i would give anythng to see through his eyes
because mine are black and blue
disorented and confused from crying

i would give anything to be where he is
and to be his little princess
and see him face to face

i would give anything to let him take me away
and help me get through another day
if only he was here with me

gaurdian angel takes me away
fly on wings full of sorrows from yesterday
into the dawn of grey
we'll make today our day
as we fly on painting the grey skies gold
as i grow strong and bold
and confident again


i am heartless because i refuse to cry

Very nice, I just hope I have a gaurdian angel to watch
over me.

Lovely words.....i want to be someones guardian angel

There are Angle's here,,,and yours is,,,,,,,right over your shoulder,,,,opps,,,the OTHER shoulder,,,,,,,opps,,,

Nice write,,,seeing through his eyes,,,,you'd see,,nuttin but blue skies,,,,,

at the risk of being chastised...

you might think about dropping the last line. in the first stanza you say...“disoriented and confused from crying”
then you end it with being heartless for refusing to cry. strong, bold and confident are not traits generally associated with the heartless.

now, it’s not a bad line. I just think it may fit better in a different write

also this line, “as we fly on painting the grey skies gold” might read better like this
"as we fly on
painting the grey skies gold”

just suggestions, nothing more

you should not make suggestions when it comes to poetry.
Not the polite thing.
maybe when you can write as well as she does then you may have that right. Just a suggestion, nothing more

we here, do make suggestions to each other from time to time, I know this because I have contributed a piece, maybe two, over the years.

most of us welcome the opinions of others, especially when it may well aid us in sharpening our skills. at the very least, it encourages us to look at (see) our writes from another perspective, which can often times be a growing experience.

this in no way was meant to be disparaging, rather it was intended to help. agree or disagree, I gave my honest opinion as to what I was thinking as I read the lady’s work. I fully comprehend the subjective nature of poetry however; there are times when we all benefit from constructive criticism.

as for me one day writing as well as her before I make suggestions well, I promise I will work on that.

I understand what your saying and will respect that.
You have to understand sometimes what we think needs
improvement may have deep feeling for person who wrote it.
may not make sense to us but her may mean everything.

This girl has very deep thoughts and feelings.

now my writings I just write whats in my head, critics
wecome. I won't pay attention but have fun with it.

I do understand that, which is why I used the word ‘suggestions’ when I referred to the way that the write is perceived. if you noticed, I did not question the piece itself; I merely offered an alternative way to convey these thoughts.

I have a greater appreciation for the craft than you are willing to give me credit for. you have never, nor will you ever see me ridicule or denigrate anyone who post their inner most thoughts in the writing section of this site. (I save that for the political forums ) I understand just what it takes to put yourself out there for all the world to see. that said, I also have come to realize that most people that do, also have open minds and can usually take such things as they are intended. (usually)

Nice write......

welcome to the writes forum amandaddiction!

p.s. most people here do write from somewhere deep, and if you post on a public forum, expect feedback. i've never, in all my years here, seen negativity cast towards a writer, always positive, constructive criticism from a reader's perspective. a wonderful, supportive group of talent and readers here. someone who takes the time, like kc did, to me, is a compliment, i hope amandaddiction sees it that way.

point well taken.

I agree with Bastet126. For a number of years, years ago-lol, a ran a poetry site. Expect criticism, good and bad. But one should always be polite and tactful, thus-helpful. Oh and by the way- I liked the poem very much.

Welcome to the forum!!! Loved your poem. Sometimes I just have to add something even when it may not "fit" because it's personal and just needs to be said. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
L.