If you was to meet someone and you find them mentioning the things they
would not ever do in another relantionship would that turn you off
towards them making you feel that hell they should give me the same
respect and love as they did the ones before me. Like you hear guys that
when they were married before and they lived in a real nice brick home
and now he is only willing to live in something half that nice saying I
did that before and got taken and not gonna do it again? Or a woman that
use to pamper the men she dated and now refuses to do that more it's all
about her or nothing and out for the material things. Or she want date
anyone that don't make a certain amount of money?

This is a complicated question.

to much info for me to digest.....lol no for sure on how much money i
make. i feel she's not in it for us.

YES, it most asertively could, 'turn-me-away-from-her-!!!!

Like let's say, I love and want a lady to be real close and loving to me
always..

Then I meet a lady here who said that "she" done that sh`t bfore
with her last husband or boyfriend and "she" was NOT going to do THAT
again,,,,,,,,,,,,, wow,ok,,,,,,see-ya.

So yep if the one that I would want to get to know here, told me some
bad ideas and through talking with her she was SET in that THOUGHT,
well, I would NOT look into her any DEEPER!!

To each HER OWN...

I think it is only natural to feel bitter about getting
burned/used/taken advantage of. If you put it all out there & then lost
it, why risk the trust of doing that again.
However, when a relationship grows, trust has to grow also. So your
frst. feelings are apt to change. Everyone wants that warm/fuzzy
feeling that goes w/a great relationship. Nice things come also,
because each member wants good things for the other. Human nature is to
want nice things, we consider it a sign of success, relationship success
also. So I think frst. feelings will change if the relationship grows.

well iam what if they just want to let you know there situation, we all
have a bad choice of words when trying to communicate with the opposite
sex. i know i stumble everytime i open my mouth...lol

isn't it true that each of us are individuals in our own. I believe if
two people enter upon a relationship they should be ready for a
relationship and not still dwelling on bad experiences of the past.
Money is not the issue as much as the intentions of each party.

I would hope she would treat each new person, each new relationship, as
a brand new experience with its own characteristics and parameters.
Having said that, though, I know it is all too easy to overgeneralize
and think "I have to be careful and make sure this one is not like the
last one," etc. I've caught myself falling into that sort of thought
pattern every once in awhile, and it's really not fair to the other
person. Everybody is an individual, everybody is unique. Except for
identical twins, maybe! (But even they would have separate and
individualized experiences, unless they're conjoined....!)

Hello there Slow, and Yes I know what your saying ,,,like
nervius and such and open-mouth and insert foot...MY LIFE,lol

But my anwser above was if YOU and HER "really talk" and she just is
"SET" on a certain WAY that "I" would HATE a lady to be LIKE,,,I just
wouldn't persue her any deeper,
because I would NOT want her to CHANGE for ME or QUESTION HER IDEAS to
soot MINE!

But we all all FULL of different views and ideas, I just have come to
find that if anyone that I talk to tells me she is "THIS WAY" then she
simply is that way or does THAT what she has said she does,,,
Like,,,,,,,,IM NOT A TOUCHY FEELY KIND_OF WOMAN!!!
I COULD CARE_LESS IF MY MAN EVER KISSES ME OR GETS CLOSE TO ME THROUGH
THE DAY!!!!
That kind of feelings is ok for HER but I would not LIKE that at
all!!LOL
And I've met some here who have told me JUST THAT!!lol

This is not something I'm going through but have heard others mention it
at times even in here. I was reading a post and one of the guys
mentioned that what he hated was having to buy another home cause the
last one took him and he was not going through all that gain. Sorry but
when I hear someone mention it like that sorry he needs to regroup and
make sure he wants in another relantionship for no matter what you
should want to give the one your in-love with that same respect and want
to do things with them and having what you can and enjoy life with each
other spending time with them doing little things mean the most but both
are gonna have to learn to love them with all there heart not half of it
just because someone else did ya wrong does not mean the next one would.
And I have heard women say things like in the same manner like they had
always been loving but the next one well more or less all they want is
the money or what they can do for them.

So to me that would be a turn off to me cause one I dont talk about
materiel things to me that is nice but that is all it is nice.If I was
dating someone and the connection could be there I would not want to
hear what he would not ever do in the future for the one he is to be
with to me if you love someone you both want to do for each other and
have the things in life that makes you both happy and know if you cant
get it the world will not end either.

yes iam iknew what you had meant, and i agree if she is set(stubborn) in
her ideas,then it is not in anyones best interest.

Your right T you have to know that person wants you either my a touch a
look or something and want to do things for them also as they do for
you. Its is just when you find that special one to love you should not
hold back you should love them with alll your heart. Hey if if turns out
to be a mistake hummmmmmm guess what everyone has had a
broken heart and but unless your willing to give it your
all you will never know and wonder what if? later.

Get to know the person, before making any decisions, then you are well
informed on the character and morals and can make a educated decision.

Many of us just simply don't want to make the same mistakes again.

and some of us wont make the same mistake again

none of us wants to make that same mistake twice but you can not get it
set in your heads what you will not do for another in a new
relantionship just because the old one did you wrong. They deserve a new
slate to start out on and until they break that trust they should have
your full trust till then.

i hear ya'll--hate to make mistakes

hello morena--onalark--

oops--hello txsgal

I made some decisions after each relationship. Those decisions had to do
with what I Want in a relationship, not what I am not going to do for
them. It seems some people do say why can't you get me this or why can't
you do that for me. They may not say it, however asking for something
when money is tight is no way to have a growing relationship. It took me
over 15 yrs to be able to buy a house in my first marriage, it took me
20 yrs before I bought a new car.

In this day and age it is extremely hard to save money for these things
with only one person working in a relationship. Those who wish to have
these things should look at the real side of life and work for the
THINGS they desire. Every relationship is different and I treat them
that way. When Kim and I start a family hopefully we will have a house
of our own to raise our family. These are plans We have discussed as
many other things We have made plans for. We are working together for
Us, not for Me Or Her, US.

When people begin to understand what it is to share the responsibilties
of a relationship then the relationship can grow into what We have found
in each other. We discuss what is important, We share what hurts, We
share the aches and pains of life together. Try it you might like it.

JMHO



G

Hi, Shaddow. G, I agree with what you are saying. BUT, after 24 years
of marriage, my ex decided he wanted another. Our relationship was
great to begin with, but I then got to know the "other" person inside
him. He was manipulative, controlling and abusive. I stuck with it,
because that is how I was raised. He stripped me of all self respect
and then threw me out to make it on my own. I have made it; I bought my
own house, put my son through trade school and even purchased 2 new cars
since then. I'm very capable of taking care of myself and want to keep
it that way; I cannot afford to have someone take half of what I have
again after already losing 50%