Be careful, I just ended a discussion about men who started relationship
on lies and what happened to them by the women they hurt. Take your time
and find all you can before you do something you can never undo. Follow
your gut instinct. Dont be too trusting. And if you take a chance
against your better judgement, dont blame the man if you made a mistake.

Just came across this info... check it out if ya like...

http://shanks-pandiath.blogspot.com/2007/02/getting-him-or-her-back.html

toodles

"I started talking to this guy who lived in Nebraska. We hit it off
really well with long sleepless night just chatting on the computer even
on the phone for hours at a time. It just felt so comfortable and easy
talking to one another. We shared out hopes and our dreams. We even made
a promise to wait for each other. Not to see or be with anybody else."

So far, so good....

"He moved to Oregon to start his life over."

I'm assuming you're quoting him on this, the "start his life over" part?
Hmm, not so good. Why did he have to "start his life over?" Most people
who move are "continuing" their life, not "starting it over." Red flag
No. 1.

"He arrived there last Saturday night."

Saturday night a week ago or this past Saturday night?

"Since he has been there, though, I have not heard from him."

Wait. This is the guy you spent countless hours with, the guy who
promised to wait for you, the guy who you spent several hours on the
phone with, with whom you shared your hopes and dreams?

"I really liked this guy."

BTDT...but how much can you really know about a person whom you've never
even met? I wish I had a dollar for every time a man misrepresented
himself to me.

"But I want to know is how long is a good waiting period to wait to hear
from him?"

Granted moving takes time, but remember, this is "Mr. Wonderful," the
guy who promised..yadayadayada...

"I do not have number for him as he just moved."

No cellphone? OK, not everyone has a cellphone.

"And i know he has been online just not to sure about being on
messenger."

You know he's been online...hmmm..so why wouldn't he have been on
messenger? Why COULDN'T he have been on messenger? If you know he's been
online, I presume you saw his profile up somewhere, that stated he was
online? Hmmm...well, okay, first of all, before there's any gun-jumping,
I will say that I know that sometimes profiles will show up as being
online when, in fact, they are not. I know this from personal experience
with my own profile. So, in all fairness, he may not have been online at
all.

On the other hand....On to Red Flag No. 2...

So any advice would be great.

My advice would be...give him a VERY GENEROUS one week. And that's being
exceedingly benevolent, if you ask me. IMO, if the guy cares that much
about you, he would have gotten in touch with you as soon as he arrived
in Oregon and got settled in, even if he had to go to a phone booth and
call you collect.

If the situation were reversed, would you have gotten in touch with him
ASAP? Wouldn't you have thought he might be concerned about your safe
arrival, or just anxious to hear from you again? I know I would.

Maybe it's just me, but, silly me, I sometimes mistakingly take it for
granted that everyone has MANNERS -- and actually uses them. So...this
guy may be still just settling in...but my gut instinct and experience
tells me....RED FLAGS should be out.

There has hardly ever been a time when I thought something (based on
sheer logic and common sense), along with a bit of gut instinct, where I
have been wrong about something/someone I was suspicious of. And I later
regretted doubting myself. People can be their own worst enemies
sometimes. Listen to your head first, then your heart.

"Thank you for your time."

You're welcome.

whisper, my opion is different..there is no time limit here.. for your
heart will let u know when to quit waiting for this guy. example: for as
if u had two different guys do this exact thing to u. one guy u might
wait for 3 months...the other u might wait for 2 weeks.. It all depends
on your feelings that u had for him, how much time u spent with him, how
many things u had in common, and the things u shared with each other.
now only you know these things and how u felt about this guy. Honestly
one cant really start their life over...cause your past is all a part of
who you really are. ya cant run from it either.

Buttons, are you suggesting she should wait for this guy for (possibly)
three months, just because her "heart tells her to?" At what point is
she supposed to come to the realization that this guy is very likely
just a player?

Granted, there is a chance he might not be; at this point it's a little
soon to make that determination. After all, there could be ANY "excuse"
for his not having called her yet, right?

The thought of a budding romance is "oh so sweet," but why do we not
ever encourage people to use logic instead of emotion, to think with
their brain and not with their heart? Especially when it comes to women.

I can't tell you how many times I've been hurt because I wanted to hang
on to some idealistic, fairytale romantic notion that I had in my
head...the whole while KNOWING exactly "what was (really) what. I do
that less and less as the years go by...call me jaded, if you will, call
me cynical...I prefer "savvy." The older I get, the more concerned I am
with protecting my own feelings, with trusting what logic tells me to
trust.

If the guy TRULY cares about her, he'll get in touch with her SOON. (He
already should have, IMO). Barring some unforeseen misfortune, there is
NO excuse for his not having contacted her yet.

no jean i wasnt suggesting to wait for 3 months.. that was an example.
and i do agree with what u just said. as u get older u put up with less
and less lol and do get pickier and pickier. i dont let the heart get
involved as fast as i did when i was 26 like whisper is.. facts are
seems to be i maybe wrong.. looks like her heart already is involved but
how much? do u know? only she knows.. and only time will tell how long
it will take to wait. personally i would not wait but for maybe 2 weeks.
if he didnt call I would feel like the guy wasnt really that interested
in me. but it may take her longer or may have taken her shorter who
knows? havent u ever in your life said ok im gonna forget this guy but
ya still keep thinking about him? like i said myself now i am more like
u are now but not when i was 26.

Actually, not much has changed from when I was 26 to now. I knew then
when I was getting duped; the major difference was, I just didn't pay
attention to it. Now I pay more attention to logic than to fantasy. But
I still get hurt because, no matter how savvy I may be, if I want to
have a man in my life, I do have to let my guard down a bit and be
willing to put a certain element of trust into it. But not two weeks'
worth. Barring an accident which has rendered him unable to use the
phone...or death...I can't see ANY excuse whatsoever for his not having
gotten in touch with her. Even if he's just "confused" or whatever, the
very LEAST he could do is go to a phone booth and call her and tell her
that. He could IM her, he could email her and let her know, at the very
least, that he's okay. He could write her a Dear Jane letter;
whatever...people excuse rude and inconsiderate behavior too much and
that's why we end up getting hurt and that's why people continue to
engage in rude and inconsiderate behavior ....because we allow them to.

Sure, if she wants to hold on to a fantasy and wait for this guy, by all
means...please do.

But she asked for advice and my advice is she should move on. I mean, if
it turns out he had some "good reason" for not getting in touch, and he
does eventually contact her, then she can decide at that point where to
go from there, right? But I sure don't advise she sit around pining over
this guy. Life's too short. Too many good men out there without waiting
around for some guy who (apparently) doesn't care enough to make a
simple phone call.