A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, “Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows, it’ll cost us a fortune to repair.”

Of course, she immediately shanked her drive right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed, “I warned you to watch out! Now we’ll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us.”

They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, “Come on in.” When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke the window?”

“Uh…yeah, we’re very sorry about that,” the husband replied.

“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”

“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem,” said the genie, “You’ve got it. I have already put a million dollars in your bank account. It’s the least I can do.”

“And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.

“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.

“Consider it done. The deeds are now in your name,” the genie said.

“And now,” the couple both asked in unison, “what’s your wish, genie?”

“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”

The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn’t mind.”

The genie and the woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”

“Why, we’re both thirty-five,” she responded breathlessly.

“No ****! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?”

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to
attract : the girls. : : : : He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for
advice. It's those big : baggyswimming trunks that make you look like an
old fool. They're years : outta style. : : : : Your best bet is to grab
yourself a pair of Speedos-about two sizes : too little and drop a
fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya : man...ya'll have all
the babes you want! : : : : The following weekend, Bubba hits the
swimming hole with his spanking new : tight Speedos, and his fist-sized
potato. : : : : Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he
walked by, covering : their faces, turning way, laughing, looking sick!
: : : : Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's
wrong now?" : : : : "Lard-Almighty!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in
the front!" :

An 80-year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with
normal results. The doctor says, "Chuck, everything looks great. How
are
you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Chuck replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's

fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom,
POOF! the light goes on. When I'm done, POOF! the light goes off.



" WOW, That's incredible" the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Chuck's wife. "Helen," he
says,

"Chuck is doing fine, but I had to call you as I am in awe of his
relationship with God.

Is it true that he gets up during the night and POOF! the light goes on
in
the bathroom, and when he's done POOF! the light goes off?

Oh my God!" Helen exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!

i have heard that one but it went the little boy had to say "hark pistol
shot there lies a fair madden with hope in her soul,i think i'll snatch
a kiss and make away in the dark, by shakespeare".but what he said was
"hark shisol pt there lies a fair madden with soap in her hole i think
i'll kiss her snatch and make away in the dark by snake shit..bull
shit..ahh fuck it i didnt want to be in this play anyway"

thank you all

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a
response on the monitor when she touches her. They go to her husband and
explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a
little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma. "The
husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the
curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees
and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor
flat-lines... no pulse ... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room.
The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think
she choked."

is there anyone on here from oklahoma?

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court, when I noticed
an
old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.


The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red,
orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.


The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When
the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old
man,
never done anything wild in your life?


The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and
had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if maybe you were my son."

bums=hand out

playboy=sexy bodies

sexy bodies

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

tennessee = country music

i understand that our great great great great grandfathers came here for
some other country,but they had to learn english

thats what im talking about Kng

Thank you Taino..you have some good points there..and thats all i ask is
for some type comment.

hey Onterio...if i want to hear from a ass hole ill fart

so you think it ok that we should have to learn there language and not
the other way around.

well Taino what do you think about all of this