I Remember
I remember living homeless on the streets of Philadelphia, a few winters in a row. I remember the mental confusion I had from not eating a proper meal for weeks at a time. I remember not being able to recognize myself in the reflections of store front windows, I remember wanting to die, I remember 10 degrees below zero nights; trying to not freeze to death in side of burned out tenement homes, no windows or doors, just a urine soaked rug to roll up in.
I remember waking up to the suns early rays coming through the windowless hole in the wall and trying to warm myself in its painful glory shining on me, I remember that when I stumbled in there the night before I couldn’t see a thing. And I remember the look on the dead Negros face I was sleeping next to during the night. I never saw him when I climbed through the back window that was previously barricaded up by the city. And I remember that his face was contorted in a grotesque manner, his mouth was wide open like he was screaming at me, his lips pulled back to show all the teeth he had left, his tongue seemed to be a multitude of colors and swollen, and that his eyes were milk filled pools, but they still were looking right through me, I remember how through his eyes he seemed to speak to me, they seemed to say that I am his past, and that he was my future. I’m sure the over powering smell of urine and feces combined with the bitter cold days and nights in Philadelphia helped to keep the smell of my new found friend’s corpse down to an almost un-noticeable stench. I wonder who he was. And how he died? Murder? drug overdose? Any number of possibilities existed in the heart of the jungle that is the inner-city.and sadly; my only concern at that time was to find a new abandoned house to squat in!
To think that I haven’t gone insane from these and many similar memories is nothing short of a miracle. I cannot try to pretend it didn’t happen; this was just one of many nightmares I live with, I still wake up covered in sweat after seeing and hearing that deafening silent scream in my dreams. But I’m going to be alright. I do not try and get too far away from that last bout with substance abuse, because I don’t want to get close to the next one! Anonymous

I am grateful that I've never had to deal with a substance abuse problem.