Two words "red flags"...simple enough, people rely to heavily on these rather stupid "flags" as if to be some sort of ridiculous penalty. One strike, down...no one gives second chances, then they "learn" from the mistake (comicly enough taking the same road anyway, just with someone who seems "different").

Date, go on one if it doesn't click...it won't work. Hell, talk to anyone on the phone for a good amount of time and you won't have to worry about a "red flag" surprise. What? There's always one you say? Well, yes and no...for every one there are 12 others.

I think the simple fact is that relationships take 2 people EACH giving 100% (or as close to it as they can come at any given moment) to make things work. Anything else is a fantasy...

Yeah... so I had my first Mingle date but I don't think he was really into me. He did not ask one thing about me, only talked about himself... Ohh well so what...sooo what... His loss...not mine...

Oh, and to add...expectations, this is another almight killer of a possible good time. As soon as someone is "expected" to act a certain way, talk a certain way, or all around just be a certain way that usually kills what could have been a good time. This goes hand in hand with the entire "learn" ****, they move on "learning" from the experience only to repeat the experience again and again with some of the same people.

Dating has become what it always tried to stay away from, a commitment outside of fun. And the circle keeps going well, at least with a few anyway.

Oh, oh! And then you have friends! By God's own strike of vengence these people can kill any and all possibility, usually by some sort of selfish concern like "he/she didn't talk to me" or some babble, babble bull****.

Okay, I'm done.

Aye. There's the rub. Hence I also agree with fearandloathing, to some degree expectations are the root of trouble...

Agreed. See. But those "red" flags are often "false" flags. We used to give people enough time to show all their sides to us. We no longer do that, really. As you said, because of our internal expecations, whether consciously acknowledged or not...

OMG, F&L! You and I agree 100% on this! Expectations are the kiss of death! Took me half a life to realize I can't fix anyone (including myself most of the time!) so expectations are inappropriate and unreasonable...

You like someone or you don't and you accept their differences/foibles or you don't. It's just that simple.

Internet,online dating

I basically said about the same thing in an earlier post on respect. And the cycle continues...

http://mingle2.com/topic/show/198712?page=2

That just expanded the playing field...
rules of the game are still the same! LOL!

Happy to see this subject come about???

Didn't see it, otherwise I would have quoted you. Usually I just read the initial question and answer accordingly.

No worries my friend; not something I said here-- I just added the link about two seconds ago. You couldn't have seen it there...miscommunication. Ah. Another challenge we can talk about here...

Yea, just noticed the link...I read too quickly.

technology has ruined the world as it was. tech was supposed to make things easier because of making things readily available. instead it's made things more difficult because people can be more choosy and can research ahead of time.
the computer, with memory storage and email, was supposed to cut down on the amount of paper we use. instead our paper usage has gone up because everyone wants a copy of things where before only those who needed a copy got a copy. this is just an example.
i'm not saying that the computer is the reason, but it's one of the tools of technology.
another is the television. people used to go out and mingle and work outside and partake in social activities. now many sit at home and watch t.v. and watch other people live instead of doing so themselves.
technology has made us fatter and lazier and slightly more informed. and that's what's changed to make things more difficult.



. . .

I disagree slightly. Here's an excerpt from an earlier post I wrote. I wonder if you agree with some points...

...It's easy to date if all you want in life are presents and the occasional compliment. If all you care about is physical attraction and you're satisfied with that alone, then sure, it's going to be pretty easy for a month or so at a time. But if you're smart enough to recognize that isn't really enough to support an enduring relationship, then this kind of front-loaded approach to dating takes a lot of work in the initial stages. It's easier to assume, to walk away, than it is to really get to know someone else.

The challenges, the difficulties-- those are the moments in any relationship that really answer questions of integrity and illuminate who a person is; but hey, who wants to stick around to get answers when you can just jump to the next person in line and start the cycle all over again? It just wouldn't happen this way in the real world. It's just not the same as getting to know someone you met through a mutual friend-- because at least in that situation there is some underlying baseline of common values-- the friend. The whole thing just seems to be so contrived, shallow, and artificial.

Unless two people are truly committed to acknowledging and tackling the challenges imposed upon a relationship by the situation-- by the mechanism-- then really and truly this does not work. Inherent in the operational nature of online dating are serious obstacles that can and will interfere with the establishment of respect if you fail to recognize them, or, if you let them go unaddressed.

Glad we agree on that point.

Maybe it's fear,an yes the playing fields are the same.
But as we grow older,an we become more set in are own ways,it does become harder,but we know this...So what are we suppose to do...

When a person has the field to play in???An i not talking about all?

Some like to play! A picker field.
Myself i'm not like that,i want to know the person!

Men<<<Not all>>To many to pick from,an maybe the same goes for women?

I don't know...I don't check women out<<<not what i'm looking for!

I hope i have explained this right???
I'm sure you will let me know!

Same here -- but in my experience, that doesn't matter.

They don't show anything of their true natures until a few months into the relationship -- as if they have to get past the preliminaries, the probationary period at the beginning, before the real agenda begins to be revealed.