All I can say is, show them how much you love them and just do the best that you can. It can be a sad situation..your story sounds so much like mine!! What makes me sad is that I had the best Dad and I always try to repair my son's relationship with his father. My Dad just passed away less then 2 years ago..so I don't want my son to have any regrets as far as not wanting to be near his Dad and spend time with him.
I guess what we have to remember is that not everyone can have a perfect relationship with their parent like we did!! Here are some flowers for my Dad...RIP Dad and I miss you very much

What makes it even worse with an absent parent is when they still live in the same house. It makes it really hard on the kids. My wife of ten years became very distant and I was left to raise two children basically on my own for what seemed like forever. The oldest boy has now gone to live with his biodad, my wife has now left while I remain with my youngest son.

You try to give the world to someone over and over again only to have her throw it back in your face and abandon you and your children. It's a tough deal.

i agree with u but this one has seen they dont want a thing to do with him have had all kinds of chances and now is a young man and i let him make up his own mind on some thing's

i know sevarl n ur situation and have all done a great job to all of u

I had two children. One I gave birth to and one I adopted with the same father. He never really got into the Daddy stuff refuseing to provide childcare even when I worked to support the family. He even at times actively disrupted my efforts to be a good mother toward the end becoming more involved in alcohol, pot, and running with the worst of his friends and family. Behavior that got much worse after the divorce.

Finally after several attempts to allow normal visitat ions and minor injuries to both sons includeing suicide attempts and assaults on me, by him in their prescence I packed up and took a job halfway across the country to distance the kids from his drunken often abusive tantrums. Tantrums that were well documented by police, and Family Servies Agencies, even his own family.

He paid almost nothing for child support and actually payed more for his own rights/responsibilities to be set aside as a father. At that point I cease to consider him their father and let their step father adopt them as they both said they wanted.

He was there for no major events in either of the boys lives, includeing hospitaizations or joyous events like graduations or holidays, even though he was consistently invited to be before and after they were adopted by my late husband. The death of their step father in their teens did not even motivate him to step up and be any emotional of financial support.

Luckily my sons were well loved, provided for, and educated all of their minor years. Neither of us said much if anything about their biological father while they were young and neither encouraged or discouraged their efforts to have contact and draw their own conclusions.

HOWEVER as adults my sons did go around thier biological father, and his other children, and he now sometimes visits them in their home as a Grandfather of sorts. Something that their wives have encouraged which I find amazeing since both reported that he seems disinterested in them more or less except to say he wanted to have meals and if they allowed it beer in family settings. I do not know if he provides them resources but neither of the sons were in "need" of support. I never saw it necessary to blame him for not being able to provide for my children. Fortuneately while my self care was sparse their needs were consistently met and they had rather nice childhoods.

I personally see this as a terrible dishonor to myself and their adoptive family since never was it necessary for him to neglect his children and leave them to be the total responsibility of others but I do understand the curiosity that any child has about birth parents and try to accept it no matter how painful it is. Sometimes you have to be a parent before you are a person.

I still talk daily with my kids who are now adults. They love coming over. I don't trash talk their mom and I wished she'd reciprocate. My kids have not visited her in two years as they are fed up.
My dad left when I was 5 years old and he showed up 1 or 2 times a year....drunk!
He disappeared off the face of the earth then showed up last year. He died one month later...
I still love him because he was my father, I loved my Mom much more!

While I talk about the facts long after my kids are grown and flown I did not see making their family time with me or their step dad miserable by recounting the sins of a biological father that was absent. I wasn't responsible for his behavior and saw no reason to account for it. My kids rarely asked but then they did not over hear conversations about it to generate many questions. I would generally give breif answers to specific questions and at times speak of the general family in respectful compliments since his parents always treated me well.

They had pictures of their birthfather in their rooms from when they were infants but he never provided anything further. I gave them directly the one letter he wrote without opening it. His second wife sent a couple of cards where she made it clear he had a new family the kids were no longer interested in mail. The rare times they talked on the phone to him were unobserved and went undiscussed. Usually the second wife did the calling and they hung up on her because they had been taught not to talk to strangers or people who used nasty language. When she complained to Ex's Grandmother she filed a restraining order on her and the court made it clear if she did not want to loose her children she best not cause problems to the family. I think they divorced shortly after.

It was more than enough to enjoy teaching them about the good things in the world without rubbing their noses in the sadness. Sure I talked about the importance of sticking with things and being responsible and did my best to set a good example but did not feel it was ever necessary to blame our financial matters or whatever on anyone but myself. I am not big on passing the buck. I don't see where people get much satifaction or vindication from doing so.

One thing about living in a military community not being around extened family and having and absent or deceased parent was not that uncommon. Your family was the unit.

Even as an adult talking to in-laws I did not see a need to air dirty laundry specifics and jaundice their relationship. I accepted the responsibility of warning that he could be violent and irresponsible when he drank. But only when they ask me for specifics. I felt I owed it to my Grandchildren's saftey.

If I were to be in my Ex's presence I would extend him the same hospitality as any other distant family member.

From what my son has told me he has spoken kindly about my role as mother and basiclly stated the facts as I did.

You are right. Cutting your nose off to spite your face hurts your kids more than even yourself.

What heart-breaking stories... it's so hard for me to fathom why people would do this to their own children.

But then I remember, my daughter was basically taken away from me (my ex took her and disappeared) when she was only 2 years old and I didn't see her again for some 15 years when she finally sought me out. She was told I abandoned her, rather than what really happened. I guess the only point that I'm trying to make here is that sometimes abandonment isn't what it appears to be. I should be clear here, though, in saying that I don't in any way think that is the case with any of the stories here.

Amazingly enough, she and I get along very well now, and her mother has actually apologized for doing what she did.

My son's dad doesn't have a whole lot to do with him(we were 17) and my son and I just don't talk about it unless he says something about it. I never bring it up. We do alot of stuff together and he goes with my daughter once in a while to her dad's house and he is a very happy kid and loves his life. So i really have no reason to complain as long as i keep my kids happy then that's all that matters to me.