I have determined royalty walks amongst you::: Me!!

I am a nut, but not any lousy pissant nut. I am nut royaly. A pecan.
So you may bow down before me.

If you don't you will be forced to eat almonds, and not on an Almond Joy either.

So bow down my loyal subjects, or I will be forced to sic my highly trained loyal royal rabid attack turtles on you.

As we say in nut-land, go mild a turtle!!

Now that I have introduced myself, look at this fantastic investment opportunity.

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I have been bored lately and I figured out why. I miss the exciting adventuresome life I used to have. As a man, I decided to do something. I thought of a great idea.

I will set my toes on fire. That may not sound exciting to you, but it might excite me. If it doesn’t, I will roast marshmallows while I mull over my next move.

Now the question is, should I use gasoline or go for the natural effect?

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Flaming toes update.

I have found gasoline is an unacceptable accelerant for setting fire to your toes. It is a really good accelerant, but there is something traumatic about your entire foot being engulfed in a roaring conflagration and watching your toe hairs shrivel and wither off. That made me lose my honorary hobbit membership. I was so traumatized I forgot to roast marshmallows!

So in a bit, I will try for the natural effect instead. As a genius however; I decided I needed to be properly funded for research, development and production.

Therefore I am offering everyone I know this once in a lifetime opportunity. I am going to sell 1% bundles of stock in the Flame Toe Sandal Company and the Flame Toe Potion Lotion Company. I am starting a new really big fashion trend of course. For both companies, it is only a 1 million dollar total investment.

People will buy lots more sandals to show off their flaming toes. The beauty is we need to concoct a formula to keep the flames on the toes, and it should burn whatever color the lotion says it is so the flames will match their outfit.

You will each be famous, as investors will model the trend on the runway. Join up now while you can still determine your color flame. Don’t choose purple, it is for royalty so that is mine as the royal nut.

Once we strut the runway, we can sell our 1% in each company for a cool billion each. 2 billion dollars for a 1 million investment is a really really good deal. So hurry to the bank and EFT me a million dollars. See how sweet I am to share? Avoid the stampede and send it now! Since I am keeping 1% for me, I only have 999,999 1% shares left to sell.

And almonds are better for the heart and colon... just sayin'!!!

Have you ever heard of spontaneous combustion? It WORKS FOR ME, for .... you...anyway....

But can you market it and make it "pretty?"

By all means....