companionship and growth

people will be happy and unhappy sometimes regardless of relationship status

but if we find that our growth stops or we feel lonelier in a relationship than by ourself,,and the partner is not willing to work on it, it may be time to go,,

I hear you ms, but, and I hope you don't mind me pointing this out, your answer still focusses a lot on self. One pondering I have is would we be "happier" if we put more focus on our partner's needs.

Of course, some people do this and they end up gettng used. How does one avoid that pitfall?

I hear you ms, but, and I hope you don't mind me pointing this out, your answer still focusses a lot on self. One pondering I have is would we be "happier" if we put more focus on our partner's needs.

Of course, some people do this and they end up gettng used. How does one avoid that pitfall?

If you're not happy, you shouldn't be in it. Period. In practically every relationship there's gonna be some give and take, but if there's a LOT of it, seems to me that your partner isn't your perfect match and you're just settling. If you constantly have to put a lot of focus into keeping the other happy, there's something wrong because obviously they aren't happy with who you are.

These are all definteily true, I guess the question is how do you strike a balance between keeping true to yourself but also meeting your partners needs? HOw do you communicate if you feeel the balance is becoming inappropriate

I think this becomes even harder once we've been injured. If we have given are all, so to speak, and feel like it gained us nothing, then how do we learn to give again?

Also, how long do we try to fix an unhappy relationship before we throw on the towel? I know other threads have touched on this and it is not a simple questions. a lot fo parameters are involved. Length of relationship, if children are involved? Assests?

Aren't all the questions you are asking up to each couple? There is no boilerplate answer to your issues. They figure things out as they go.

Well, possibly, but I think there must a basic template that we all build on.

Isn't the BASIC template just not to kill the other (unless you have a good place to hide the body and a very good alibi)? BASIC went out in the 80's though.....

I heard a man speak once, he had been married 50 years. They asked him "What is the secret to a long marriage?"

He answerd: Well sir, you wake up one of two ways in the morning. First way, you wake up look at your spouse and say "Oh, what an angel, I just love her so much, she's is my joy.", the other times you say "This pillow, three minutes and nobody would know." Now, if the first one happens more often than the second, you stay married.

Well, my intial thought was so many times I hear "My partner didn't make me happy", "My partner didn't fulfill me"

Is that their job?

It is never easy sharing your space with another person. This includes, as we are growing up, parents and siblings. You are at each other's throats. Then you move out of the house and maybe live with a roommate. Again, at each other's throats. Finally, the ultimate, your spouse and children. At each other's throats. All relationships take work.

Well, in a way, maybe. They shouldn't make you unhappy though.

This is VERY true Iam.