One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and
staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so
the
pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he
said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off
the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service,"
replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large
plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"

Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said
"Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts"
Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh me sir me"
The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst in the team!"
Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can’t jump!"

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little
girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to
his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Little Mary was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was
up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Mary?"
"My goldfish died," replied Mary tearfully, without looking up, "and
I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish, isn't it?"
Mary patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's
because he's inside your cat."

Little Mary was riding the bus with her feet up on the seat in front of
her. The boys ahead of her were looking back and snickering. The lady
riding near Little Mary said " Little Mary, those boys can see your
panties. " Little Mary just laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't
wearing panties.

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are
three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"
One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick
question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds
they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.

Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one --
the one that the farmer shot."

The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you
think."

"OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three
women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone.
The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second
slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third
gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is
married?"

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I
think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out
the inside."

Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong -- it's the one with the
wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

Very good.....all of them