When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes
about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...
yadda, yadda, yadda



And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I
was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it
and how easy they've got it!



But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around
and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a Utopia!



And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!



I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card
catalog!!




There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox,
and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!



Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of
fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ***! Nowhere
was safe!



There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you
had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!



Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players!
We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when
finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey,
that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?



We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone



and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!



There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just
didn't make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with
your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with
someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have
no idea how annoying you are.



And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea
who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your
drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it
up and take your chances, mister!



We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution
3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and
'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your
imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one
screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder
and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!



You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were
screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your a$$ and walk
over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world
coming to?!?!



There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you
spoiled little rat-finks!



And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use
the stove! Imagine that!



And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no
electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were
doing chores!



And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If
you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if
she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your
fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!



See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1980 or any time before!