Life Gets Hairy - An An-hick-dote


Better known as a feminine grooming TIRADE(What honey? TIRA-De. No it’s not a guy’s name; no, not short for Tyrone Ray - it means a long angry vent. No eagle, not that kind of vent, I’m not too hot and don’t need to cool off in that way. Babe, I’m *****’in and moan’in, okay? Fine, yes, I have air in my jaws! Paybacks son, paybacks, lol……..)

Laaaa-diiiiiesssss, I need HELP!!!!

How in the hell do y’all do THIS? Do what, you ask? Hmm, let me give ya a little Wench memory lane background. When I was a girl, yup, a wh-o-----le lot younger than now, I wanted to be a boy. Think about it. They don’t have to worry about squatting in the woods to pee. Their jeans, not to mention their socks, are in no danger of getting splattered or worse, soaked because they were provided with a handy dandy directional spout. Yes, we have a different version of a spout, but if somebody figured out how to direct that puppy, PLZZZZZ do share!!!!! HAIR ---- oh my ever-lovin’ mother. Men do not HAVE to deal with the elimination of body hair. I do not live in Europe. Hair has been an inconvenience to say the least. JEANS! Perfect answer to leg hair. Worked for years, well unless you were going swimming; then, let the games begin. Break out several razors (preferably new) or if you have some country relatives who happen to do clearing work - borrow the bush-hog (deadly, I’m guessin, but a heck of a lot quicker and just possibly worth dyin’ for). Needless to say at this point, I’ve never been a fashion plate Barbie Doll kinda girl. In reflection, being a Barbie Doll girl would END this discussion. The ***** has got smooth legs. I don’t recall ever seeing a razor, Epilady, wax, or other hair removal paraphernalia as a Barbie Accessory either with her Dream House (maybe why so named) or in any of the Malibu collection. I will freely admit, I am a bullheaded woman. Shocker of the Universe, so is my body hair. My underarms - hit my knees and thank you Creator or DNA! - this hair is reasonable. Two to four swipes with a razor and gone-zo. Done. The rest of me? I believe I cursed myself with that boy desire of old. QUEENS - any out there reading this? Y’all must have to deal with this. WHAT do YOU DOOO with this to keep it off for oh, I don’t know, past 5 p.m. if ya shave at 8 a.m. for starters………..

Yup, as a single woman not swimming, hair was not a major deal.

Ooooo blushes and giggles you’re in a relationship ------ YEYYYYY - congratulations, I hope you all are soooo happy. Ladies - we have NOW entered the HAIRY side of life. More appropriately, the hairless desired side of life.

Do I NOT have enough to contend with dealing with the leg hair, the chin whiskers, the (oh my, shudder of frrrrright) EYEBROWS trying to reach my hairline for some unknown and not yet divulged reason, let alone that bikini line I prefer to forget I have - yeah, it’s summere under all that hair. Plus, I must not forget the hair on my head. Wash and wear hair is my preference, but unfortunately that too grows fast and I end up looking like a horned owl with the emphasis on HORNED as the lovely winged bangs quickly go wild. NOPE, obviously not. The love of my life decides to stutter his request I shave (gulp, gasp of shock, Oh Lord, you hate me! WHAT could I have possibly done to deserve this?) ------- THE SOUTHERN REGION BUSH COUNTRY! Yes, the pubic region and BEYOND. Cover my face with the pillow now - please excuse me as I proceed to die of embarrassment!!!!!!!! Ohhh, this ain’t happenin’ without some major discussion folks. Did I say discussion? Pardon me, bellowing would be more the case. As my roommates rolled on the floor laughing, I ranted and raved bellowing the whole time. Is love worth THIS????? Please excuse me as I roll a cigarette, and deeply inhale - THIS, for me, is trauma! What I am about to relate is as much of my rant as I can remember. I have tried to eliminate certain words from my vocabulary due to their unladylike nature (huge growth spurt in my case). This cannot be done in this circumstance. Buckle up y’all, I’m fixin to get rough with this and the words cannot be substituted by anything more genteel. My embarrassed venting must be accomplished quickly, loudly, and with much pacing involved.

Y’all he wants to me to shave the, my, the ne-nether region. It is nicknamed a ***** for a REA-SON! (Yes, I had to ask someone much more worldly than I am just how much of the actual region is encompassed by this term. Well hell I didn’t know! Did it just refer to what is termed the venous mound of the pubic (most hairy) region or did it extend to the whole kit and kaboodle? According to her, the whole playground between the thighs is included in that term.) You know, beaver, monkey - all hairy creatures. Have you ever heard this region of female anatomy referred to as a bald flippin eagle - I think not!!!! Hell, even the bald eagle isn’t BALD and I’m guessin the female has feathers coverin that part of her anatomy. Where do you think the term ruffled feathers came from? (Okay, that’s a stretch, but I’m usin it.) Jeepers y’all, I get cramps trying to contort into a position to shave the hairs behind my knees. How in the HELL am I supposed to manage smiling at myself in a mirror with the other set of lips to shave THIS????? Granted, he offered to do it, but that is not my idea of a welcoming smile y’all. Oh gee, yeah junior, let me come within 3 inches of your scrotal sac with a razor and you tell me how hairy that situation is for YOU. What if I nick something? This takes spread eagle to a whole nother dimension. Gees O‘Man, I’m gonna need yoga for weeks to be able to accomplish this without hurtin myself. Dead stop! Good Lord, I’m considerin’ it ---- that’s just wrong!!!

The beauty of a really good vent like this; my sense of humor kicks in every time as I wind down. This time was no different. Now, I’m thinking I could go a couple of ways with this. I could go ahead and passively give in and do as requested - with a name like DifferentKindOfWench will I? - NOT! I could compromise and just trim very closely and see if the request would be repeated at a later date when my comfort zone expanded and I knew the hub-bub involved was worth it - hmm, fair, but not enough “there smartass, how do you like me now and be careful what ‘cha ask for in the future” aspect to appease my ruffled feathers. OR-R-R-R - My mind drifted back to my original phrase of Southern Region Bush Country. Hmmm, trimming bushes. Disney World of Orlando style trimming bushes. Sculpting bushes to be more exact. I live in a houseful of artistic people, I see this as a jackass kind of request ---- EYEORE!!!!!!!!!!! Now that is Wench-worthy!

Yup, Life does get hairy. Pro’s and con’s exist on what to do about it - bottom line - personal choice and (lmao) flexibility!!!!!!!!!!

I Need a Picture of What Your Talking about to Help Me Understand Your Grief

lol, sorry bored the only picture available is still on the turnip truck

I enjoyed reading that.

well I Tried

Yea well with looks like that your gona' need more then pictures!!!

OMG, I thoughtI was gonna roll out of my chair this is some funny stuff. My gawd girl no one could have put it any better then you did.

Ohhhhhhhhh I do have a question well did you do it after all or did ya chicken out?

Ohhhhh just a tip use hair conditioner instead of shaving lotion leaves it much smoother lamo

Yep I can relate to your vent toooooooo well!!

Are you flippin serious????Damn and I had him buy me Williams Electric Shave to "make my beard stand up"! F-n-A, when will I learn to come to you first ---- duhhhhh!

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OMG cackling loudly and


Wipes tears from eyes, damn good job slow! Oh hell, you know what I mean...........

BUSH HOG..Hell!! Gona' need to hire a Lumber Jack...Can't find the lake through all those trees!

Well there's a reason Paul Bunyon's from Minnesota, hun!!!!

Ohhh and Walmart has a great Electric Body Shaver lmao use what the body builders use. They have been doing it for years

After he saw how I was, he bought it for me. It does work well and the ummmm, hum, shall we say, is uh --- interesting

Uh-oh. Now you may get the itches.

Yup, Winx, such is life. But damn before that hive-effect kicks it. I'm wonderin if her suggestion of the hair stuff may chill that out too. This body groomer thingy can be used wet or dry-----Whoot!