of ice and winter
doth lift the Manhood Stone like Hinter.


And never a man from Norse begot
doth lift the heavy steel like Squat.


Now, come you to the Place of Vikings
and test your might on steel and stone.



And test your might on steel and stone.



From throughout Iceland giants lift
to prove their worth and win the gift.


More steel, more stone to hand is taken,
'till one man fails, his honor shaken.


When stone is gone and steel bars bent,
just two men stand, the others spent.



Just two men stand, the others spent.



Squat shares a kinship brothers may
with mighty Hinter on this day.


For both have won the cherished gift
of Vikings past who made the lift.


The gift of Brotherhood, 'tis told,
is Viking blood, worth more than gold.



And Brotherhood's worth more than gold.

What does pizza delivery man and
a gynaecologist have in common?

Both can smell it but can't eat it

You got that right!