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| Topic: please everyone any advice will help | |
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I know its long but for me to get good advice, you will need the whole story. Ok here it goes, we were introduced through mutual friends. Her boyfriend was one of my little brothers best friends. we became great friends started and started hanging out, even when our mutual friends werent around. We were both seeing other people so there was never anything sexual between us. Thats not to say the thought didnt cross my mind.
As our friendship grew so did the jelusy of our partners, soon we couldnt even see each other without it causing problems at home. To avoid these problems we just stopped talking to eachother for almost a year. Then out of know where she called me up. It was like we hadnt skipped a beat. Our friendship picked up right where it had left off. We have even talked about getting a house together as room mates. The problem is, we both still have strong ties to our previous partners due to the children each of us had during the year we didnt see each other. My ex says she will take me back to court, and her ex says he will stabb me if we get a house together. I am not worried about either situation. I know she cant win in court, and he is all talk. At the same time who needs the added drama. On the other side of it Im not the type to let other people tell me how or who to live my life with. I am just looking for some input from some outside views. Please everything helps |
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I know its long but for me to get good advice, you will need the whole story. Ok here it goes, we were introduced through mutual friends. Her boyfriend was one of my little brothers best friends. we became great friends started and started hanging out, even when our mutual friends werent around. We were both seeing other people so there was never anything sexual between us. Thats not to say the thought didnt cross my mind. As our friendship grew so did the jelusy of our partners, soon we couldnt even see each other without it causing problems at home. To avoid these problems we just stopped talking to eachother for almost a year. Then out of know where she called me up. It was like we hadnt skipped a beat. Our friendship picked up right where it had left off. We have even talked about getting a house together as room mates. The problem is, we both still have strong ties to our previous partners due to the children each of us had during the year we didnt see each other. My ex says she will take me back to court, and her ex says he will stabb me if we get a house together. I am not worried about either situation. I know she cant win in court, and he is all talk. At the same time who needs the added drama. On the other side of it Im not the type to let other people tell me how or who to live my life with. I am just looking for some input from some outside views. Please everything helps  Get a restraining order
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The bottom line is this...do what you wish, but if you decide a relationship is what you both want.... then don't let the drama ruin what you have. That kind of drama can place substantial amount of strain upon the relationship itself. As long as both of you, do not let it interfere and recognize it for what it is. you would be fine. That stated, are you sure she wants a relationship with you, as you stated a roommate situation??
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It sounds like you have a true connection with her. Talk to her more. Ask her what she wants. If she is willing to go through the drama of what could happen...then there really isn't anything to decide.
The only other aspect in all of this would be the children. How will they be affected? Will the 'drama' eventually fade before the kids get old enough to realize what is happening? Obviously if they are 'ex' relationships then they need to move on and realize you and your female friend have to also. Good luck with it. |
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Well, the threats she is receiving are enough for a restraining order. Your ex could take you back to court, but she will be incuring a lot of extra expenses just because she doesn't like you you plan to share a house with. Unless there is any legal reason this other woman could be seen as a threat to your child, the judge will pretty much say to stop wasting his time. Just based on what info you have given us so far.
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I cant say that I am, and to be quite honnest I dont know if I want one. I have seen relationships ruin great friendships. So I guess my plan is to see if something more developes on its own. I dont even know if that makes any since?
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I would be darn sure I clarified the relationship before moving in together. If it's roommates, that's one thing. But, if either or both of you think it may end up being more, you might want to think about that. Or, if only one of you wants it to be more, again, you need to think. What happens if you want more, she doesn't and brings home a new boyfriend? How would you feel? And, make sure the added and probably continual drama you will have is going to be worth the relationship. Neither of you have only yourselves to think about, you have kids. They don't need this kind of crap in their lives, either.
Whatever you do, make sure you think it through from all angles. |
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If you are to move in as "roommates" and there is some sexual tension that isn't a good idea. You two will wind up having sex. I fell in love with and married my best friend. It was a situation like yours minus the kids and drama. It was a very good marriage because we had the best communication of friendship. Good luck to you.
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I would be darn sure I clarified the relationship before moving in together. If it's roommates, that's one thing. But, if either or both of you think it may end up being more, you might want to think about that. Or, if only one of you wants it to be more, again, you need to think. What happens if you want more, she doesn't and brings home a new boyfriend? How would you feel? And, make sure the added and probably continual drama you will have is going to be worth the relationship. Neither of you have only yourselves to think about, you have kids. They don't need this kind of crap in their lives, either. Whatever you do, make sure you think it through from all angles. Believe me all of these questions are ones I have asked myself. The new boyfriend thing wouldnt bother me, she has been with someone else for the majority of the time I have known her. As far as I am concerned a restraining order is not an option for either of our ex's I couldnt be part of keeping a child from its parent. In regards to the drama, I dont think it is a good practice to let your ex choose who you are alowed to be around reguardless of what they threaten you with |
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go for it but not as roomates rather as bf/gf because you have such great chemistry with her and you will not find that in another person, and what is up with the ex's not letting go...move on!
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I would be darn sure I clarified the relationship before moving in together. If it's roommates, that's one thing. But, if either or both of you think it may end up being more, you might want to think about that. Or, if only one of you wants it to be more, again, you need to think. What happens if you want more, she doesn't and brings home a new boyfriend? How would you feel? And, make sure the added and probably continual drama you will have is going to be worth the relationship. Neither of you have only yourselves to think about, you have kids. They don't need this kind of crap in their lives, either. Whatever you do, make sure you think it through from all angles. Believe me all of these questions are ones I have asked myself. The new boyfriend thing wouldnt bother me, she has been with someone else for the majority of the time I have known her. As far as I am concerned a restraining order is not an option for either of our ex's I couldnt be part of keeping a child from its parent. In regards to the drama, I dont think it is a good practice to let your ex choose who you are alowed to be around reguardless of what they threaten you with No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was, and could have been clearer, is that kind of drama puts a huge strain on the relationship, especially a new one, which in turn will create more drama. It will take two very strong, dedicated people to withstand that kind of stress. And, you are dragging your kids into it. Which begs the question, would the drama be a temporary thing you can ride out or will it continue forever and ever amen? That WILL affect your kids and your relationships with them, however much you try to dismiss that. Again, is would the relationship be worth it? |
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I would also like to say that I have both of our kids best enterests in mind abouve all else
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I would be darn sure I clarified the relationship before moving in together. If it's roommates, that's one thing. But, if either or both of you think it may end up being more, you might want to think about that. Or, if only one of you wants it to be more, again, you need to think. What happens if you want more, she doesn't and brings home a new boyfriend? How would you feel? And, make sure the added and probably continual drama you will have is going to be worth the relationship. Neither of you have only yourselves to think about, you have kids. They don't need this kind of crap in their lives, either. Whatever you do, make sure you think it through from all angles. Believe me all of these questions are ones I have asked myself. The new boyfriend thing wouldnt bother me, she has been with someone else for the majority of the time I have known her. As far as I am concerned a restraining order is not an option for either of our ex's I couldnt be part of keeping a child from its parent. In regards to the drama, I dont think it is a good practice to let your ex choose who you are alowed to be around reguardless of what they threaten you with The only way I would be against nyone in my ex's life would be if they were bad for my children, as far as anything else he can do what the he!! he wants, LMAO!! But you seem like a man who wouldnt allow anything to happen to the kiddos, so screw her!! |
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With all due respect, sounds to me like you gotta figure out what YOU want first
 Once your straight, you can be true to your "core". Follow the path that "feels" right. Personally, I would continue the friendship. Iffn I'm doing nothing "wrong" how can legal threats affect me?
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Her ex will sulk for a while and move on. my ex on the other hand is strait crazy. I dont know if she will ever let go. I was her first so IF she does let go its going to take a long time.
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Well, just remember one thing, you chose to be with her for a reason so there must have been something good there at one time. If you can remember what that what, it might make it easier to deal with her in the future. Because, the thing is, like it or not, you're stuck with her for quite a long while. You made the decision to be with her and have a child with her so you're stuck with her. So, it's up to you (and hopefully eventually her) to forge at least a cordial relationship for the sake of your child. You don't have to be best buddies or even like each other but you DO have to be polite and find a way of working together to benefit your child.
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long story as short as i can... 2001 i met my neighbor we did everything together, wrap christmas presents to bbq's with our kids. i dont date neighbors..<owned own homes>. i was very attracted as was he. even went to company partys together. well on and off we were single spent most everyday together when <not> in relationships for maybe 2 yrs...well ended up he moved then i moved lost contact due to i had a steady bf for 5 yrs. so peeking into these dating sites i see him! he called me the next day after the email.. i needed a roommate and knew i could trust him and that we could get along.. by the time he moved in he was no longer a roommate.. afterall we werent neighbors anymore lol... well since u said that u had thoughts about this woman before sexualy...dont kid yourself cause you both arent in a relationship now... i can almost guarentee it will...
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