I just realized .. all of you would be third party view points since none of you have an interest in either my roommate or mine's wants. (Colin might, but he didn't answer his phone yesterday when I wanted to talk to him about this..)

Anyways, I've been living with my friend for the past year.
Over the past year, there have been some good times (the parties we've had) but there have also been some bad times. She works 3rd shift while I work a 9-5 job, so I'm always alone during the day. We both don't work weekends. Most of the time, she is in her room with the door shut with her boyfriend and I'm still alone.

Three weeks ago, I brought a guy I liked back to the apartment. Him and his friend wanted to drink so they drank here and this guy I like ended up passing out because he was so drunk and spending the night. My roommate brought home her friends the next morning (I don't know if I can really consider them my friends anymore) and he ended up liking them more than me. I got pretty mad about this, so I'm pretty sure I sent this in an email that the one guy's (he's gay) sole purpose in life is to turn straight guys gay. That none of them are really my friends. And that I wish I had enough money to live on my own. (But who doesn't, right?)

Anyways, they went on my computer last weekend. (They do it all the time, I don't have a problem with it) But they found that email and decided to retaliate. They put a facebook status up on my account (my passwords are all the same and my roommate knows it) saying I've decided to come out to everyone that I'm a lesbian. Also, they put a craigslist ad up saying "Looking to fuuck. Call me. ..my number.. The password is zebra." So for the past week, I've been getting random phone calls and text messages.

So I've been pretty much avoiding my roommate this past week and I was planning on moving out today, actually. Yesterday we had to meet with the landlord about this (She was going to get someone else to move in, but neither one of them have credit so they wouldn't be approved to live here). So before we go, Amanda (my roommate, first time she's talked to me for a week) apologizes and asks if I really want to do this. Well, I really wanted to do it all week. But now I'm second guessing myself. Do I really want to move back with my parents? Do I really want to give up this freedom? So I told them I won't move out tomorrow but I have to think about it.

Now 3/4 of my stuff is already at my parent's house. I drove there to get the basics so I at least have them for the week. I've been doing nothing but thinking. Should I stay? Is it going to get better? Or will it be the same? Can I really live here for another year in isolation like last year? Is the freedom I'm giving up worth it?

I NEED YOUR OPINIONS.

Well, now that you know how mean she can be, and snoopy, when she gets mad...ask yourself can you handle something like that happening again? Because it more than likely will. Stay but save for a deposit to go somewhere else. Don't tell her and change all your passwords.
JMHO

All relationships should be built on trust, otherwise they won't work out. If you don't trust someone you're sharing living quarters with, it's not a safe situation, both physically and mentally. You said she apologized for what she did, did she seem sincerely sorry? Is this the first time she's done something like this? Do you think you can trust her again?

I'm not sure of the depth of your friendship because you don't mention a past history besides moving in together, so I'm unsure how long you've known her. Anyway, if you feel her apology was sincere and you can trust her again, you can work on rebuilding your friendship, but only if you want to. Don't feel pressured into it because you feel guilty or obligated or anything.

Or you could decide to just be roommates and have a business arrangement, with a "civilized roommate relationship." Sort of like living in a dorm, if you will. Or you could move back in with your parents. However, it doesn't sound like that's what you want to do. It sounds like you really enjoy living on your own, so you'd be spiting yourself by doing that. So.....here is my advice, sit down and talk to your friend, explain to her that what she did really hurt you and embarrassed you. However, you like living there and you'd like to stay. If you're willing to be friends again, tell her that what happened can never happen again, or anything like it, and if it does, your friendship is over. Give her a probationary period maybe, like 6 months or something (I'm just throwing out a number here) for you and her to rebuild the trust you had. If at the end of that time, you still feel you can't trust her, the friendship is over. You either remain "civil roommates" or you part ways, based on what you can afford/want to do at the time.

Like I said, I don't have too much background information on your personal history with this person, so I can't make too much of a judgment call. Basically what it comes down to is what you want- do you value her friendship? Are you willing to work on being friends again? Can you stand being possibly uncomfortable and more than likely restricted in your parents house again if you decide to move back in?

Also, if you do decide to stay, like Shasta said, change all your passwords, don't give them out. Put a password on your computer so no one can log in but you. And stop letting other people use your computer, not just because of what happened, but because you're responsible if they do something stupid like visit unsafe sites, or use your screen name for immoral activities. Also you can get viruses if they visit sites that have them, ie. porn. No one uses my computer but me, it's my baby, and I'm very protective of it.

I am very, very sorry that this happened to you. I don't know you very well, but you seem like a very sweet person from what I've seen of your posts. I wish you well and I hope you're able to resolve this in a way that makes you comfortable. You can email me if you still want to talk.

Thanks Shasta and Calleigh.

We've known each other since at LEAST 5th grade (that's as far back as my memory goes). She sounded sincere to me, but my sister and my best friend said she probably just sounded that way so she wouldn't be kicked out of the apartment. (If I leave, she has to leave unless she can find someone with a credit score like mine and who makes enough money).

I do like living on my own. I just don't like how lonely it is. I don't like how they exclude me from things. Or how they shut themselves off in her bedroom. Or how I'll buy Chris (her boyfriend .. he basically lives here) dinner if I'm getting myself dinner but yet they won't make me anything when they cook something.

The list can just go on and on what I don't like about living here. I really can only think of one pro, which is the freedom. Not having to tell anybody where I'm going or when I'll be back. How I can stay out to all hours in the evening. How I can even bring a guy back here. (It's only happened once .. but I'm still hopeful!) I can save myself so much money by moving out and into my parents' house. Rent alone is about $5,000 a year per roommate.

As for if this is the first time; yes and no. It's the first time they've gone on craigslist and put an ad up for me. Laurie (Amanda's friend) put my number up in a laundry mat about a month ago. Matt (the gay guy) told the last guy I had relations with that he better get checked.

I'm giving it a week; if things seem like they've changed (And so far they haven't) then I'll stay. If not, I'll move out. And I have changed all of my passwords, even the one to log onto my computer. For the past week I've been hiding my laptop in my pillow case when I've been gone.

You're welcome.

Good deal, you know what you have to do in order to be happy. Sorry she turned out to be, for want of a better word, a b!tch. If she's not willing or able to change, all you can do is walk away. She's the one missing out on a lot of good things, from the sounds of it.

Also, if you make enough money and have good credit, maybe you can see about getting another roommate in the future? Maybe not right now, since it would be a process, but after you've been back home a while and you're ready to try again. Surely the next one won't be like that.

I doubt I'll be getting a roommate ever again. Haha.
Unless it's a guy. And I'm serious about him. Otherwise I'll end up probably killing him.

I hear you. I was talking to someone about that today, I think I'm too hard to deal with to be successful at living with someone.

I don't think I'm THAT hard to live with.
I'll put up with pretty much anything (to a certain point before I get pissed off for a few hours).
I wash the dishes, I'll clean the apartment. I can't cook, but I can microwave!

I'm a great time when I'm drunk....
When I came home last night, the roommate and her boyfriend were in the living room watching television and I was dancing and was like "Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots".
With my pants unbuttoned because I didn't want to button them up after peeing.

Eh, you're still young, wait 'til you're an old lady like me and we'll see how easy going you are......

So, I was going to email you .. but I don't meet your restrictions.

I'm 21 and you have to be 22!

Oh hell, I'm sorry. I just changed it. That's weird I thought if you were on my friends list you could get through them. Email away!

Oh, I didn't actually try.
I just saw there were restrictions so I figured I'd wait to catch up with you on here.

Alright, email coming!

Ah okay. Well, I changed it anyway. Makes me look unfriendly to have it like that on you're on my list.

I'm special enough to be your friend but not special enough to be able to email you!

Actually I forgot I had the filters on. I did it to keep really young guys from emailing me. I'm not a big fan of talking to 18 year olds....

Ashley_Renee.....

Ummm...what have you learnt from your 'year of independence'?


I heard isolated, lonely, and unsure.....

Is that what independence means to you?

Sorry, I know you are young, but what I am hearing is codependence....either 'woman-up'...suck it up, and create YOUR life for YOU...or go home...Mum and Dad are at the least, consistent..and safe.


I have a daughter the same age as you, and she is in a similar place emotionally...to where you sound....I'm a tough lovin' mumma cat, my girl just got shunted back out of the nest into the 'big smoke'...to grow her wings and learn to fly solo...irrespective of loneliness etc etc....

Do you know what loneliness is?

It's believing you are lacking...missing out...without.

Only you decide what you are....if you want to be lonely, you will be...learn to fuel your own fire....not be dependent on others to do it for you.

Oh come on, eighteen year olds are a big bowl of fun times, haha.

I admit they can be cute to look at it, but I could be their mommy....I can hear it now.....MOMMMY!!!!!!I'd die....

Jess,

I never said I had a problem with co-dependency. What I have a problem with is being excluded when all of "our friends" are hanging out and/or going somewhere. I have a problem with her and her boyfriend treating my mom like she's not welcome every time she comes over. I have a problem with feeling like I can't invite anybody over without getting **** from her when her free loader of a boyfriend is here every day.

Independence, to me, means not having to rely on anybody to support yourself. Financially, I can't do that. So if it means I have to be co-dependent for the time being, then so be it.

Thank you for sharing your opinion, though. I appreciate hearing from all who are willing to share.

Isn't that some women's fantasies? Being called mommy by some young hot stud?