I don't know how to make
These thoughts into words,
Let alone anything that
Would make sense
To the human race.

I don't know how to
Make anyone understand
What I'm feeling.
I don't even know what I'm
Supposed to be feeling anymore.

I've watched too many people
Come and go throughout my life
That a part of me has become numb
While the other part will not
Accept anybody's goodbye.

If you lose your virginity
Is it expected that you
Provide sex to anyone
Who comes along?

I don't know how to say no
To anyone anymore,
Nor do I see a point
In arguing about it.

It's just sex, isn't it?
It doesn't have to mean
That you love someone, does it?
Isn't it just about pleasure?
Or is it supposed to be
Something sacred, something cherished?
Have I indeed become a whore?

Why is it that I'm surrounded
By so many men who want me
But I come home feeling so empty?
I feel like crying, like crawling
Into a cave and disappearing.
What the hell is wrong with me?

Why is the ache back in my wrist?
Why does that razor tempt me again?
Why does sex seem so fake?
And why do I want to cry
When someone tells me I'm beautiful?

I don't want to be pretty.
I don't want anyone to want me.
I never wanted to feel this alone.
I never thought I'd be wanted like this,
But I never wanted to be wanted like this.
I just wanted to be loved.
I just want to be loved.

I'm so alone.
I can't even love myself.

not sure how to reply to this except to hope that it is just a write

I wish it were just a write....

It breaks my heart to read this, such pain within.
May I offer up a {{{Hug}}} and tell you no matter
what Hell you are going through- you are not alone.

deep write, well written

Sadness fills my spirit,,
I also extend my arms and warm thoughts
If you need someone to talk to or
just a moment of venting,, please
know that were all here for you

Love & Blessings
Mom

I hope that you know, you do have choices. Sometimes we find the choice is to not expect ice cream, be glad for the cake! I also was hoping this was just a write. My thoughts are with you to hope that you will find peace and happiness in this world! There is a lot, but I know the bad tries to drown it out. Please let someone know if there is something we could do, like listen!!!

thank you to all who replied: 2cool4school , LAMom , d4tc , and MsTeddyBear2u . I am going through a rough spot right now. I was actually thinking of leaving this site, but instead I'm going to edit my profile and stay here in case I need to write/vent some more. Thank you for the encouragement and love. There are some things I just need to sort out on my own, but thank you all for caring.