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| Topic: What would you give up for Love | |
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Edited by
isaac_dede
on
Sun 04/26/15 06:50 PM
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Nearing 62 and being single is very hard on a guy that lives for love. Having a few health problems of my own (but I can still kick butt on most of you youngin's, and the fact there is not a lot of women near my age that are available, it is next to impossible to find that special someone that is right for me. Certainly not out my back door. Unfortunately all of my immediate family has passed on, so there is really nothing to keep me from relocating if that's what it takes to find the right one. I'm a picky guy, but only to the point that a good woman to me is just that, a good woman. So for me, I will not trade off good standards for good looks, however I would like my significant other to be pleasant to look at. With that being said, I guess the one thing I can give up is geographical boundaries. So, when it comes to the most important element in life (as far as I'm concerned), Love, what would you be willing to give up for that special someone that fits your needs. The only things i would 'give up' would be those that "I'd" want to give up to be a better person in general, but i don't see that as 'giving something up' i see that as trying to be the best possible version of myself that I can be. So if my S/O wanted me to 'give up' smoking, i'd hope it was because they wanted ME to take care of MYSELF and be around longer, but if that wasn't their motive and it was primarily "I don't like it" then they can screw off and i'll find someone else. I think giving up a 'bad habit' is something that i'd like to do regardless if another person wanted me to or not, if the only way to succeed at that is through their support then i'd appreciate it. If it's just a something that 'bugs' them, at it really has no effect on ME then they can learn to deal with it, as i'm sure i've learned to deal with things of theirs that 'bug' me as well. I don't think compromise comes in the form of 'giving something up' but instead of in the form of 'i guess i can live with that 'habit' of theirs' so i'd say that the divorce rate would be lower if people instead of adopting a 'compromise' mentality and instead adopted a 'tolerance' mentality it would be a lot better. |
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Giving up something for someone you love doesn't always work out for the best, and it changes the dynamic of the relationship , sometimes to the good, sometimes to the bad .. and for me it was bad . I was married 19 yrs to a man I knew did not like at of things..He was simple..didn't like jewelry, flowers, being romantic.. but I did , and I wanted to be with him..so I gave all that up for him...we wanted children , so for the sake of having healthy children , I had quit drinking and smoking ..also to keep our budget... bad move.. He drank more , smoked more,, and He claimed I was boring , because he lost a drinking partner, smoking partner.. a driver to drive him home from bars.. my hands were tied till my kids were old enough to understand why I left him ..I was the bad guy for yrs till they finally understood what I gave up for them .. my freedom for 15yrs . So all I can say sure its ok to give something up, compromise to be with someone you love.. but be careful of hidden agendas they might be have for letting you give these up so easily. Touche' if we could only predict the future, but you do for love what you will for love |
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Nearing 62 and being single is very hard on a guy that lives for love. Having a few health problems of my own (but I can still kick butt on most of you youngin's, and the fact there is not a lot of women near my age that are available, it is next to impossible to find that special someone that is right for me. Certainly not out my back door. Unfortunately all of my immediate family has passed on, so there is really nothing to keep me from relocating if that's what it takes to find the right one. I'm a picky guy, but only to the point that a good woman to me is just that, a good woman. So for me, I will not trade off good standards for good looks, however I would like my significant other to be pleasant to look at. With that being said, I guess the one thing I can give up is geographical boundaries. So, when it comes to the most important element in life (as far as I'm concerned), Love, what would you be willing to give up for that special someone that fits your needs. The only things i would 'give up' would be those that "I'd" want to give up to be a better person in general, but i don't see that as 'giving something up' i see that as trying to be the best possible version of myself that I can be. So if my S/O wanted me to 'give up' smoking, i'd hope it was because they wanted ME to take care of MYSELF and be around longer, but if that wasn't their motive and it was primarily "I don't like it" then they can screw off and i'll find someone else. I think giving up a 'bad habit' is something that i'd like to do regardless if another person wanted me to or not, if the only way to succeed at that is through their support then i'd appreciate it. If it's just a something that 'bugs' them, at it really has no effect on ME then they can learn to deal with it, as i'm sure i've learned to deal with things of theirs that 'bug' me as well. I don't think compromise comes in the form of 'giving something up' but instead of in the form of 'i guess i can live with that 'habit' of theirs' so i'd say that the divorce rate would be lower if people instead of adopting a 'compromise' mentality and instead adopted a 'tolerance' mentality it would be a lot better. Well put, so goes the battle of "he said, she said" Which will give first? |
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Here's what is true,in order for some relationships to move forward or just be successful,changes are the key,example,husband has a gambling problem,has responsibilities at home,rent,kids bills ECT,but he has a gambling problem,next example,wife have a family home,wife goes out with friends every night,get drunk,comes home late,husband works hard in the day and have to come do wife's house work,so op has a point as well!  |
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This is a good question. I don't know what I will change until I know him.
I would not expect him to give up his bro mate times or his hobbies because that is what his passion is. Just like he would not expect me to give up mine. Part of loving someone is allowing them to be them. |
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Well put, so goes the battle of "he said, she said" Which will give first? You'd have to elaborate on this, he said she said meaning arguments? That would depend on each individual situation, hopefully we could resolve whatever differences there were, or simply agree to disagree depending on how deep an issue ran. I no longer look at arguments like 'who won' because that implies that is game, i look at them like a mechanic looks at a car and his client, not like 'i beat you' or 'you beat me' but more like 'this is broke' and finding a solution that is resolves the issue, while still at the same time making sure his client can afford it as well, but that takes time to look at the REAL issue" i.e replacing just a radiator hose, instead of the entire radiator which may not have needed done. |
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I have question for anyone who say they won't give up nothing for their lover unless they want too,lets all remember there's two sides,what if they have given up alot for you,or there is something you want them to really give up,keep in mind you love them ,would you do it then?
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I have question for anyone who say they won't give up nothing for their lover unless they want too,lets all remember there's two sides,what if they have given up alot for you,or there is something you want them to really give up,keep in mind you love them ,would you do it then? If i truly loved them, they wouldn't have given up anything for me, because i wouldn't ask them too. |
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This is a good question. I don't know what I will change until I know him. I would not expect him to give up his bro mate times or his hobbies because that is what his passion is. Just like he would not expect me to give up mine. Part of loving someone is allowing them to be them. Good point, and it's an ongoing effort the moment 2 people commit to each other. You will never know someone inside and out as long as your together. It can happen but it's a rarity. But certainly there are things that one cannot tolerate and it's not like your laying down the law, your simply asking them to not do that. Sometimes changes have to be made in the duration of a lasting relationship. |
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I would hope that the person would want to be a better man for me. He would do anything to please me, as I would to please him. Giving up vices and addictions and bad habits to please your mate would also make you a healthier and better person. You are improving on each other.
Giving up something which gives you pleasure, like a hobby or toy collection, but it displeases your spouse, is self-sabotage. The person is selfish and doesn't love you for making you do that. I would never make my man give up something which made him happy, as long as it wasn't destructive, just to please me. So it all depends. |
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I have question for anyone who say they won't give up nothing for their lover unless they want too,lets all remember there's two sides,what if they have given up alot for you,or there is something you want them to really give up,keep in mind you love them ,would you do it then? If i truly loved them, they wouldn't have given up anything for me, because i wouldn't ask them too. Ditto... I would never ask someone to give up something unless it was something that we both needed to give up and I was willing to give it up as well. Therefore back to square one. You never ask someone to give up something unless your willing to give something up yourself.... 
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Edited by
isaac_dede
on
Sun 04/26/15 07:26 PM
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I've found that taking the guess work out of relationships is actually pretty simple.
the best advice i'd ever heard was "Be a man that says what he wants, and does what he says" it's amazing what starts happening when you follow that. and in relation to this topic, if you are that kind of man, and she knows this when you say "i'm not giving that up" she knows she's not changing your mind, and if she can't live with it, then guess we weren't right for each other, it takes the 'bickering' and 'nagging' out it, because she will know that it won't have any effect |
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I have question for anyone who say they won't give up nothing for their lover unless they want too,lets all remember there's two sides,what if they have given up alot for you,or there is something you want them to really give up,keep in mind you love them ,would you do it then? If i truly loved them, they wouldn't have given up anything for me, because i wouldn't ask them too. |
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Well put, so goes the battle of "he said, she said" Which will give first? You'd have to elaborate on this, he said she said meaning arguments? That would depend on each individual situation, hopefully we could resolve whatever differences there were, or simply agree to disagree depending on how deep an issue ran. I no longer look at arguments like 'who won' because that implies that is game, i look at them like a mechanic looks at a car and his client, not like 'i beat you' or 'you beat me' but more like 'this is broke' and finding a solution that is resolves the issue, while still at the same time making sure his client can afford it as well, but that takes time to look at the REAL issue" i.e replacing just a radiator hose, instead of the entire radiator which may not have needed done. Well, nutz! I'm an old car guy and it never occurred to me to approach things like compromise this way. Waaaay Cool. If ya don't mind, I'm going to keep this particular outlook. I'll probably share it with folks, too. 
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So look at all this in prospective. Let's take the relationship back to the start when you are first discovering things about your S/O. Before there is a commitment surely you have weighed all those different things and your love grows or it grows stale because the good outweighs the bad or vice versa. But if there was something that you could give up, even without being asked because your S/O doesn't like it. What I'm hearing is it wouldn't be appropriate to ask your partner if they wouldn't mind giving it up. The final point is, what if he doesn't identify with your distaste and by bringing it to his attention could cause him to consider change just out of his love for her. I think it's called communication, but if you just be rude and say"do it or else" then I agree............take a hike.
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I have question for anyone who say they won't give up nothing for their lover unless they want too,lets all remember there's two sides,what if they have given up alot for you,or there is something you want them to really give up,keep in mind you love them ,would you do it then? If i truly loved them, they wouldn't have given up anything for me, because i wouldn't ask them too. if it ain't fair to the 'other' party then maybe we aren't supposed to be with that 'other party' If a person likes to go out and drink friday/saturday and veg on sunday, but i like to go play volleyball on the beach every fri/sat is it fair to that other person to ask them to give up a night with their friends and join me? or is fair to you to give up playing and join them? or would it be fairer to both of you to admit that maybe you're not right for each other, and she finds the guy that likes to go out every weekend, and i find the girl interested in playing volleyball on the weekends? I personally choose the latter |
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I've found that taking the guess work out of relationships is actually pretty simple. the best advice i'd ever heard was "Be a man that says what he wants, and does what he says" it's amazing what starts happening when you follow that. and in relation to this topic, if you are that kind of man, and she knows this when you say "i'm not giving that up" she knows she's not changing your mind, and if she can't live with it, then guess we weren't right for each other, it takes the 'bickering' and 'nagging' out it, because she will know that it won't have any effect |
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Edited by
needsum12luv
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Sun 04/26/15 07:38 PM
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I have question for anyone who say they won't give up nothing for their lover unless they want too,lets all remember there's two sides,what if they have given up alot for you,or there is something you want them to really give up,keep in mind you love them ,would you do it then? If i truly loved them, they wouldn't have given up anything for me, because i wouldn't ask them too. Ditto... I would never ask someone to give up something unless it was something that we both needed to give up and I was willing to give it up as well. Therefore back to square one. You never ask someone to give up something unless your willing to give something up yourself.... so there always has to be a payback? |
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I have question for anyone who say they won't give up nothing for their lover unless they want too,lets all remember there's two sides,what if they have given up alot for you,or there is something you want them to really give up,keep in mind you love them ,would you do it then? If i truly loved them, they wouldn't have given up anything for me, because i wouldn't ask them too. I would never say never because I did give up a lot, even relocated from my family home to another state when I got married. And giving up smoking and drinking was something I did too.....I never did pick up smoking again, but I like drinking with my family and some buddies whenever we get together. And if I should ever meet someone to even feel I could love, I would be more cautious now than I was before in giving up everything, or somethings that I am comfortable or gotten used to. I doubt if I would relocate permanently, more like having 2 homes would be great, alternate, as my kids are still staying with me, and making the best of both worlds. I would look more into both getting to keep what they love and compromising on other aspects.........if you love someone enough, you would want to reach an agreement on anything just to make it work to be together. |
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Come on lol,seriously?Ok say that is or would be the case with you,we all ni not giving up somethings ain't going to help a relationship,and you both love each other,then it ain't making no sense and it may not even work,so how would that help?And I also no that some people maybe asking to much,or just tryna be difficult ECT,but there're things alot people doing and know it ain't right and ain't fair to the other party! That's right. Don't leave the cap off of the toothpaste on purpose.  and please put the toilet seat down. Thank you.
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