This is a problem I've been having my whole life. Women tend to just brush me off because of my appearance and even when I do have the opportunity to show them what kind of person I am on the inside, they still won't let it go beyond a simple friendship just because I'm heavy.

Yet I still cringe whenever I see a woman with a guy who (and the worst part is, these guys do it in public where everyone can see) treats them like absolute crap; yelling at them, ordering them around, insulting them. It hurts me so badly to think that women would rather be with a guy who looks good and is in good shape than be with a guy like me who isn't the easiest on the eyes but who would cherish and respect them.

Am I completely wrong about this or is the world really that messed up and I just have to deal with it?

Would you date a woman thats the same size as you?

My first and only girlfriend was actually a girl bigger than me, and I thought she was gorgeous. So to answer your question, yes. It has to go both ways.

Cool man...wasnt trying to bust your balls. There are just a lot of one way type of people out there. Good luck in your search.

No, I'm actually glad you mentioned it so that people don't get the wrong idea; I'm not a hypocrite and it's actually hypocrisy I'm trying to figure out by making this topic. I mean, are people happy being miserable just so they can have an impressive piece of arm candy to show off to their friends, or is there more to it than that?

There are women who go past initial looks, believe me. I have dated men bigger and smaller, taller and shorter, made more money and made less money.

Just be yourself and you will find someone. It's a tough crowd out there (the real world).

Sad to say...but to some people, its all about public perception. Some people are more worried about what others think of them than what makes them happy.

They're doing a very good job of hiding.

But I wonder, is there a way to penetrate the Hollywood-induced hypnosis of all the people out there who are that shallow or are they just lost causes?

This is probably the most important thing anyone here will tell you...

Women do not pass you by simply because you are heavy.

They pass you by because your lack of confidence in who you ARE comes through in your body language and a attitude.

Stop with the whiny bullshite and man up. Walk with a straight spine and a confident step.

Once you learn to do that....women will start to see you differently because YOU see YOURSELF differently.

Listen to that advice as it is your golden ticket.

Thanks.

To the OP.

I, like Mayhem, am not just trying to bust your balls.

I am a relatively heavy dude myself. For the longest time, I hated it.

But, after a while, I realized that my weight has nothing at all to do with who I AM.

I still had trouble getting dates, but that was more my own doing than anything else.

The point is, I became confident in MYSELF and didn't ALLOW my weight to be an issue or an excuse.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you should probably stop with the " cherish and respect her " stuff on the forums.

Believe me. You don't NEED to say that stuff because any woman with any sense at all will be able to SEE it for herself if she takes the time.

What that kind of thing screams is " nice guy ". Women DO want a " nice guy " but first and foremost, they want someone with a SPINE. They want someone who will stand up for themselves. They DON'T want the " nice guy " that allows her to treat him any ole way she wants and always says " Yes dear " or " Whatever you want dear ". You do not have to bend over backwards for a woman to know you respect her. All you are doing when you do that is showing that you are weak.

I have never met a woman who wanted a relationship with a doormat.

Problem is, people always treat me like crap because of it, so trying to see myself differently is a foreign concept. Any suggestions?

Dude..it takes work. You have to be willing to PUT IN that work.

People treated you like crap??? Welcome to the club. I was verbally and physically abused the entire time I was a child.

It took me a LONG time and a LOT of work to get past that crap and realize that I am worth FAR more than the people who told me I was worthless.

The thing is....until you CAN do that, you are, in no way shape or form, READY to be in a relationship because you are still carrying around a load of bullshite.

My suggestion....every morning..and I mean EVERY morning...get out of bed and look at yourself in the mirror.

Repeat this phrase....

My weight does not DEFINE me. I am better than those who tried to tell me otherwise.

Take several deep breaths and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

You will be starting the day off in a much better frame of mind and it WILL show.

Al, I am certainly no one to give advice on confidence, but you can fake it until you make it. What you have been doing so far isn't working. Make a list of your outstanding qualities and remind yourself of them every day. Confidence is way sexy!

...and if you still cant get past the weight issue, theres no reason why you cant lose some of it.

You say you like to ride your bike a lot. Well...with some healthy eating and maybe pushing a bit harder on the bike you could shed a few lb's. I'm saying go crazy with a diet....just a few lbs to give you some confidence and make you feel better.

Have you ever heard of "acting as if"?

If you want to be more confident, strat acting as if you have all the confidence in the world, even though inside you are shaking like a leaf.

Small steps. It can be done.

Good luck.

U'll find her!

BTW, I think ur sxy as is

Its way worse 4 big girls I think. 1 of my chicas R big. She hardly gets dates. mostly losers 2. But shes not givin up.

confidence is a difficult thing, believe me, i dont have the weight issue but theres plenty of reasons haha. Everyone hear has said the best advice you can get with that! if people treat you badly, they are likely ******** or have an insecurity themselves, the former you dont want to be around anyway! if you are fine with it then definately work on the attitude of confidence, if its you who hates it then work on the weight, if i can fix my issue i can guarentee yours can to! haha

But to the main question, not all girls are like that, i like a healthy man but muscled and uber fit is NASTY in my opinion. some girls like the bigger guys, and better yet some advice my grandma once said, "the more your with someone you truly love the better looking they become to you." So dont let the body stuff get you down, a sweet guy has better tools to use than any hot jerk. Girls outnumber guys 7 to 1, odds are greatly in your favor! good luck with everything ^^



i second that!