Ok this is getting silly...

and btw I was born with silver spoon in mouth.. so sorry if I question things a little differently..

I think I know where you're coming from 'girl'.
I too want the whole SHABANG!!
Lots of Money is not the issue here but I think the want or expectation to do better with one's life. Am I right?! You think he could aspire to something more?!

If he dosn't have a job, why not?
I won't personally date someone that won't work.

If I might offer another perspective....

It's possible Ella is looking for a man with some stability and security, a man who is independent and would not be reliant on her. A man who is passionate about his career and feels fulfilled by it at the end of the day.

Right now with how bad the economy is finding a job is difficult. There are a lot of good people out of work, and not by their choosing. If you really care for this guy, then talk with him, find out if he has aspirations to better his work future. If you feel that he is where he is going to be 10 years from now and has no desire or motivation to do better than do what you have to do to be true to yourself, and your wants. It will save a lot of grief for both of you in the long run.

OK TeeHeeHee and Lilth are getting closer to it..

Yes.. he could do better with what he has and who he is..
Will he ever is the question..
I don't want to be relied on by a man.. I don't want to rely on a man either.. and I don't have to.. but still..
Security and stability are great things to have and not worry about.

I WAS just being silly ELLA. teeheehee

If a guy doesn't have a job or one that is sustaining then I too will question a future with him. I'm not looking for a caretaker or 'wallet' but an equal who can be counted on to 'pay' his fair share of the cost of living.

Like I just mentioned above too, I have aspirations and goals and desires and I personally could not be with a guy who didn't have any of his own.

This sounds like a situation that needs a pro con list....

He does have a job.. and has been doing this for 4 years now or so... he likes it.. a lot.. he makes around 40g's it is okay for now.. but it isn't like a stable and promising job.. does that make sense? The turn over for his position is high and the littlest thing can get you fired/let go

It not only the money either though.. don't want people thinking its all about the money.. ha ha

What's the real deal here? spill it....

Good idea Lilith!
Get the pen and paper ready and hop to it!! hehehehe


While you're at it you might just want to rethink what it is you're thinking of getting yourself into here. Sounds like ya' wanna make some changes in him and you know you're gonna get resistance.

Why not sit down and talk with him about where his future is going? Stability is important when your looking at a future together. Right now very few jobs are secure.

Wow....your judging a relationship with someone who is everything but could potentially lose his job??? Could you possibly lose your job???? What if the guy was thinking these same thoughts about you???

Me thinks you're NOT getting the whole SHABANG then.
If there are doubts then it might be time to pull out!


The BAGS got a point too.

I had a fried of mine tell me last year, when I complained about the lack of men with substance around here, to realize what I was bringing to the table and if I offered the same as I was expecting.

It shut me up real quick and I realized that I was so unstable so how was I gonna find a man who was.

Actually doing the list of pros and cons is a great idea..

You can't change a man.. and I don't want to change him.. but I do think I want him to make some changes.. for himself and all.. make sense? He deserves more and all that jazz

Ok I will be honest.. Maybe I amjust looking hard for something to bother me about him so then I wont get too involved and end up picking up pieces of my mind and heart later?

Ella, you might, sure.

You might also be wondering because you might not respect his ideals. Respect is a foundational thing. Do you feel he is your peer?

A simple question turns into a therapy session for little miss ella I see..





I think I am scared to like someone or be involved with someone that isn't at par with where society sees my family and what not.. I know I am not being all clear cut because I don't want to come off as spoiled or stuck up and all..

At times I feel maybe my background and status is a "turn on" to him then again he has been one of the realest and decent men about it too.. and makes me feel comfortbale and all.. get along with the fam and me with his... though his parents have commented on things... freak man..

lilith you have me all thinking hard now.. ha ha... grr

So, you're not a simple person...kind of high maintenance

Please tell me what you know about me that makes me high maintenance...