Chinese man rings his boss. "Me no work, I sick." His boss says, "When I am sick I f*ck my wife, try that." Two hours later the Chinese man rings back. "Me better, you got nice house!"

the african girl has a black c*nt. ie. black box

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"

One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.

Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one--the one that the farmer shot."

The teacher replied, "No Johnny,you're wrong, but I like the way you think."

"OK,teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?"

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top then sucks out the inside."

Johnny responded, "No,teacher, you're wrong--it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

An American girl, a French girl and an African girl are travelling in a plane. The plane is about to crash. The American girl puts on make-up.Everyone was curious. "Rescuers will save a beautiful girl first!" she said. The French girl opens her bra, "the rescuers will save a girl with beautiful breasts!" she said. Then the African girl removes her knickers and says "f*uc off, they always look for the black box first!"

One morning Tommy's mother calls him for breakfast and on his way he kicks a cow, a chicken, and a pig. When he gets inside he finds a bowl of dry cereal on the table and askes his mother "What's this?" She replies "You kicked a cow,so no milk for you. You kicked a chicken, so no eggs for you.And you kicked a pig, so no bacon for you." As his father is on his way into the house for breakfast he kicks the cat. When he gets inside Tommy says to his mother."Should you tell him or should I?"

A man is walking along the beach and sees a woman with no arms and legs crying. He stops and asks her what is wrong.She said "I've never been kissed".The man was feeling sorry for her so he picks her up and gives her a kiss. As he begins to walk away she starts crying. He asks "Now what's wrong?".She says "Well it's just that I've never been ****ed." So the man picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says. "There, now you're ****ed"

It has been determined, the most used sex
position for married couples is a doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead....

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray my penis I will keep
If I wake and it is gone
I hope to find it on the lawn
I hope the dog that's running free
Doesn't see this part of me
Much precautions I must take
To keep this part of me to sake
Much attention I must pay
To assure I put the knives away
The mower, the chainsaw, the hatchet too
Why there's no telling what she'll do
To rid me of my manly charm
I must keep it safe from harm.
I cross my fingers as I close my eyes
And cross my legs to avoid surprise.

Wayne Bobbit

Helllo.I'm new here and I would like any possibe feedback so that my husband and I have a better sucess rate here than other sites.

Hi I'm new on here but not new to online dating. I met my husband on an online dating site. We are trying again. We had tried another site awhile ago and just found that everyone on there was looking for the "perfect" person.We aren't perfect but we like to have fun when we can. We are looking for a woman to become friends with and possibly sexual encounter if she is interested. Wish me luck!lol