Is very sad but as the day grows into days live changes whenever
you meet persons ibelieve you are now fine from your sad news thank God you have

As you say, "some of us planned to stay married and wanted to stay married but our spouse died. "
but there is another ending, too...
"but did not die, but instead took another path."

Those not widowed cannot know all that it entails. But loss of some sort appears universal in this world.

Where I live, the society is very supportive of widows and widowers, and very unsupportive of divorcees. That's Ohio, by the way.

My neighbor of many years ago just last week related a story to me about something my then-wife told her shortly after she moved next door. Here: Let me find the quote and paste it:

"I remember your ex's comment about being uncomfortable about having a divorced woman and 2 kids living next door."

People here have an affinity for people like themselves: White, married stay-at-home moms socialize with other white, married, stay-at-home moms. They go to the same fitness center, shop at the same grocery store, drive a minivan and vacation at Disney World. They don't shift to different social groups and feel threatened by people who made choices different than they made. A married working mother just doesn't fit in, for example. Many times, their men do not have their own social lives: I asked my friend Kevin if he was free to do something that Saturday. His response: "I have no idea what we're doing this weekend. When Josie tells me to get in the car is the first time I know where we're going or who we're seeing."

So when I became divorced, I was ejected from the social group. And no, it's not because anyone took sides; it's just that they feel uncomfortable. They don't know what to say, they don't know how to help, and they don't know how to maintain the friendship with someone who is no longer part of a couple.

If my wife had been killed in a car accident, I think the response would have been more compassionate, and the loss perhaps easier to take??? I don't know, but that is my suspicion.

So GreenEyes, did you experience anything similar when you were divorced vs. widowed?

My marriage was great! I didn't want to lose my husband. But he developed cancer last year and passed away...There's a big difference between being a widow or widower and deciding to end a marriage through a divorce. Don't you think?...I went through a divorce earlier in life. My first marriage ended due to conflicts and unresolved problems. It was a sad time. But in the end I was ready to be "free" again...But I wasn't ready to end my last marriage. Things were going great! I wanted to stay married. But my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and died 13 months later...Anyway I think we're in "different places" when we find ourselves single again. Some of us have walked out of "unhappy marriages." And some of us planned to stay married and wanted to stay married but our spouse died. Sad!....How do you feel about it? Thanks.

I think you have a very valid point.
Divorce- you wanted to get rid of them, or weer forced to get out against your will.
Death- They were taken/ stolen from you.

Both require a certain grieving period. But divorce leaves more marks and possible scars then losing one to death. Both can scare you enough to not want to try again.

I think you have a very valid point.
Divorce- you wanted to get rid of them, or weer forced to get out against your will.
Death- They were taken/ stolen from you.

Both require a certain grieving period. But divorce leaves more marks and possible scars then losing one to death. Both can scare you enough to not want to try again.

What is the difference? I wish I knew. When I went through my divorce there was a period of adjustment loosing long time friends and family. Yet it was a time to open up to new, single friends. Why, well at first I did not want to have the stigma of being worth-less than being married.Later I realised that I was free of constant verbal abuse. I know that sounds strange, but it is how I felt.

Now that my fiance has passed away suddenly, (I did not want to loose him either) we never got the chance to be married, so I can't claim the status of widow. I seem to have no place in a society of labels. (Not that I need a label other than mom) Yet sometimes I feel that I am treated differently than when I was divorced, people do not know how to respond to me now because I do not fit into their neat catagories.

Ok, my last thoughts,it has been my experence with others in my town that Widows/widowers are pitied more and divorcees of the opposite sex as your mate are considered on the prowl and dangerous to the family unit. I do not know why.

My marriage was great! I didn't want to lose my husband. But he developed cancer last year and passed away...There's a big difference between being a widow or widower and deciding to end a marriage through a divorce. Don't you think?...I went through a divorce earlier in life. My first marriage ended due to conflicts and unresolved problems. It was a sad time. But in the end I was ready to be "free" again...But I wasn't ready to end my last marriage. Things were going great! I wanted to stay married. But my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and died 13 months later...Anyway I think we're in "different places" when we find ourselves single again. Some of us have walked out of "unhappy marriages." And some of us planned to stay married and wanted to stay married but our spouse died. Sad!....How do you feel about it? Thanks.