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| Topic: How you feel/talk about your past LTR | |
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I really do have hard feelings for my kids dad. Im working on it though....He has a lot of problems makes mine seem small. My kids know some things and I'm sure their dad bad mouths me because sometimes they repeat it. Lol but i don't go there And I don't let my family or friends go there. I go out of my way to do the opposite. I pray for all of us to be healthy and happy. Sometimes though..... I feel for you....Such a hard situation and one that you have very little, if any control over.... 
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A conversation with my girl yesterday got me thinking ... If you have children with an ex and you feel negative about that relationship now that you broke up.. and you convey that negativity .. You trash your kids' good memories, which often comprised their ENTIRE childhood!!! --> If you as a parent only see the whole thing as bad and negative, then their good memories are based on .. what? Nothing ... You take away their good memories of their childhood, the only time in life they ever had two parents together ... I wonder if anyone actually thinks about that at all when they're ranting & venting? The father of my children is still very negative about our relationship (11 yrs) and I honest to god don't understand why. It's not as if the whole 11 years were bad, we experienced really wonderful and amazing things together, were very happy for a long time.. We created two beautiful children, we had a lot of fun, and yeah, in the end it didn't work out, but we didn't split up arguing and fighting, the love and passion had simply gone. So now both my children are stuck with mixed views on their childhood. Their own views and memories get tainted by their father, that must be SO painful and confusing!! So maybe something to think about if you have kids and still harbour negative feelings about their other parent and/or the entire relationship with that person ... You damage your own flesh and blood if you ventilate those feelings!! You are both lucky to be parents for the first great memory you all share. Both parents are responsible for the imprints they make on their children. It generally is never a one-way street. It is not fair to your children, but as they mature and search in there past about their childhood they will remember the good from the bad. Be patient, they will know who treated them well and for what reasons. Yes, agree. My son is almost 24 and my girl is 21, both are very inquisitive and they both worked out how they feel about it all. But during the teenage years it was very trying because of what their father did (slagging me and going on about how bad our relationship had been etc., even though he had a new partner!) About a year ago my son started asking questions, I realized he was trying to work things out, based on what he'd heard from his father, me and his own memories. So I answered as open and honestly as I could. My daughter came to see her father's shortcomings after she'd moved to the States, they're barely in touch now. It saddens me that my ex still hasn't learnt how to be a dad, but I'm very happy my kids and I are very close again! Emotionally I basically lost touch with both during their teenage years, so I'm ever so grateful we managed to work things out. Doing nothing, just kept loving them regardless. Both turn to me when they need advice or help, cos they know I'm there for them if I can, I try not to judge (that doesn't work anyways) but to guide and I own up when I **** up, which I have done big time as well. So yes, patience does pay off .. but wouldn't it be great if parents could simply avoid this emotional damage by at least trying to respect each other AND the time they've spent together .. I hope you don't take what I am about to say wrong! We need to remember that men and women think differently in today's society. What was once innate in a family is now only found in countries who still practice traditional behaviour. I hope your daughter comes to realize that her father is only a man and human. He is not perfect and he has feelings' also. He had dreams about his life, what he wanted to share with his family, how he cared and loved their mother at one time - before societial conflicts interferred with his family life. People now days lose hope in realtionships. Most of our time is given to support families and ourselves. We have little financial resources to experience life to the fullest and little income to invest in our retirement, or childrens futures. We miss understand what our partner means to us, and also our partner misunderstands what they mean to us. I know nothing about your marriage, or children and what truly happened. But remember it did take small problems in the beginning to create the conflict that ended your future. One can find fault in there partner, but in is not just one person's responsibility to communicate and help understand, resolve the problems that interfer in a relationship. Life is not easy for anyone! I appreciate you putting time in your reply, but I feel you don't get what my OP was about .. |
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It's been 16 years since my divorce and my ex still talks badly about I can't tell you how it's screwed up my boys. Good topic (((PKH)))
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I really do have hard feelings for my kids dad. Im working on it though....He has a lot of problems makes mine seem small. My kids know some things and I'm sure their dad bad mouths me because sometimes they repeat it. Lol but i don't go there And I don't let my family or friends go there. I go out of my way to do the opposite. I pray for all of us to be healthy and happy. Sometimes though..... I feel for you....Such a hard situation and one that you have very little, if any control over.... Indeed ... very difficult to be in. But hang in there!! Usually things get easier when kids get older and start to understand more and more .. Big hug for you, cos it sure is very hard to endure and not react!!
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