Knowing

I knew from before that first
touch from deep inside,
that loving would mean,
to open my grasp, willingly.
It would take all the strength
I felt I had,
all the strength, I thought
and every bit of any imagined
to let my heart open my arms.
Sleeping always with one eye open,
that one hidden
in the tangle of my hair
in the back of my head, trying
to appear as though I had allowed
them to step out into this world
on their own,
I watched as they toddled away,
with their slighted, turn back,
just teasing my hope to grab
them before they got too far
from my heart strings.
Now, with intentions all their own,
arms still open, flailing, in the
bending breezes of their time,
I wave, draw a breath in, shallow
with age and fill this cup
and drink in a new joy.

Raine Les 10/20/2009