Topic: When should you introduce your children to the person you ar
coldesthngwalkn's photo
Thu 11/07/13 11:45 AM
I've recently started dating again. When should I let my 8 year old meet this person. What if I'm dating more than one person?

cstaceysmile's photo
Thu 11/07/13 11:53 AM
I normally wait about 3 months before letting anyone meet my kids.

TxsGal3333's photo
Thu 11/07/13 01:15 PM
Mine are grown now but I always waited 2-3 months before I did... By that time you should know if you want them around for a while....

coldesthngwalkn's photo
Thu 11/07/13 02:29 PM
Okay thanks.

PacificStar48's photo
Thu 11/07/13 05:11 PM
My children are now grown and out of the home.

When they were in the home, before computers when they were young, my pattern was to not even date anyone that I did not check out first. If a person could not pass a reference check, forget it, I was not going out with them; and I sure didn't bring them home.

If I decided they passed muster then they probably knew me, that I had kids (especially a special needs child), and already met us at community organizations or church I was active in. The nature of the work I have done, the businesses I have owned, my involvement in politics I have had a pretty public life so the whole getting to know "us" was rarely the issue. lol

My kids liked people and people liked them. Mainly because they were taught to behave from a very young age.

When I dated however my kids knew Mom was out with so and so from the get go so no big dramatic reveals or drama about it. And that mutual respect and friendship was where it started for me and that should be reflected in their thinking and behavior but NEVER pre-empted our Family relationship. Keep in mind I did NOT sleep with my friends or "dates", and our family rule was the sanctity of our mutual home was honored before any guest entered. If I even got the vibe my kids did not like someone they were history fast. But dating someone was not a big deal; Mom had work appointments and we had skilled and dependable daycare that they liked.

My kids thought Mom having friends was a plus because they were taught from and early age that grownups need friends. Even when I was still married they knew single parent families and we babysit for them taking teachable moments to talk about relationships.

To me there is a big difference in dating and "courting" that some, younger people especially, jumble up with dating. Dating is the fun part and you are building a foundation. Courting is where you start getting more serious and start working toward a marriage relationship with monogamy, sharing chores and time with the family and meaningful friends, engagement, premarital "retreats" and counseling about private matters, getting involved in minor parenting and money issues. Courting that doesn't include shacking up has a lot better chance at ending in marriage. Kids don't get trashed in breakups that retain some autonomy until marriage. .