Community > Posts By > shareahug

 
shareahug's photo
Wed 11/07/12 01:21 PM
WOW Wux and I got all that:wink: so here it is...I am not needy ..I want.....I am also not desperate but if people want to think I sound like I am that's their opinion and privilege....

I retired at 54 ...husband dx with cancer 4 months later..I became an instant nurse and lived in a world of hell, pain, medicine, hospitals, love, tears, fear....for 3 1/2 years...I did everything in my power to make his life as easy and comfortable as I could...my life was put on hold ....2 years after his passing and my grief...I am in the same place I was...I am still retired...my kids are still grown...I am still living alone....and I am still ready to go .go...go....but although my life is full and happy...the partner to share with is gone....and that's what I want....yes..atravel partner....even to the grocery store....a lover.....someone to snuggle with on a rainy day and watch a movie....someone to love and who will love me...that not being needy or desperate...it's being human...my life is right where it was the day my husband was dx...only difference is I'm alone now...I still have the same wants and dreams....and all I'm trying to do is fill my bucket to the brim again...not replace my husband...I have room in my heart for others...and just want to share my life with someone...if that is so wrong..then so be it....

shareahug's photo
Wed 11/07/12 09:58 AM
After having a lenghthy conversation with my 40 year old daughter....I have come to the conclusion.....that I am desperate...to meet a partner....and this is why....I am 58...I was retired at 54....with alot of money...my husband was dx with lung and bone cancer...4 months later....so all money went to his medical and there was no chance travel...2 years after his passing I am ..still retired, kids grown, all that's missing is the travel partner, the man to share with.....so desperate ...in a hurry...YES! I want to enjoy the years I have left....and when I'm ready to sit and rock I want someone hand to hold....what do you all think of me doing my profile like this...

Desperate before I am too old to have fun..to meet a partner who also wants to have fun..


shareahug's photo
Mon 11/05/12 12:49 PM
PERFECT! Greeneyes....makes all the sense in the world to me.....BUT now I really need everyone's help...I am not needy....but I am lonely....I am self-supporting....live alone.....have a 3/4 filled bucket and all that's missing to me is someone to share with ...and snuggle ...you all know...the physical contact....so that I guess makes me needy also????? what do I do...it's been a really long time since I've been alone....touched...held...and I hate it....I keep myself as busy as can be but still go to bed alone and wake up alone...so how do I get rid of that sense of not needing...but wanting a man in my life....I've tried...and still a few days a week...I feel it...and almost feel like paying someone at times..just to hold me...OMG! is that horrible.....the loneliness is a killer....and I don't know if I'll ever get used to it..it's not the first time I've been alone in my life so it's not something I haven't experienced...but it was always a different time in my life...at my age now and my kids all being gone and grown....I'm retired young....now is when I really have the time to enjoy ...life and a partner to share with.....brokenheart

shareahug's photo
Mon 11/05/12 10:02 AM
something I do know about myself .....I am extremely attracted to handsome dysfunctional men....I guess I am a caregiver ...rescuer...and know it's wrong ..hopefully I can break the habit....

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...."shocked

shareahug's photo
Mon 11/05/12 06:46 AM


Oh Green Eyes ..how right you are....out of all the men I have met face to face in the past 8 months..nothing has gone beyond a second date.... ...Yes I do agree...with all you've said...I found most of these men talk about leaving all baggage, drama and old issues behind...but they are the ones who have it all...they put words in your mouth...I just sit dumbfounded sometimes....LOL....at the stupidity in what other hear being so different from what you've said......but I think I've learned alot here...I appreciate all of you who have the maturity and compassion to be able to read a profile and see it all clearly and not look for hidden messages..because I don't have any..I don't have an agenda with men either.....thanks all..


What are you really trying to say? waving



LMao! Hiker....am I that blunt???:banana:

shareahug's photo
Mon 11/05/12 06:43 AM
Single...because I'm widowed....and haven't met anyone who wants to be in a realtionship....no one has an Uncle Bill..or brother Bob..so I am on dating sites...learning here..stopped looking...I'm hopeing after years of being alone that I don't become used to it...so far I was good for well over a year...just starting to hate it...I know me ..if I get used to it ..I will be alone the rest of my life...so sad..waving

shareahug's photo
Sun 11/04/12 03:36 PM


I met a man two days ago on here...we e-mailed back and forth...he asked me if I would like to meet for coffee today...at a certain place with a 3 hour window..of time..I said I would love to...just close up the time limit a little for me...never heard from him ...today ...so I sent him a message saying "I gues we aren't meeting for coffee , I don't think that was very nice" ...I freed my afternoon so I could meet him and then he's a Houdini.....now you see him ..now you don't...why do people do this...I can't say men because I know men who have gone through the same thing...what are they thinking..and why talk to someone in the first place or aske the to meet and then disappear..can someone explain this behaviour to me...I must be a friggin nut job...


I have met men in person from other sites, and never been stood up.
They showed up, although we were not a perfect match. I hope I do not encounter anyone not showing up, I would probably not be on this site Long. lol


I have never been stood up...and left waiting..had a couple who never confirmed plans...

shareahug's photo
Sun 11/04/12 09:23 AM
The first man I met 8 months ago on Senior People was a scammer from GHANA....I learned alot since then...if you right click the picture ...save it...and go to google image....sometimes you're lucky enough to come up with a person who has 8 names or one that has "scammer" "fake" stamped on the picture...that's the quick way...now if you don't get anywhere with the picture..maybe it's a new one the person is using...and you get to the point of e-mailing..you can check their IP address and Header and that will tell you where it's coming from....it slaps you when you think the person lives in the next town and an African, Canadian etc flag comes up in the header...

shareahug's photo
Sun 11/04/12 07:02 AM

Sharia-A-Hug, the user RoamingOrator said up there that your profile is already scary.

So you may be doing already what I advised here.

In that case try to feel the men out for their reading and comprehension abilities. Do you say they must be funny? Do they reply they are funny? Do they ever SOUND funny? if no, they are playing lip service.

Do you say they must look like their pictures? do they say they look like their pictures? You can't verify this until you meet them, UNLESS you get a webcam and IM them with pics to see what they actually look like. You run a big risk this way, that they will show their penises (those, at least, who have more than one), and that's gross. There does seem to be no easy answer to anything. As much as technology helps, it also makes it harder.

Do you say they must be well to do, or be well off, or be available for international travel? Do they say they are? do they bail from paying for the coffee? Avoid this disappointment by asking them to email you a scanned page of their bank statement or if they would order an Equifax or other reputable credit reporting agency to send you a transcript of their credit worthiness. Or ask them to fax or emial you a scanned image of pages of their passports, current passports, to see if they have one in the first place, and if yes, the entry and exit stamps show how often and how far they travel.

These are the safety tips I would use if I were a woman, and would send to the woman if she were to ask me.

Now. The above may sound stupid or ridiculous to you, but it will ensure that the guy won't stand you up. At this point, this is your main concern, so let's do one concern at a time. if I were to tell you the entire contents of the Book of Dating, you would stand there stunned like a Mullah who had just been recited the enitre Old Testament, end-to-end, in one reading.

Another thing. Try to get a FB. A FWB. This sounds stupid, too, but it will cut down on your tone of desparation.

A FWB does not have to be sleezy, at all, or a sleezy relationship. Not at all. In fact, they are very often the most noble and spiritually, emotionally, and physically satisfying relationships. Why? coz there is not much at stake, so the parties can afford to become honest, open, sincere, with expressing their concerns, emotions and needs, often without the fear of being judged for them.

If you want a secret, very secret FWB, get the minister of your parish, or the judge in your small town, somebody like that. Not the pub owner or the local pimp or the editor of the community paper. Somebody very married, happily, with kids, who does not want to jeopardize his existence.

He will be your buddy, your f buddy, your mentor, your support, your teacher like I and others here are now.

This is not a bad deal, and people are doing it left right and centre, they just don't talk about it, for the reason that they prefer it private.

There. Go and forth yourself. Find a man, do it with him, and then start a search to look for a partner you can call your very own.



I have been offered FWB more times than I can count..I think I might take someone up on it...it's not what I want...but why do I sound desperate to you...hurried to someone else....what's in my writing that gives that off...could you explain that to me..because I'm not seeing it for some reason....sorry I called you nasty>flowerforyou

shareahug's photo
Sun 11/04/12 06:58 AM

The up-side is that you didn't spend three hours waiting in a coffee shop for no one to show. I hate it when that happens, and it happens too often.

As far as meeting someone, a quick look at your profile tells me that you've got a very limited window for men that aren't, well, let's just say "scared" to meet you. Just a suggestion, but you might want to widen your age range and distance a little. If they can't email you, you can't meet them.



This is something I've tried but then most men say .."well I wanted someone closer" or I am out of THEIR age search...I have no idea what to do besides call it quits...all of my relationships I have just met the man...in person...this is my first try at online dating...and maybe it's just not for me ..or I'm not for it...a 45 year old man who lives 100 miles away is not going to write to me...I've already tried...so I'm not sure how to open the window...I see what you mean...but it didn't work for me.I guess I'll hang around for a little longer and just read and learn...as many thing that I have been said to me ..not one is clear to me what I'm doing wrong...thanks for your help.

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 11:01 AM
Jacktrades....my thanks for your understanding..andyou're right we have talked so you can see me and hear me better....Iunderstand what you're saying....to look at the few bad and walk away...I know not all are bad...and I actually was starting to learn that here ..what alot of you have been through....it means alot to me and I'm learning alot....I 'm real easy to get along with...am flexible...in my thoughts and actions and roll with the moment....that's how I've made it to this age and still smile inspite of some of my hardhships...all I really wanted to know is if people today are really that dishonest....it amazes me......and now that I know some have had worse than me....maybe I can sail through this a little easier....thanks my friend...flowerforyou

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 09:24 AM
WOW! I guess you told me..."women like me" ..steriotyped..I'm just curious as to why people in general do what they do..it's my honesty coming through..Idon't lie to people..or lead them on...and I don't whine..and am not whining hear...I am simply asking for advise...as I have been married for almost 40 years of my life and am trying to learn about the dating world...the bowling thing was a joke..it's been fixed between me and the other person...it was just a misunderstanding..that's why I deleted my post....Inever said I didn't like bowling ..the comment was that I am a good bowler..so let's stick to the facts please..if you're going to rip my personality...I don't have zero tolerance in people...BUT I do have zero tolerance for BS, liars, concealment...drama....so if that scares some men like yourself....that really isn't my issue...if honesty isn't there...it is a mirage....I'm not the mirage...the BS is because it will be seen someday.....thank you for your input...but you are dead wrong about me....you slam me for asking why>why> why> ......there is something called learning...curiousity...so a person understands...and is more able to grasp the world as it is today if they haven't been in this part of it for 40 years....now we've both given out opinion...I say you and I will agree to disagree..and stay clear of each other....because although you haven't asked...everything you write I think is nasty.

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 08:14 AM
Edited by shareahug on Sat 11/03/12 08:41 AM
Oh Green Eyes ..how right you are....out of all the men I have met face to face in the past 8 months..nothing has gone beyond a second date.... ...Yes I do agree...with all you've said...I found most of these men talk about leaving all baggage, drama and old issues behind...but they are the ones who have it all...they put words in your mouth...I just sit dumbfounded sometimes....LOL....at the stupidity in what other hear being so different from what you've said......but I think I've learned alot here...I appreciate all of you who have the maturity and compassion to be able to read a profile and see it all clearly and not look for hidden messages..because I don't have any..I don't have an agenda with men either.....thanks all..

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 08:05 AM
Edited by shareahug on Sat 11/03/12 08:43 AM
For Johnn smile2

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 07:03 AM
Thanks a million Bill....you read me clearly...why do some men see this as a threat....hell...I'm as playful as a kitten with a partner...am just not needy...whiney....you would think men would want a women like that...Damn you men confuse me...

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 06:10 AM
Sad, alone, frustrated and sometimes hopeless ..

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 06:08 AM
I am extremely honest and dislike deceit and concealment immensely...so my profile is pretty honest...no secrets...

would some of you mind reading it..I was told it would scare men off..but never told why....I promise to listen with open ears ...to all comments...thanks

shareahug's photo
Sat 11/03/12 06:05 AM
I don't have much to say on this issue because honestly I feel it's pretty cut and dry....I love most of the answers and think they are dead on especially Navy girl and Leigh......feminisim and independence are two different issues BUT ultimately the majority of men that we women meet out there are intimidated by both....

I am strong, independent, confident and capable.....I was raised that way and then some of life's experiences have made all traits stronger as I got older....that being said....I have a soft, feminine, kind, gentle , loving, playful side to me...I still want a man to hold me and at times I need his shoulder to cry on...I intimidate most men I meet....they don't always take the time to even see the soft side and others see it right through the strenghth...Nice...when that happens....real men...all the way around..confident in themselves...so they are out there...not many have crossed my path ...sadly....

one of the men here told me my profile would scare men off...I asked him why ...got no answer....so I read it again...I see nothing in it that would scare a child off....but if anyone wants to comment on what would scare a man off ...I will be all ears.....

Nice conversation...

shareahug's photo
Fri 11/02/12 05:14 PM

I wish there was someone for me. I want to love and be loved. What am i doing wrong?:heart:



I feel the exact same...so sad sometimes..

shareahug's photo
Fri 11/02/12 03:56 PM
AHHH...thanks so much...You all give me hope...I'm actually a nic eperson too....LOL

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