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| Topic: Where do we draw the lines? | |
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Where do I draw the lines?
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten -Beddingfield |
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Are we loyal? We’re online friends having never met in person, but we generously communicate in every other way possible, including lengthy email and phone conversations, while also being able to see each other via web-cam on Skype or Messenger, and we’re involved in an emotionally rocking relationship, respecting and caring for each other immensely. But because of the physical distance between us, it could be as little as a few hundred miles, or as much as oceans apart, we know it could be quite some time, if ever, that we get to be together to caress our bodies in the same way we’ve caressed our minds and stoked our feelings. So, do we remain loyal to only one special relationship we’ve created and invested time in, thereby rejecting all others who we also like and connect with to a lesser degree? Or should we not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else who is closer and more accessible? ************************************************************************* Are we lenient? We all have our own definitions for what we find to be acceptable behavior on the part of those we love, boundaries we know not to cross if we want to keep a drama free relationship happy and growing closer. And we establish these certain limitations at the start of any serious commitment, so that if breached we know the violation could lead to consequences that we previously agreed on. While drawing our lines in the sand, we simultaneously don’t want to be collared and leashed to restrain our activities, because once applied they could be tightened so much that we’d be strangled to death. So we agree to draw the lines loosely, allowing for plenty of play room. So, how do you define leniency in your relationships? And what are the consequences if your love interest crosses the lines? The first part of your essay, I would think you would not lock in, until you meet in person as you might not be compatible in person. So keep your options open. I define leniency as letting someone I'm communicating with test whatever waters she wants to. I don't own her or have a "claim" on her, and I do not know what she is thinking. However, if we agreed we are a couple, then I would expect monogamous behavior and exhibit it myself. Essentially anything goes until someone is "taken." If you are in a supposedly monogamous commitment, and they cross the line, it is kaput. You never know what will happen in life. I agree with you hippie, about keeping our options open.. in fact, this post isn't even based on a real relationship, as I don't use web-cam to communicate, it's only a hypothetical query intended to stir minds and create conversation, and so far, it looks like it has accomplished just that... And I agree with what you said... "anything goes until someone is taken"... so... if the hypothetical people in this scenario have never agreed to be taken off the market then there have been no lines to cross... they are still single agents who can come and go as they please, and see and talk to whoever they like, because they have not whole heartedly committed to each other... |
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So, do we remain loyal to only one special relationship we’ve created and invested time in, thereby rejecting all others who we also like and connect with to a lesser degree? I don't think there is a right answer here. Limiting my relationships would be a personal choice. I don't think my love would appreciate it if I limited my associates on her account. What would that say about me? That I need to stop socializing because I'm afraid I might find someone better? If I start rejecting others, it would simply be because she is giving me what I need and I don't need any more. If she does not feel the same way about me, then I need to deal with that on my own. Or should we not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else who is closer and more accessible? And what are the consequences if your love interest crosses the lines? For me, crossing the line means lying. The consequences are that I feel hurt. How can I build a serious relationship with someone that is afraid to be honest with me? The consequences are that I then start to lose interest in being serious. Beyond that, I don't think I have any "lines." I just follow my heart and do my best to behave rationally with the feelings that come my way. Hi Sinner... this is just a hypothetical query intended to stimulate thinking, and I can identify with your response.. "if I start rejecting others it is because she is giving me what I need and I don't need any more." And thank you for explaining what crossing the line means to you... lying and/or the inability to be honest... I agree... because just from a logical perspective, it's too difficult to plan for or work toward a future we can't depend on if the people we care about don't level with us about their true long term intentions. |
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Where do I draw the lines? I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten -Beddingfield I enjoy this song as it rings true in so many different ways... |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Mon 02/18/13 01:40 PM
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I should not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else, who is closer and more accessible? I agree with this. Because this is how I do, when I meet any man far off. I have had dates with men from other states and they plan to meet me inperson. We have a "friendship", I can not have a relationship with a man I never spent any time with first. I do not ask the man for a relationship, because I may meet inperson and not even want a relationship with the man. That has happened to me before, I got two proposals from men I wouldn't marry because they had ex wives,debts and several ideas, that didn't fall into, what I wanted in a mate. |
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I should not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else, who is closer and more accessible? I agree with this. Because this is how I do, when I meet any man far off. I have had dates with men from other states and they plan to meet me inperson. We have a "friendship", I can not have a relationship with a man I never spent any time with first. I do not ask the man for a relationship, because I may meet inperson and not even want a relationship with the man. That has happened to me before, I got two proposals from men I wouldn't marry because they had ex wives,debts and several ideas, that didn't fall into, what I wanted in a mate. thank you toody, even at 51 I still view life through the eyes of my inner child at times... too trusting... too emotional... knowing full well all this online business is just fantasy... and reality only hits when we meet face to face... maybe that's why I'm so scared to do it... meet anyone in person... because I know this safe and secure world I've built around myself could come tumbling down around me... and I'm just not ready for any more serious emotional traumas yet... 2012 handed me more than my share for a lifetime... so taking this all slow and casual is all I'm really good for... 
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Mon 02/18/13 03:31 PM
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I should not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else, who is closer and more accessible? I agree with this. Because this is how I do, when I meet any man far off. I have had dates with men from other states and they plan to meet me inperson. We have a "friendship", I can not have a relationship with a man I never spent any time with first. I do not ask the man for a relationship, because I may meet inperson and not even want a relationship with the man. That has happened to me before, I got two proposals from men I wouldn't marry because they had ex wives,debts and several ideas, that didn't fall into, what I wanted in a mate. thank you toody, even at 51 I still view life through the eyes of my inner child at times... too trusting... too emotional... knowing full well all this online business is just fantasy... and reality only hits when we meet face to face... maybe that's why I'm so scared to do it... meet anyone in person... because I know this safe and secure world I've built around myself could come tumbling down around me... and I'm just not ready for any more serious emotional traumas yet... 2012 handed me more than my share for a lifetime... so taking this all slow and casual is all I'm really good for... A woman can not be scared to date Online if she is, then maybe it maynot be the best place for her to date from. I mean she can and should be cautious but not scared to meet inperson. I have met men but I usually talk to them a lot before hand, I never been stood up and had some nice dates. I don't go out to meet just anyone. And the men travel here, so they are serious about meeting someone, most have money to spend on hotels and such. I like that. Most Older men have it together. Except the ones, that the ex Wives have stripped them of most funds, and they need a woman to help them out financially.I avoid guys with lots of debts like that. 
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Edited by
Traumer
on
Mon 02/18/13 03:57 PM
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Are we loyal? We’re online friends having never met in person, but we generously communicate in every other way possible, including lengthy email and phone conversations, while also being able to see each other via web-cam on Skype or Messenger, and we’re involved in an emotionally rocking relationship, respecting and caring for each other immensely. But because of the physical distance between us, it could be as little as a few hundred miles, or as much as oceans apart, we know it could be quite some time, if ever, that we get to be together to caress our bodies in the same way we’ve caressed our minds and stoked our feelings. So, do we remain loyal to only one special relationship we’ve created and invested time in, thereby rejecting all others who we also like and connect with to a lesser degree? Or should we not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else who is closer and more accessible? ************************************************************************* Are we lenient? We all have our own definitions for what we find to be acceptable behavior on the part of those we love, boundaries we know not to cross if we want to keep a drama free relationship happy and growing closer. And we establish these certain limitations at the start of any serious commitment, so that if breached we know the violation could lead to consequences that we previously agreed on. While drawing our lines in the sand, we simultaneously don’t want to be collared and leashed to restrain our activities, because once applied they could be tightened so much that we’d be strangled to death. So we agree to draw the lines loosely, allowing for plenty of play room. So, how do you define leniency in your relationships? And what are the consequences if your love interest crosses the lines? Reading your post one can almost sense the heartstrings being pulled and vibrating. Seems that the 'personal situations' have not changed for the better since Time Magazine did their feature articles in their Spring issue of 1995 on Cyberspace and their article on page 20, Intimate Strangers. That is definitely worth reading over. You should try and connect with Time Inc or Time Mag. and find the article on line. It is still very much cogent to this day, age and 'personal situations' as you have described. (I keep some rather extensive files,btw  ) Loyalty, the current buzz word, is for myself only applicable for something idealistic; a cause, a goal to achieve or to some leader of something that I have sworn an oath to; it is a mind set for something more than a total stranger that may or may not be as they represent themselves... |
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It's online chat not a marriage.
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I should not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else, who is closer and more accessible? I agree with this. Because this is how I do, when I meet any man far off. I have had dates with men from other states and they plan to meet me inperson. We have a "friendship", I can not have a relationship with a man I never spent any time with first. I do not ask the man for a relationship, because I may meet inperson and not even want a relationship with the man. That has happened to me before, I got two proposals from men I wouldn't marry because they had ex wives,debts and several ideas, that didn't fall into, what I wanted in a mate. thank you toody, even at 51 I still view life through the eyes of my inner child at times... too trusting... too emotional... knowing full well all this online business is just fantasy... and reality only hits when we meet face to face... maybe that's why I'm so scared to do it... meet anyone in person... because I know this safe and secure world I've built around myself could come tumbling down around me... and I'm just not ready for any more serious emotional traumas yet... 2012 handed me more than my share for a lifetime... so taking this all slow and casual is all I'm really good for... A woman can not be scared to date Online if she is, then maybe it maynot be the best place for her to date from. I mean she can and should be cautious but not scared to meet inperson. I have met men but I usually talk to them a lot before hand, I never been stood up and had some nice dates. I don't go out to meet just anyone. And the men travel here, so they are serious about meeting someone, most have money to spend on hotels and such. I like that. Most Older men have it together. Except the ones, that the ex Wives have stripped them of most funds, and they need a woman to help them out financially.I avoid guys with lots of debts like that. I understand your point completely... even though it's been a few months since I've been online all this is still new to me... I haven't even been divorced a year yet... and because I've been with only my ex since 1994, the thought of being with another man is daunting... but I'm working through my fears slowly... Heck, if it weren't for being able to meet men online I would never meet one again, cuz here in the small town where I live there aren't many to pick from, and I would never approach them first, so my options are really limited... taking things slow is what makes me feel more comfortable... besides, I'm not in any need for anything... and it's nice to be on my own, not having to clean up after anyone else but me and Hammer, so I'm enjoying my downtime right now... I know one day my courage will return with the right guiding hand leading my heart... so until then I'm going to keep on Mingling with cool folks like you...
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Are we loyal? We’re online friends having never met in person, but we generously communicate in every other way possible, including lengthy email and phone conversations, while also being able to see each other via web-cam on Skype or Messenger, and we’re involved in an emotionally rocking relationship, respecting and caring for each other immensely. But because of the physical distance between us, it could be as little as a few hundred miles, or as much as oceans apart, we know it could be quite some time, if ever, that we get to be together to caress our bodies in the same way we’ve caressed our minds and stoked our feelings. So, do we remain loyal to only one special relationship we’ve created and invested time in, thereby rejecting all others who we also like and connect with to a lesser degree? Or should we not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else who is closer and more accessible? ************************************************************************* Are we lenient? We all have our own definitions for what we find to be acceptable behavior on the part of those we love, boundaries we know not to cross if we want to keep a drama free relationship happy and growing closer. And we establish these certain limitations at the start of any serious commitment, so that if breached we know the violation could lead to consequences that we previously agreed on. While drawing our lines in the sand, we simultaneously don’t want to be collared and leashed to restrain our activities, because once applied they could be tightened so much that we’d be strangled to death. So we agree to draw the lines loosely, allowing for plenty of play room. So, how do you define leniency in your relationships? And what are the consequences if your love interest crosses the lines? Reading your post one can almost sense the heartstrings being pulled and vibrating. Seems that the 'personal situations' have not changed for the better since Time Magazine did their feature articles in their Spring issue of 1995 on Cyberspace and their article on page 20, Intimate Strangers. That is definitely worth reading over. You should try and connect with Time Inc or Time Mag. and find the article on line. It is still very much cogent to this day, age and 'personal situations' as you have described. (I keep some rather extensive files,btw ) Loyalty, the current buzz word, is for myself only applicable for something idealistic; a cause, a goal to achieve or to some leader of something that I have sworn an oath to; it is a mind set for something more than a total stranger that may or may not be as they represent themselves... thank you Traumer, for your take on the emotional aspect of this writing... I also keep so many files documenting history that I had to rent a storage unit just to hold them all... lol... so I can definitely relate in that aspect. And, I'm going to try and find the article you refer to, as you've piqued my curiosity... |
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It's online chat not a marriage. short and to the point... thank you...
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Wow... I know that I think too much but that's a lot!  Aren't all relationships different. Different expectations, needs/wants/desires, trusts given, loyalties maintained(or not). btw, how do you establish those certain limitations that you speak of? DO you openly talk it out... make lists and such. Or just kinda' intuit things? hi Ted, nice to see you again... I don't know if you've noticed yet, but I'm a very open and talkative, yet deep female, who likes to put everything on the table in black and white.. okay maybe we have to go through all the gray areas to get to the point, because we are online in a public forum.. but once in private I, and/or, me and he would discuss expectations in detail so there are no surprises, and any unrealistic issues can be easily addressed before furthering a commitment... when I was younger I was more spontaneous, taking life and love as it came... but now I am settled and my spontaneity is saved for the romantic side of life... and... as boring as predictability can be, I find that it serves me better in the long view... That's sounds wonderful to me! It sounds like you've made some great decisions in your life. Much respect!! |
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Wow... I know that I think too much but that's a lot! Aren't all relationships different. Different expectations, needs/wants/desires, trusts given, loyalties maintained(or not). btw, how do you establish those certain limitations that you speak of? DO you openly talk it out... make lists and such. Or just kinda' intuit things? hi Ted, nice to see you again... I don't know if you've noticed yet, but I'm a very open and talkative, yet deep female, who likes to put everything on the table in black and white.. okay maybe we have to go through all the gray areas to get to the point, because we are online in a public forum.. but once in private I, and/or, me and he would discuss expectations in detail so there are no surprises, and any unrealistic issues can be easily addressed before furthering a commitment... when I was younger I was more spontaneous, taking life and love as it came... but now I am settled and my spontaneity is saved for the romantic side of life... and... as boring as predictability can be, I find that it serves me better in the long view... That's sounds wonderful to me! It sounds like you've made some great decisions in your life. Much respect!! thank you, Ted.. good decisions backed up with sacrifice and hard work.. nothing I have achieved has been given to me, it has been earned, I can assure you... |
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...I wouldn't need those assurances.
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...I wouldn't need those assurances. 
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Friendship is a form of love but is well short of the expectations of a committed "love" relationship. Once you commit to an exclusive relationship then you do not own, and have not the right, to give away the affection (sex) that was given to another. If you are simply cyber-friends without the stated exclusive commitment, then there is no expected or implied bonding (marriage).
Once a partner has cheated do we afford any leniency? That is a hard one. Love can conquer all but trust betrayed can destroy all. Children, length of time together, strength of your love, religious convictions, and a few more factors are all part of the equation. It is a personal decision to forgive only and leave or to forgive and try again. Only when you are in the situation can you say which way the current will take you. |
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Friendship is a form of love but is well short of the expectations of a committed "love" relationship. Once you commit to an exclusive relationship then you do not own, and have not the right, to give away the affection (sex) that was given to another. If you are simply cyber-friends without the stated exclusive commitment, then there is no expected or implied bonding (marriage). Once a partner has cheated do we afford any leniency? That is a hard one. Love can conquer all but trust betrayed can destroy all. Children, length of time together, strength of your love, religious convictions, and a few more factors are all part of the equation. It is a personal decision to forgive only and leave or to forgive and try again. Only when you are in the situation can you say which way the current will take you. Well said. 
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Are we loyal? We’re online friends having never met in person, but we generously communicate in every other way possible, including lengthy email and phone conversations, while also being able to see each other via web-cam on Skype or Messenger, and we’re involved in an emotionally rocking relationship, respecting and caring for each other immensely. But because of the physical distance between us, it could be as little as a few hundred miles, or as much as oceans apart, we know it could be quite some time, if ever, that we get to be together to caress our bodies in the same way we’ve caressed our minds and stoked our feelings. So, do we remain loyal to only one special relationship we’ve created and invested time in, thereby rejecting all others who we also like and connect with to a lesser degree? Or should we not expect, or ask for any type of commitment that could possibly limit our ability to search for and become more seriously involved with someone else who is closer and more accessible? ************************************************************************* Are we lenient? We all have our own definitions for what we find to be acceptable behavior on the part of those we love, boundaries we know not to cross if we want to keep a drama free relationship happy and growing closer. And we establish these certain limitations at the start of any serious commitment, so that if breached we know the violation could lead to consequences that we previously agreed on. While drawing our lines in the sand, we simultaneously don’t want to be collared and leashed to restrain our activities, because once applied they could be tightened so much that we’d be strangled to death. So we agree to draw the lines loosely, allowing for plenty of play room. So, how do you define leniency in your relationships? And what are the consequences if your love interest crosses the lines? You know, if I had a real relationship I would answer all your questions. To answer your last part, my leniency depends on the nature of the r/ship |
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Friendship is a form of love but is well short of the expectations of a committed "love" relationship. Once you commit to an exclusive relationship then you do not own, and have not the right, to give away the affection (sex) that was given to another. If you are simply cyber-friends without the stated exclusive commitment, then there is no expected or implied bonding (marriage). Once a partner has cheated do we afford any leniency? That is a hard one. Love can conquer all but trust betrayed can destroy all. Children, length of time together, strength of your love, religious convictions, and a few more factors are all part of the equation. It is a personal decision to forgive only and leave or to forgive and try again. Only when you are in the situation can you say which way the current will take you. Without trust there is no "us"... |
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