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| Topic: The 4 stages of PMS according in a man´s view | |
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STAGE 1 - The cutie
It all begins when the lady starts getting cooey, cuddly. Good sign? Would be, if it weren´t a little bit more than usual. She hugs you out of the blue, baby talks and uses all words in the diminutive. The stage reaches its end when she says she´s got an absurd craving for chocolate. What happens next is a subtle change in this behavior, apparently harmless, to a slightly more depressed mood. STAGE 2 - The sensitive She gets emotional and cries over every little thing, like a crack in the shape of a cat on the bathroom wall (across from the toilet), or another display of a documentary about Lady Di´s life and death. This stage reaches its peak in a question that haunts all men, from the inexperienced ones to the wisest like my dad: "do you think I´m fat?". Note it´s not just a rhetorical question. Observe the intonation, the choice of words. The use of "am I" instead of "am I getting" makes the question much more explosive than we would imagine. And this question, dear friends, is just the beginning of the worst stage of PMS. This question is the borderline between the sensitive stage and a fierce one. STAGE 3 - The hurricane Dear friends, this is the most dangerous stage of PMS. There are reports of women who commited true genocide in this stage. I even suspect that some ethnic cleaning has been performed by women in PMS. Exaggeration put aside, this really is the worst part of PMS. You arrive at her place, she´s in pajamas, bunny slippers and her hair looks like WW2. She gives you a mean look while she gives you a quick, dry and tongueless kiss. After a few minutes of complete silence on her part, you realiza she´s watching that japanese channel which neither you of her know the name of. Looks like a drama happened in the 1200´s. No subtitles. Then, a little embarassed, without knowing what you did wrong, you ask that stupid question: "is everything all right?". The answer is short and dry: "Yup." Without even looking at you. Unsatisfied, you ask: "are you sure?", which is replied to with a low growl and a cavernous "Yeeeesss..." Then since we´re nice guys and realize she´s not into talking right now, we try to get what the heck Tanaka is planning to steal Kazuke from Joshiro, the film stud who... "Sh!t, did you see that???" she roars suddenly. "What?" BIIIIG mistake. Stage 3 has reached its peak right upon this question. Unknowiongly, we have just pulled the trigger. What comes next is the following: "You don´t give a damn about me!!! I´m here about to cry and you don´t even ask what´s wrong with me!!! But of course, why am I surprised?? All you do is talk about yourself!!! So your day was ****, What do you think MINE was like? And I don´t sit here and moan all over you!! And stop giving me that look, yes, that one, you know that pisses me off!! Oh, you don´t know what face??!? That dress you gave me was too small, it drives me mad when that sh!t happens!! All because you didn´t want to go back to the store with me to exchange it!! And you know what´s worst? That biker on the street today hit on me, and you didn´t do ANYTHING!!! What´s that fücking kung fu of yours for?? Oh you weren´t with me??? I wonder why!! Oh I know, you were with that hot workmate of yours! Oh shut up!!! Your voice makes me sick!! Get out of here before I do something stupid, just GO, get LOST!!" Clueless, you pick up your ego and leave. You try to give her a little goodnight kiss and almost gets bitten. STAGE 4 - THE CRAMP STAGE Next day, the phone rings, it´s her. with a tiny voice, saying she´s got a monster cramp, she can´t even walk. You go to her place and she´s all love me tender, love me sweet, with a long but docile face, like nothing happened last night. She asks you to go to the drugstore and get her an... whatever she takes for her cramps. You go, feeling relieved, but still a little suspicious: "What the heck was that??" you ask yourself, the "ok" You think, "looks like she´s got rid of whatever it was". Peace reigns again. Cramps soothe down the beast and you live happily again. Well, at least for the next 20 days.   
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Tom, quit talking to my ex!
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 Sooooo true!!
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