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| Topic: It was all my fault when............ | |
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Okay Krupa brought up a good point. We are all part of our failed relationships because we are in them.
Okay, confession time. WHAT did you do wrong to end your significant relationship i.e. marriage or over 5 years in length? My biggest bad thing I did was I made unilateral decisions ALL THE TIME. A unilateral decision in therapy is a decision that you make by yourself that seriously affects the other person and you really should have sought their consent. I spent money. I brought home pets. I got rid of things. I moved things. I assumed he would help people with their computers. I assumed he would want to help at my charity job. |
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I hope you learned to stop assuming.
:) My fault... I hold on loosely and encourage my gals to find the best love they can have while praying that it is me. Thank God I found my woman! She is the only one I met who loves me....faults and all. That ain't something I take for granted. |
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Sun 06/23/13 09:49 AM
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I was going to answer this and then changed my mind. I agree that we all have foibles and need to own our behaviors and mistakes. but I see no point in constantly rehashing them either.
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Okay Krupa brought up a good point. We are all part of our failed relationships because we are in them. Okay, confession time. WHAT did you do wrong to end your significant relationship i.e. marriage or over 5 years in length? My biggest bad thing I did was I made unilateral decisions ALL THE TIME. A unilateral decision in therapy is a decision that you make by yourself that seriously affects the other person and you really should have sought their consent. I spent money. I brought home pets. I got rid of things. I moved things. I assumed he would help people with their computers. I assumed he would want to help at my charity job. I really cant take responsibility to the infidelity, I truly believe that was a cultural thing based in the high acceptance and encouragement he found amongst his peers for that behavior however, I take responsibility for shutting off,, closing off myself to any possibility but leaving because I felt that was 'who I was',,,,,, I wasnt that woman who stuck in an unfaithful relationship I regret not working harder to see if I could be that woman who WORKED THROUGH The infidelities with my spouse to make a stronger relationship,,,,,it may or may not have worked, but I could have done more before giving up.... |
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I was going to answer this and then changed my mind. I agree that we all have foibles and need to own our behaviors and mistakes. but I see no point in constantly rehashing them either. I just posted this because I believe if we see ourselves say it, it's a formal acknowledgment and helps us grow past it. Nah, I am no therapist. But I just thought Krupa was right. We blame and blame and blame other people. The other sex as a whole. Entire age brackets of the opposite sex. Etc. etc. Rarely to we say "I F'ed up TOO". |
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Okay Krupa brought up a good point. We are all part of our failed relationships because we are in them. Okay, confession time. WHAT did you do wrong to end your significant relationship i.e. marriage or over 5 years in length? My biggest bad thing I did was I made unilateral decisions ALL THE TIME. A unilateral decision in therapy is a decision that you make by yourself that seriously affects the other person and you really should have sought their consent. I spent money. I brought home pets. I got rid of things. I moved things. I assumed he would help people with their computers. I assumed he would want to help at my charity job. I really cant take responsibility to the infidelity, I truly believe that was a cultural thing based in the high acceptance and encouragement he found amongst his peers for that behavior however, I take responsibility for shutting off,, closing off myself to any possibility but leaving because I felt that was 'who I was',,,,,, I wasnt that woman who stuck in an unfaithful relationship I regret not working harder to see if I could be that woman who WORKED THROUGH The infidelities with my spouse to make a stronger relationship,,,,,it may or may not have worked, but I could have done more before giving up.... Thank you very much for being brave and sharing. I know not everyone would count is as your fault but what matter is what you wish you did differently. I guess that someone who does not know you have children might not understand. |
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You did the right thing Harmony....I have read your posts though the years.
Sucks....but....not every relationship is doomed to success. I am personally glad my previous relationships went down the crapper. Otherwise I would have never found the woman who loves me better than any woman has loved me before. |
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My marriage ended not because anyone did anything "wrong" but because we just turned out not to be fully compatible for the long haul. There was too much of a mismatch in our styles of dealing with things like stress and adversity, and a huge difference in our approach to communication.
Sometimes a relationship doesn't work out just because it doesn't work out. |
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My marriage ended not because anyone did anything "wrong" but because we just turned out not to be fully compatible for the long haul. There was too much of a mismatch in our styles of dealing with things like stress and adversity, and a huge difference in our approach to communication. Sometimes a relationship doesn't work out just because it doesn't work out. That is not what we are talking about. We are talking about when have you been at fault in a relationship. At some point, we all have contributed to a break up. |
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You did the right thing Harmony....I have read your posts though the years. Sucks....but....not every relationship is doomed to success. I am personally glad my previous relationships went down the crapper. Otherwise I would have never found the woman who loves me better than any woman has loved me before. definitely worked out for you,,,,,refreshing to watch you and soufie speak of each other ,,, |
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It was all my fault when............ ...actually that about says it for me 
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My marriage ended not because anyone did anything "wrong" but because we just turned out not to be fully compatible for the long haul. There was too much of a mismatch in our styles of dealing with things like stress and adversity, and a huge difference in our approach to communication. Sometimes a relationship doesn't work out just because it doesn't work out. That is not what we are talking about. We are talking about when have you been at fault in a relationship. At some point, we all have contributed to a break up. There's a huge difference between contributing to something and "it was ALL my fault"... Just sayin'... |
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Edited by
Rawrr_Girl
on
Sun 06/23/13 10:51 AM
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Not sure I can take account for the way one of my ex's emotionally abused me, as I have no idea what causes it. There was one time, however, where I didn't believe another ex. I only thought he was trying to apologize to get back into my good books, so I didn't fully believe he was sorry. I never usually say "Whatever!", but that's all I replied with, when I texted him back. He then sent me a text about two pages long. Calling me every swear word that exists. I was just worried he was trying to look good. As for that mean text he sent me, that was enough to put me off him for good.
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also, my responsibility for the choices that lead to my assault,,,,,
but it did make me stronger and wiser about those types of choices... |
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No one said EVERYTHING was your fault. It was just admitting YOUR NEGATIVE CONTRIBUTION to something. The title was meant to make an impact. So many of these titles like "Where are the good men/women"? get a reaction. I wanted people to own up to their part. (when I say your I am not speaking to one particular person)
You will notice I purposely did not mention what my ex did which is why we divorced not because of what I did. That would defeat the purpose of the thread. |
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it's not what I did...it's what I didn't do.
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it's not what I did...it's what I didn't do. so it was all my fault when I didn't...... |
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it's not what I did...it's what I didn't do. so it was all my fault when I didn't...... 
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You did the right thing Harmony....I have read your posts though the years. Sucks....but....not every relationship is doomed to success. I am personally glad my previous relationships went down the crapper. Otherwise I would have never found the woman who loves me better than any woman has loved me before. definitely worked out for you,,,,,refreshing to watch you and soufie speak of each other ,,, Second that!! |
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My marriage ended not because anyone did anything "wrong" but because we just turned out not to be fully compatible for the long haul. There was too much of a mismatch in our styles of dealing with things like stress and adversity, and a huge difference in our approach to communication. Sometimes a relationship doesn't work out just because it doesn't work out. That is not what we are talking about. We are talking about when have you been at fault in a relationship. At some point, we all have contributed to a break up. There's a huge difference between contributing to something and "it was ALL my fault"... Just sayin'... agree....there are times when nothing really is our fault, or nobody is at fault. why accept blame or fault if you really have done nothing wrong? it's wrong to try to force people into accepting responsibility for mistakes they did not make. I am sure we can all think of bazillions of times we've messed up - that's enough...not lettin' anyone lay any more on me...lol 
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