Ruth, the part neither of you are accepting is "responsibilities for one's own actions".. If you were to yell racial slurs in a neighborhood of the race you're slurring and they beat you to a pulp and/or killed you, they would be put on trial b/c they should have/could have controlled themselves.. We are each responsible for our actions/reactions no matter what another says or does...

Yes, I completely agree and that's exactly what I said.

Okay, dragging this specifically from my other topic, as it has always fascinated me.

I was taught that No means No! Period. No if, ands or buts about it. It was ingrained so much that even with fantasy games, "no" is not used, unless it was truly meant to be stopped. Find another word for the game.

I've had guy friends get pissed off because their girlfriends would use it jokingly. And then eventually the gals would get serious, but the guys didn't know the difference, and would get in trouble. One friend even had rape charges brought about, though they were later dropped.

I can understand their confusion. And I do agree that it was a crappy way of dealing with things.

But guys, there's a way to handle this. It's a basic retraining method along the lines of dog obedience. When she says "No", stop. Get up, walk away. You may not like it, and she may be confused, but it's saving your arse. When she asks, tell her point blank. "Don't use that word unless you are deadly serious and mean it". If it's part of a game, find a different word. Back off when she says it enough times, and she'll stop saying it.

No one said it will be easy, especially if you are both hot and horny, but isn't that prefereable to a rape charge?

I guess I didn't read it throughly enough..

I may not be phrasing it clearly enough. Written communication can be so difficult.

No worries I'll still marry ya...

I know I'm gonna get in trouble for this but I have a tendncy to agree with CatsLoveMe.

I am not saying it is okay under any circumstance for a man or woman to sexually assault another person. And anyone who does should be arrested and prosecuted without the victim's attire even coming up in court.

Outside of the criminal matter, however, it does matter what a woman wears. There is a law in most states that says you are guilty of a crime if you if you knowingly behave or speak in a way likely to cause a fight or brawl. In other words, if I go into a primarily black neighborhood and starting yelling racial slurs at people I am engaging in a behavior which is likely to get my *** kicked. When I do get my *** kicked by a group of blacks, should they get in trouble even though I was calling them names and provoking them? Absolutely. They have to be able to control themselves.

But I certainly put myself in a bad situation by doing that.

Yelling racial slurs is different than wearing a low-cut shirt. Sure, yelling racial slurs at someone can get you in trouble. It can be expected. However, wearing a low-cut shirt does not mean men have the right to do what they want or even assume the woman wants to have sex with them. Men need to be responsible for their own actions and cannot assume that just because a woman is showing some skin that she wants to have sex with everyone. They need to be able to control themselves.

I asked earlier what he thought was showing too much skin, but he didn't answer. That question really is for anyone who agrees with him. What's acceptable? What's too much?

I have a friend that is a girl. Sometimes some of the guys would play around with her and she would say stop and some of the guys didn't get the hint. Now I don't know who, where or when this happened at that time to her, but we had a talk one day. I started asking her questions.

Like, do they hear you when you say stop or no.

Do you laugh when you say stop or no.

Are you serious or playing.


Well one day latter down the line. I was at a friends house and a couple of her friends were there playing with her, rough housing. She was asking them to stop, but the thing was. She would say it to where no one could really hear her, and she would be laughing like a little girl. So i'm looking at her and i'm even having kind of a hard time, but I realized after a bit. She was being serious and when they stoped she got all mad and went outside.


I went out there to talk to her and explained to her, that you need to speak up and be more agressive in saying it. That's because most guys don't pay attention to it and think she is just playing. So I went in and explaind to her friends. Well the guys. You guys need to learn how to leasten and hear what someone is saying.

So like the OP said, if you hear it enough times in that moment. Stop

Hello, I'm back. Okay, ready? "What is showing to much skin?" Why even ask that? You should know. You'd like me to say dressed like S***, wouldn't you? But no, because you already know the answer to your question. I won't be sexist here, I see the trap and I'm walking around it. You somehow believe that all men can control their actions, I'm sure you realize that's not true, many can, many cannot. Add alcohol and/or drugs to this scenario, and control quickly diminishes. Both genders should be responsible for their behaviors, but look at all the stupid people out there that can't contain their urges. "Hit-on" is far different than "assault" as someone mentioned earlier. There are people that dress a certain way, and then they wonder why they get approached and hit-on so much. For some, maybe they like the attention, for others, maybe they want to be left alone, and they are only at the bar/club for socializing, dancing, whatever. Some people will come on stronger than others and won't be so easy to get rid of, despite how many times one may say "no." They look at it as challenge and will make every effort to persuade them and change their mind. Sorry this has become an argument instead of a discussion, but I hope my rebuttal clarifies a little of what I was trying to say.

Still, the way a woman dresses does not give men an excuse not to take no for an answer. It's as simple as that.

Rape is wrong! Bottom line. Rape is wrong....

No one said it did.

Cats seemed to imply it. More than once.

No is No its not YES its No not hard to figure Anna x