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| Topic: what should i do | |
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o.k i have agonized back and forth over this moral dilemma and usually i'm not one to ask for advice and i know that i am going to get a bunch of different answers and still do what i think is morally right for me but ask away i will..
four years ago my girlfriend and i broke up and i wound up moving back home to raise my son by myself ,she has not bothered to call him saying that her cell phone doesnt have long distance when i know she could find a way if she wanted to talk to him but the real problem is she hasnt bothered to send any money to help support our son she is raising her daughter who is now 18 and who i raised from the time she was 3 months til 4 years ago..i know my ex doesnt make alot of money but from my understanding she is reporting that she makes less in order to get medicaid ..so i really dont know what she makes but im sure its more than the forty dollars she made weekly for the last year we were together so my question is: should i go after her for past and present child support and if i do how do i get pass the feeling that i'm taking from one child to give to another,although its not like i couldnt use the money and i wouldnt spend any on myself,or should i just let sleeping dogs lie.. sometimes i feel like i'm too nice considering what her and her family put me through... |
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If you are struggling raising your child, then seek the support...if not I'd just let it be. Noteworthy however that I do not have kids, whether that be weight on my answer or not.
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No she should help support her son....skummy not to want to talk to him too! Thats her flesh and blood!
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I'd try and do a background check to see what her finances are. If shes making a healthy amount of money, I'd take her to court to get her to start paying now.
Unless shes hit the lottery or something, trying to get back support could be worse than pulling teeth. But you know the situation better than me, so you know whats best for you and your child. |
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You need to get her to pay her daughter is 18 now so she should pay on the other child!
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Edited by
Winx
on
Sat 09/20/08 08:01 PM
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Family services will take in consideration how many children she has and how much money she makes. It doesn't mean that her child will be worse off necessarily. You'll just be receiving less.
Your child is priority to you!! Women don't like it when men don't pay child support. It goes both ways. And....cell phones get free minutes on the weekends. That's a lousy reason not to talk to one's child. Her child is 18 yrs. old? She's grown. You aren't taking away from that child. JMO. 
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live you life as if she's dead
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well i appreciate all your answers so far,but im sure you see the dilemma ..it would be more trouble than its worth ..her lack of responsibility is one of the reasons we split ...thanks but i figure to just let it alone...
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well i appreciate all your answers so far,but im sure you see the dilemma ..it would be more trouble than its worth ..her lack of responsibility is one of the reasons we split ...thanks but i figure to just let it alone... Your child deserves help from BOTH parents. I'm sorry that you and your child are in this situation.
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she has been lying about her income so that she can get medicaid,she works with her daughter at a day care and she has gotten away with it for years as far as i know ..i really dont want to cause her any trouble as she has been diagnosed with depression and might attempt to take her life like she did before ...im just afraid that if i push she may attempt it again ....another reason were not together ..that and her meddling mom blamed me for her attempted suicide when it was i who called 911..too much drama ..another reason were not together...wat a life
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thanks again everyone..i guess some can see from this why i'm in no hurry to date again cause ..boy can i pick'em or what....
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thanks again everyone..i guess some can see from this why i'm in no hurry to date again cause ..boy can i pick'em or what.... Aweee, you need to trust again...there are nice girls out there. |
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I had a husband who was suicidal as well. I've learned years ago, you cannot be responsible for anothers actions. You can just be responsible for yourself and your son. That's all that should matter to you.
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I went through the same thing with my ex. He didn't support our kids at all, no time, phone calls, no money, nothing. I managed. Its going to be hard, there's another kid involved, but you are going to have to do what's right by your son. There is more than one way to support a kid, sounds like she doing very little if anything at all, its not fair to him.
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...you all have been both kind and wise in your answers thank you one and all ...
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Edited by
Scarlett_156
on
Sat 09/20/08 08:46 PM
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If what you are relating here is correct in the details, then in my opinion it wouldn't be worth your time, trouble, and heartache to try to get his bum to help take care of her own kid. You can't force a parent to love its child--and there's a lot of evidence here that she doesn't. If you try to make her call the kid or take some role in the kid's life, it probably won't work and the kid will end up being miserable.
If she's enough of a bum to lie about her income so that she can be on Medicaid, then she's enough of a bum to find some way out of having to pay child support. This is just my opinion, of course, and of course you're going to end up doing what you think is right regardless of what anyone tells you. But always consider whether the spoils are worth the battle; here you're likely looking at legal costs, scenes in court, accusations flying everywhere, all that happy horsesh!t that starts whenever someone asks a bum for money. And yeah: What if she tries to kill herself again? What if she calls the kid and starts telling the kid lies about you and messing the kid's head up? She SHOULD love her child and she SHOULD take some responsibility but you know she's not going to. I do think the background check might be an excellent idea, though. That might give you more information so that you can decide whether to fight or not. I hope this is helpful. Good luck to you! yours in Chaos, Scarlett |
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Unless you really really need the money, it's probably best to let it go. You probably won't get much & she may make more drama than it's worth. When I see what others go through, I realize I was lucky my ex dissapeared. His now grown daughter has located him & he has some explaining to do!
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If what you are relating here is correct in the details, then in my opinion it wouldn't be worth your time, trouble, and heartache to try to get his bum to help take care of her own kid. You can't force a parent to love its child--and there's a lot of evidence here that she doesn't. If you try to make her call the kid or take some role in the kid's life, it probably won't work and the kid will end up being miserable. If she's enough of a bum to lie about her income so that she can be on Medicaid, then she's enough of a bum to find some way out of having to pay child support. This is just my opinion, of course, and of course you're going to end up doing what you think is right regardless of what anyone tells you. But always consider whether the spoils are worth the battle; here you're likely looking at legal costs, scenes in court, accusations flying everywhere, all that happy horsesh!t that starts whenever someone asks a bum for money. And yeah: What if she tries to kill herself again? What if she calls the kid and starts telling the kid lies about you and messing the kid's head up? She SHOULD love her child and she SHOULD take some responsibility but you know she's not going to. I do think the background check might be an excellent idea, though. That might give you more information so that you can decide whether to fight or not. I hope this is helpful. Good luck to you! yours in Chaos, Scarlett What you said is good. But...there won't be any court costs if he lets Family Services handled. In my state they also go back 5 yrs. for payment. |
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Family services will take in consideration how many children she has and how much money she makes. It doesn't mean that her child will be worse off necessarily. You'll just be receiving less. Your child is priority to you!! Women don't like it when men don't pay child support. It goes both ways. And....cell phones get free minutes on the weekends. That's a lousy reason not to talk to one's child. Her child is 18 yrs. old? She's grown. You aren't taking away from that child. JMO. I agree. 
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If you did manage to get payments then you would be practically asking this person to be involved with your child again. Considering her history, is that what you really want? Having to deal with an unstable person and potentially having to let your child deal with her too? If you're getting by I say let sleeping dogs lie.
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