imagine how many theoretical view points I have studied by now
from Freud to Jung to Erikson, Piaget, Carl Rogers, Skinner

Rational emotive
Gestalt
CBT
Behavioral
Solution Focused
System
Choice/Reality
psychoanalytic
Adlerian
Transactional Analysis


not sure if it's a lacking somewhere in my education..
but none specifically deal with this concept of change
but who knows..I am taking an addictions class this fall for an elective
maybe I will learn something new

mmmm..it is more like I am a walking contradicition on this one

something I was not really aware of
on the surface level I believe anyone is capable of change
my logical brain accepts this as truth
but yet..there are many who cannot do it
or is it will not..

that is the question
is it specifically about being addicted
mmmm...the conversation spurred the thread topic
because in my mind
there seems to be a division line

those who can change
those who cannot


wonder how much of this is based on my experiences
clouding my judgement


the thread is about change
are we all capable of it
what makes one succeed while another fails

yes this is a topic close to my heart
but you can discuss it from a philosophical or academic point of view
and it can be about anything or anyone you know
that has made some definite and lasting changes in their life

gotta go make lunch for hungry kiddos
but will certainly check in later
and contemplate all responses
I appreciate the input

bring it back from specifics to generatlizing
what is change
what is involved in making it stick?

ya know when you hear someone say
oh a psych major? did you go into it to figure out why
you are so screwed up?

hahahaa..there's more than one grain of truth in that

father was an alcoholic but folks divorced when I was five
mom on other hand, was bi-polar
so my brother and I grew up with someone who was either
up and happy " get in car kids we're going shopping"
or up and angry " get down on your knees with this toothbrush and clean that better"
or down in dumps sad lighting candles and drinking beer


dad we would see couple times a year but he was getting arrested for DUI's
and going to court, lost many jobs along way and he was an educated man with two degrees

so brother and I one year apart in age raised in same environment
he chose to drink. I didn't


his reasoning? it's in our genes why fight it
my reasoning? it's in our genes fight like a mutha fuka

I think some are more suseptible to it at a physiological level

9 out 10 people can have a drink and be perfectly fine with it

walk away whenever they want to

but the 1 out 10? it affects them at a different level

I think in beginning? yes, they had capability perhaps to walk away from it

but I think for these..few

all things in moderation just does not work

somewhere along the line this became their coping mechanism of choice

and no amount of pressure from loved ones was enough for them to change

it is a physiological response in the body and in the brain

that most do not have

I appreciate your honesty
<<< daughter of an alcoholic
sister of one ..both deceased
both drank til the day they died


now since I realize this gene runs in family
I CHOOSE not to partake

but...because I have had a close relationship with two people
that did not walk away from it
has this clouded my vision so to speak
my belief on whether I think anyone is capable of change
true change


see why I asked this question?

do you think the difference is how most actually view it? some see it not as a disease but a matter of will power?

as I said..this is mostly for me to do a checks/balances on what it is I really believe..hold myself up to the light so to speak

something I do from time to time

how important is it to have a support system?

say you start drinking as a teenager
your folks try to get you to quit
do an intervention
say you go to a in house treatment program for youth
you come out of it
you are good for awhile
stuff happens in your life
you turn to booze once again as a means of coping
a girlfriend, co worker, boss, family member
talks you into rehab again
it sticks for awhile
you backslide

you repeat this pattern for a good portion of your life
now family members, significant others, friends

have formed an opinion on you and your ability to change

hmmm..what then constiutes pathological?

not really sure ...but you sound like this is triggering something in you..

I am not against group therapy sorry if it came across that way

some will change, some won't is exactly my point

no right or wrong answer on this one people
just open to consider other points of view
to do a check on my own

but yet it got me thinking..questioning

are their certain circumstances where my core belief is that this person is incapable of change?



rapist
child molester
someone who is violent
someone who has been diagnosed
with a personality disorder..
like Narcissist

noooo..in fact, I know the stats on success with any substance abuse group is not great..

not pointing a finger at AA being the end all

just know that there are very few alcoholics that walk away from the bottle for good

the ones that do? are exceptional individuals

he just came across as kind of cocky about whole thing..I asked if he had an accountability partner, a mentor in the program and he pretty much said he did not need one.
I walked away..and spent the rest of the day considering my own beliefs on this matter..

I have always been a big proponent of choice

anyone and everyone has a choice each day on who it is they decide to be


but other day I ran smack dab into a conversation which made me reconsider this..





guy starts messages me and we chit chat for a bit
he mentions he used to drink....heavily
he's been sober for three years now
but when I ask if he goes to meetings he said no not anymore..
I found myself thinking...hmmmm...you gonna backslide just a matter of time

amazing how many people that love each other come with all these kind of conditions when it comes to living together

my brother would have argued that who you are is who you are..it does not change
who you are at 15 is who you are at 30 and who you still are at 50

meaning the basic parts of your personality remain constant