This here is a place for all us vets, active duty, an military families to gather an shoot the proverbial poop with one another. Share jokes, share "war" stories, give advice, ask for advice, etc, etc.





An Old Sergeant Major was attending an ROTC party at the local college. He wasn't saying much...just sort of watching. He was approached by a very lovely female and she engaged him in a conversation. This conversation went about twenty minutes and then she asked" "Sergeant Major...when was the last time you had sex?" He looked at her and said: "Ninteen fifty!" She responded. "My goodness! You haven't had sex in a long time. Would you like to come to my apartment and have some?" The Sergeant Major agreed and they went off to her apartment where they had two hours of incredible sex! When they were through she said: "For someone who hasn't had sex since nineteen fifty...you still have the knack and you are incredible!" the Sergeant Major looked at is watch and said: "Yeah...and it's only twenty two thirty now!"

woohooo

This here one is for Wolf



ARMY-Aint Really Marines Yet

The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.

At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).

The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.

The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".

Good one Fran!

love jokes

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is sh.it."

An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched 18 miles, and says with a smile, "This is good sh.it!"

A Navy Seal lies in the mud, 55 lb pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy positions, says with a grin, "This really is great sh.it."

A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude, into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to the shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this sh.it!"

An Air Force officer sits in an easy chair in his air conditioned, carpeted BOQ room and says, "The cable's out? What kind of sh.it is this?"

Hilarious!

OMG!! I'm freakin laughin so hard I'm sheddin tears on that last one Fran!!!

What Time Is It?


On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building". The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

A Marine At The Barbershop

A Marine enters a barber shop for a haircut and a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, the Marine mentions that he always has problems getting a close shave around the cheeks, that it looks sloppy and distracts from his appearance.

"I have just the thing", says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just get a wooden ball like this and place it between your cheek and gum". "Here, let me show you how well it works".

The Marine places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds to give him the closest shave the Marine has ever experienced. After a few more strokes the Marine starts thinking about the ball in his mouth. So he asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?

"No problem", says the barber, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everone else does."

GRUNT = Ground Replacement Usually Not Trained

In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army. "But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend. The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell?"

Technically, women still can't serve in combat positions

Three generals were sitting in a conference room and discussing the aspects of work and pleasure in sex. The first general said: "I think it's about fifty fifty. Fifty percent work...fifty percent pleasure!" The second general said: "No...I think its more like forty sixty. Forty percent work and sixty percent pleasure!" The third general said: "You guys are wrong! It's a twenty eighty thing! Twenty percent work and eighty percent pleasure!" Needless to say they couldn't agree!

Just about that time a private entered the room pushing a tray of coffee and doughnuts. One of the generals asked the private: "Private...we are discussing the amounts of work and pleasure in sex and we can't agree on any of them. As a Private...what is your opinion on this. What is the percentage of work and pleasure in sex?"

The private thought for a moment, then said: "Well general...sex has to be all pleasure!" The general asked: "Why do you say that, private?"

The private answered: "Well, sir...if there was any work in sex.....you'd be having me doing it!"