In highschool I had a terrible time with a bully, she bascially ruined my self esteem & left me terribly self-conscious about every little thing.
So, because of that I have never really had a relationship & I am nearly 21.
Does anyone have any tips on getting over that?
I'd really like to find someone that accepts me for who I am and loves me, but because of this problem it's been extremely hard to even talk to a guy in person and take compliments.

I'd love some advice :)

well u know what is ur problem.
i guess that the best is that u start interacting with other people, and little by little open urself as soon as u feel confident

Yes, that is the best way.
Thanks for the advice <3 :)

seek out a good psychologist.

come on lori
give her a break
sometimes good friends can help more than a psychologist
show some love my dear sister

haha!
sometimes shrinks help though!
in my case I don't think that one would,
but thanks for the suggestion!

miguel, i wasn't being mean. a good psychologist is better than any friend...and they are neutral. you can tell them anything you need to.

plus, they are TRAINED to help you deal with issues just such as these.

you forget, my mother IS one of those great psychologists...and that's my minor, as well.

_______________________________

of course, you can use a bit of behavioral therapy on yourself, as well...sit down and write out the irrational thoughts that are going through your head...and then write WHY they are irrational. "nobody finds me worthy of love", for instance. now break it down...write a list showing who DOES love you. pick it apart, and explain WHY you are worthy...

every time you do this, you take away the power of the irrational thought. you should concentrate on changing the wording. with the human mind, occasionally...thought IS deed.

First, it’s important to understand that bullies are cowards and have problems of their own, which don’t necessarily have anything whatsoever to do with you -- other than that you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, when she decided to try to deal with her own issues the wrong way. This has nothing to do with who you are as a person – most bullies don’t know their victims all that well, nor do they care to. It’s easier to dehumanize and abuse someone if you can maintain a certain level of detachment. What she did had nothing at all to do with your value and worth as a person.

Secondly, it’s important to realize that you are a whole person, with a life, and things and people you care about, and hopes and dreams and fears and desires and thoughts and ideas – not simply a victim. There is so much more to you than that!

Thirdly, it’s important to realize that she is no longer around and can have no further control over you – other than what you allow her to have, by letting that fear paralyze you and interfere with your progress! She’s gone now, and while I have no doubt that those were painful times, they are over now. Tell yourself that you are not going to let her run your life anymore. You can take charge of your life and get beyond those days – it’s not easy, but it can be done – if you really want to.

JSH is a great place to find new people to talk to about all kinds of things, and there are many here who really do know how to give good, solid advice. I hope you enjoy it here.

Sorry lulu alot of people say go see this or go see that. I think getting into life and whats wrond you does a hell alot better then some dud or chick that you pay money to to come to find out that you just spent how ever much you did for him to tell you to get out more and be a part of life.

Ohhhitsyou I was in the same place as you were. alway worried about what people might think of me. My best suggestion to you would be. take one thing that your self conscious about and face it. take it slow. It's like me. I don't like to be around alot of people at the beach wearing shorts lol I'm thin but I got to a place today, where I say who cares what others think. The only way i got over it. Was just by doing it.

Thanks so much guys!
I will take all this into consideration and work to make my
fears disappear :)
its also nice to see others in the same boat as I am in.
*many hugs*

a GOOD psychologist has you DO those very things. and gives you a safe place to vent...they have the ideas on HOW to face issues...that oftentimes, others just don't have.

they aren't for everyone...and the mediocre and sucky ones make it harder on the brilliant ones.

Hey Oohh! Welcome!

I like the Warhol pic. It's very cool!

It's quite late over there, isn't it?

best thing you can do is relax

learn more about you and be more comfortable in your own skin and do things to keep you happy the rest will fall into place when the time is right

Yes, the good ones are great but my area lacks them. The one I talked to years ago for this issue was only interested in getting paid haha! But she was okay to vent to, she just didn't give the best advice.

Hey BayAreaGal!
Thanks, I had a mac laptop and that was one of the photo types. It's not the best pic but its suits me lol.
It's quite late here, nearly 2am. I'm a night person haha.
Nice pic you have, I looove the water!

You're quite handy with the special effects! Can you touch up my pic too?

Yea, the water is great! I *knew* you were cool even before you said that! I don't get out there as often as I like. How about you?

Pic looks good to me, I would leave it BAG

Leave it in the BAG? Wha...??

Kidding...! Thx. How've you been?

I am always good, off to Mt. Rushmore tomorrow so I will be gone till Monday

Mount Rushmore? What for?

I hear Washington's nose is falling off...

lol, my daughter has yet to see it, plus I need a break, a nice little drive in the summer sun with the top down wind blowin in my hair, relaxing I tell ya.