1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards:
NAIVE Enough said


2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? Hmmm.

3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
No sh!t




4. There are three religious truths:
A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
C. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
Cheers



5. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?




7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Or is that just someone telling porkies.




8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?





9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
I'll plead the 5th on this one.



10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
Or 22 two ty two




11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Electricians may also be electrocuted.




12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola were to merge, would you be having a poke?




13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Only in the lunch hour.




14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Pink.




15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.
No comment neccessary



16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
Ahh So




17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
That would mean overtime for the posties.




18 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
DIY.



19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
F*ckin women drivers.



20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Ask a flasher.



21 If a cow laughed really hard, would milk come out of her nose?
Amoosing



22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?



24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells
'THEIRS'?
That figures [b

9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
I'll plead the 5th on this one.ohwell



10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
Or 22 two ty two




11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Electricians may also be electrocuted.




12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola were to merge, would you be having a poke?



14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Pink. winking


17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
That would mean overtime for the posties. spock


18 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
F*ckin women drivers. o

20. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Ask a flasher. wink


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ffffffuuuuuuunnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy! REAL FUNNY