Without trust there is no "us"...

You know, if I had a real relationship I would answer all your questions. To answer your last part, my leniency depends on the nature of the r/ship

Now that's an interesting answer. Care to expand?
I mean... to me anyway... I trust my bank to keep my money safe; not to lose it. Saves me from worrying that the theif will find it under the matress or whatever.
I trust my dog to chase the cat and bark when a car pulls into the driveway... to eat too much and bring fleas into the house.
I trust my 93y/o mother to say something wonky every single day...

And in all those trusts, there's an "Us".

We can trust certain things from any relationship, no?
But sometimes I get confused in what you're referring to AR?
(forgive my ignorance)
I see every relationship as different... we get into those realtionships with different needs/wants... declare our expectations sometimes... sometimes go on faith(?)

But to enter into a relation that's based off of sexual attraction and then turn into something "other" would strictly depend on the individuals involved, would it not?
Some are wham, bam thank ma'am; Some are FWB; some are lived out in 15 mins behind the bar and some are these on-again/off-again things.
(Lovin' You Again - ELH - Cowgirl's Prayer Album... couldn't find it on youtube)
In short... it seems a very wide road with lotsa latitude and room for many mindsets... too confusing for me.

Regardless, the trust that you're asking about... what are you trusting in; what are you looking for?
(Just wondering... I'd like to understand... humbly asking.)

Ted... first of all… let me make this one point… I will not enter into a relationship at this stage of my life based on sexual attraction… as compatibility in that arena is not what I value most… if anything, snuggling under the covers as we playfully struggle over who gets the remote can please me more than the fleeting moments of passionate embraces, after which we return to whatever we doing before the mood struck… Although I’ve come to understand that this aspect of a relationship is very important to most people in determining whether they want to hook up, or not… and once they’ve had their test run, they come back still looking for another hook up, because the last one wasn’t the right fit… but, this is not how I intend to connect with the next man that I welcome into my life… I understand the younger generation has different priorities on what is most important being sex and money… I am past that stage at my age... and coming from a vastly different perspective, I place a very high moral standard on my degree of trust in a man that I will commit my life too. After all, I don't just go into a relationship trying to con or manipulate him to see what I can get out of it, or how it can benefit me more than it does my partner... I devote my entire self... my body for his pleasure.. my mind for his challenges... my services for his care and upkeep... these are just examples to paint a clearer picture… and I volunteer myself to these extents because this is what makes me feel fulfilled as a woman... this is my personal commitment that I make when I devote my life to another… and I take my word and my actions very seriously... I also "expect" to be treated by him, just as I treat him... he is reciprocal… though not to the same degree when it comes to the manual aspects of my duties as a female... when I trust him with my life and happiness, just as he too can trust me with his... there is a bond that we rely on as we grow together, sharing our lives, nurturing our spirits… in the process of two becoming one... this level of trust affords us a wider latitude to be ourselves without the need for questioning actions, or absences… however… if my partner elects to use his freedom to betray my trust and seek affection from another, then all my tr’us’t in him and the bond we shared up to that point is done. There will be no more “us” as a couple… he will have to move out and on with his life… because no amount of apologies could convince me that he had any excuse to forget about my love and feelings for him while he’s pumping another person full of himself… You see, to me… when a man is loyal to the personal commitment he has made with me, then I can trust him, but if he is not loyal to the promises he led me to believe I could depend on, then there is no trust and no true commitment… and I’m not interested in maintaining any type of a relationship that doesn’t make me feel happy and complete… I’m living on the other side of 50 now, and I intend for my future to be less complicated then the past… very simple and straight forward… love and lives being shared in the peace that a loyal and trusting connection can afford…

I really have to commend you on this response.
I appreciate it just for simply taking the time for me.
But your openness and forthright speaking is rare and really I love it.
So thank you for that.

Still, I'll need a bit of time to think it through... ya' know, over-think it and all. haha.
So please give me leave to answer later... or, mebbe just ask more later?

I will say that being on the other side of 50 myself, makes me want things a bit less complicated... though I still love intricacy in many things... people most of all.
Wishng you all the best on your path... -t

Now you're just getting cynical.

What atomosphere of players are you referring to?
Surely Mingle or any dating-site is a microcosm of the RL, yes?

Don't distrust others... believe in yourself.
And if you can't do that yet... work on it.

TY for the extra time btw.

Haha, I've put so many filters on my contact abilities that it ain't worthe the bother. Friends don't even write anymore.

You do don't trust yerself... that's what I'm getting at.
Or at least that what my intuition tells me.
So, knock it off... making poor decisions is part of life, see?
(and all the fallout from those things.)

You've a wonderful heart... back in the day I woulda said that your past is your reputation... today, I'd lean more towards the past is merely prologue... it's what's in your heart now that matters and what will determine your future.

If you act on it.
So live it the way that you see it... er, feel it.

ay ay Captain of this magic ship Sir, will do...


speaking of self trust... I have my own back in all things... so I readily accept the consequences of whatever decisions that I make... at this point in my life I have no idea where the future and I are going to be, but I can guarantee that I get there under my own steam... and no matter what happens I'm going to choose to be happy that I'm still alive and able to greet each new day with the excited fervor of my inner child who has been waiting for her chance to come out and play, because she knows that I have her back too...

analyze that why don't you...

Haha, eat me.
I don't need to analyze that... that was perfectly said!!
Rok-on with yer bad self.

A good basis for any relationship is friendship.

You are however asking the wrong question.

You should be asking whether you would miss the opportunity of having the relationship, long distance or not.

If you would then go for it. If you wouldnt then dont.

They rarely work but if you dont try you will never know

Are we loyal?

We’re online friends having never met in person, but we generously communicate in every other way possible, including lengthy email and phone conversations, while also being able to see each other via web-cam on Skype or Messenger, and we’re involved in an emotionally rocking relationship, respecting and caring for each other immensely. But because of the physical distance between us, it could be as little as a few hundred miles, or as much as oceans apart, we know it could be quite some time, if ever, that we get to be together to caress our bodies in the same way we’ve caressed our minds and stoked our feelings.

So, do we remain loyal to only one special relationship we’ve created and invested time in, thereby rejecting all others who we also like and connect with to a lesser degree?

Or should we not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else who is closer and more accessible?

*************************************************************************
Are we lenient?

We all have our own definitions for what we find to be acceptable behavior on the part of those we love, boundaries we know not to cross if we want to keep a drama free relationship happy and growing closer. And we establish these certain limitations at the start of any serious commitment, so that if breached we know the violation could lead to consequences that we previously agreed on. While drawing our lines in the sand, we simultaneously don’t want to be collared and leashed to restrain our activities, because once applied they could be tightened so much that we’d be strangled to death. So we agree to draw the lines loosely, allowing for plenty of play room.

So, how do you define leniency in your relationships?

And what are the consequences if your love interest crosses the lines?

Outside of the couple of times I did stupid love (jumping into an acknowledgement of love without it being the real thing) can I add these few times were "stupid stupid stupid" and I feel to this day terrible about them, real love for me has never had "lines". My super relationships came without lines and nothing but caring for the other was in view. True love is completely blind and you don't really think about the negotiation of lines cause you are in a different type of thinking mode.

Even in a relationship that is maybe or maybe not "the relationship" I try not to have lines. If there are lines that get developed I would take this as not being a totally on base relationship for me. Relationships for me have been based on the freedom to love the other to the place of wanting them to have the very best for them.

An example, my current relationship is completely open ended as she knows that I think her career (showbiz) is something that I feel she is perfect for and she should be throwing herself into it fully without having too big of an attachment to me. This is an area where her or I could have made into a line, but what good would this do to have this in the back of both of our minds? Zero! We both know the biz and we both know and have a peace that she needs to be single in focus. We don't talk about what will "we" do after. For her there is now, and that now I can except as someone who loves her, and is her fan. She could start a relationship with someone else today and I would not feel left out or rejected cause she knows that I am in this for her and the decisions she makes are completely hers. I'm there to be a help and maybe even a friendly guide.

People put undo pressures on relationships that don't need to be there. If there is honesty and trust in your heart than you are able to detect what is "right". I will not be in something that is wrong. Wrong is simply wrong and it means that there is some growth that needs to take place so not so many "lines" get drawn. I end things quick if I am seeing someone and hit lines that should never be there. People say "well this is how you work through things", is it? Is it really? I don't think so. Lines are something that if anything you and your partner should draw together and not something you should have to draw up against your partner. people make being units hard because they do not want to truly be in a giving relationship, meaning they are putting themselves above the act of being a couple. I don't buy into this arrangement, nor do I see it as being God's best. Life is not suppose to be a battle of wills, but the giving of love. And for me, if peace is truly a part of love than I have no business raining on my own parade.

Foolishly I have done the worldly love thing, but I have also done the Godly love thing and it beats the pants off of the other hands down. One is a game and the other is a dream come true. So what do I want? My dream come true or what I see the world "settle" for. I could do (and have done) both, but which one am I built for? Which one is natural and not forced? I believe there are many who enjoy the worldly love and like having a game instead of the dream. To them it may be a dream to play love, but anyone who has had the togetherness of real love, we know a world exist that has altogether a different outlook on things.