After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the
Qantas'
pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded(as marked with an
S) by the maintenance engineers.

BTW, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only Major airline in the
world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the ****pit.
S: Something tightened in the ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

And, ( the best one saved for last)......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget

OMG my eyes are watering!!! could not stop laughing!!1

lmao if only other businesses had employees with a sense of humor like
this