- Frank Sinatra

Hell yeah.

You need beer.

Just the usual.....screwing off at work while making an obscene amount of money doing so.

Rowdy and a hottie.

Women who can drive duallys are hot.

Ex #2 pulled this one on me about five months after we were dating. She told me she was late for her period and thought she was pregnant. I was shocked because we had always used protection. She tried to convince me that there were a few times when we did not but I was just not sure. This went on all day long. She came over after work and showed me the pregnancy tester and it showed a big fat "+" sign.

We then talked about how to tell everyone, what we planned to do, would we get married or not, where would we live, baby names, etc, etc, etc. This went on for two or three hours that evening. The big problem seemed to be how to tell everyone. We argued about it for a while when I finally said, "Look, I'll tell your parents and mine. If they don't like it, tough sh!t." She then tells me that there is nothing to tell because she's not pregnant....."April Fools"!!!!

She had a friend at work who was less than two weeks from delivery do the pregnancy test for her. They were joking that if her friend performed the test in her condition that the tester was going to explode. They were all in on it. I called her in the middle of the day and two of them talked to me about how upset she was and I was going to have to convince her that everything would be alright. Like a pack of wolves on fresh meat.

I like the marriage proposal idea. Be sure to include a pre-nuptual agreement. That ought to seal the deal.

Uhhhh...yeah. "This object can and will kill human beings if operated by stupid people."

Sure.

Don't ask about the Mustang. You're adorable and I could luv you forever but don't ask to drive the Mustang.

Living well is the best revenge.

Ex #1 told me she was getting rid of the "dead weight" when we split. Funny.....the one she left me for is laid up on her couch because he can't find a job in the "construction industry" and she's still toiling away at the same job for almost the same miserable pay she was making 14 years ago.

Meanwhile....I've been a Mechanical Engineer for ten years and my salary has gone up from $28K when we split to over $90K a year since our divorce.

Yeah...some dead weight I turned out to be. Yes..she hates me. No, I don't give a damn.

Ok.

If I was a doctor.....that attitude is probably what I'd have.

All of the Loony Toons stuff. Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Elmer, Foghorn Leghorn, Sylvester.

Cartoons today just suck.

Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Lilith.

Now, TAC.....shoot that broad in the face with a bazooka. Then move along.

Yup! There are a few!

Well....golly gee whiz, Beav. I mean...if it's on the INTERNET then it just has to be the honest truth.

Hhhhhhhmmmmm.....let's see here.
1. 2007 Ford Mustang GT - twin turbocharged; 11.20's/125 mph and can be driven anywhere at anytime with a/c, cd, etc, with 20 mpg city/26 mpg highway. I love this car. (This says I'm still a kid at heart, a mechanical whiz, and I'm pretty good at drag racing)

2. 1999 Ford F350 Lariat Dually - still smells relatively new inside, looks great outside, tows race cars anywhere and still manages 18 mpg on the highway. Plus, I can put five kids in football pads inside the truck and not have that whole "minivan" thing to worry about. LOL. (This says I'm a responsible parent, a businessman, and I hate minivans)

3. 2002 Ford Escort - daily driver; looks fair; runs great; gets 25 mpg in town; 35 mpg on the highway; gas saver! Since I drive over 100 miles a day round trip I am saving money on gas and miles on my other two vehicles. (This says I'm conserving energy and saving money)

Personally...I don't care what other people think my choice of car says about me. I like me and I love my cars. I take great care of them and they are more than just a way to get from "A" to "B".

I don't suppose anyone has told them that global warming is a myth.

You can't fix Stupid.

I'm just saying.......