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| Topic: Parting ways after being in a long term relationship | |
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Why people part ways after being in a relationship after a long, say a 10 year old, relationship? Let's leave cheating since that has no other solution but what about other reasons.
It's really curious since they stood up for the other in many situations, worked out problems, and had a lot of moments that they can recollect for their entire life. What else could break their relationship, while they survived a lot more until that breaking point? |
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Good evening Sir. May be people get tired of standing on the tiptoes ...
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there are a lot of factors that can end a long term relationship like emotional problems from dealing with the death of a loved one or miscarriages. I have learned that cheating is not the source of a breakup but a symptom of a larger unresolved problem that was going on in the relationship
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Edited by
mohankumar101
on
Sat 05/07/16 02:28 PM
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Thanks for sharing your views people. I appreciate your time.
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there are a lot of factors that can end a long term relationship like emotional problems from dealing with the death of a loved one or miscarriages. I have learned that cheating is not the source of a breakup but a symptom of a larger unresolved problem that was going on in the relationship I completely agree with you on dealing with emotional problems in a relationship, that could potentially put an end. |
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Good evening Sir. May be people get tired of standing on the tiptoes ... It is frustrating. I agree with you. One thing to consider according to me is that, it is worth opening up to take it to resolution rather than breaking up such a bonding, but that's just me thinking that way. Good day to you too 
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I can look at my parents generation....
They, stayed together for years and years... Determined to do so for the children... I learned later in life they had many issues, and finally the dam wall burst and they split.... So I guess they reached their limit... These days people split a lot sooner, not willing to waste years in a unhappy relationship... |
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I think people are embracing the idea that life is short and after putting in a certain amount of years in trying to salvage a relationship that doesn't appear to be working, they abandon the relationship in search of their greater goal in life, which is overall happiness
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there are a lot of factors that can end a long term relationship like emotional problems from dealing with the death of a loved one or miscarriages. I have learned that cheating is not the source of a breakup but a symptom of a larger unresolved problem that was going on in the relationship Excellent answer.. I think also for me and a lot of other people when you start taking for granted the other. Communication breaks down and the end starts. |
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When I look back over the few long relationships I've had, I can see from my later perspective, that they were defective from the start.
So I would add, that sometimes, the only reason why the relationships ARE long, is because at least one of the people are trying very hard. That's why, I think, a fair number of people list as one of their "yellow flags" at least, that the prospective new mate is all about pleasures of the moment, or who go on and on about what they "deserve." |
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Let's leave cheating since that has no other solution That should answer your question. Why "leave" cheating? You are admitting there is a legitimate reason for ending a relationship. Everything else is subjective. To some, a boring relationship is just as bad as cheating, so to them they have a legitimate reason to end it. To others, high amounts of stress or arguing is just as bad as cheating, so to them they have a legitimate reason to end it. You may want to just "leave" reasons as obvious, but to other people their reasons are obvious to them where you might simply not accept or understand them or find them justifiable. After that the answer to the question of: Why people part ways after being in a relationship after a long, say a 10 year old, relationship? is "any reason they feel is legitimate, from their subjective perspective, to justify ending a relationship." What else could break their relationship, while they survived a lot more until that breaking point? Anything can break a relationship. Different people have different breaking points based on different things. And people are constantly changing throughout their life which changes their breaking point(s). It's why communication and listening and spending time with your partner is so important. Relationships are defined by the people in them, relationships don't define people (except maybe dom/sub relationships). So relationships don't "break," people simply change/end them. A relationship can't break unless a person ultimately decides they want it to. Relationships don't "break" with people going "omg, but we are so happy and perfect right now...ugh, I hate it when this happens, darn, guess it's over since the relationship broke, oh well..." Relationships don't break, people just don't want to be part of them, and then they break the relationship. If you want a generic answer of "why" then that's easy. Long term relationships end either because: 1. They aren't getting what they need/want from it. 2. They know they can get what they need want from somewhere else. 3. The costs (emotional, physical, mental, financial, whatever) of keeping it up causes more stress than it alleviates. 4. Some combination or all of 1-3. And sometimes the things the people "survive" just caused stress they keep with them, adding to the burden. |
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I think people are embracing the idea that life is short and after putting in a certain amount of years in trying to salvage a relationship that doesn't appear to be working, they abandon the relationship in search of their greater goal in life, which is overall happiness I agree with this 100% |
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I think people are embracing the idea that life is short and after putting in a certain amount of years in trying to salvage a relationship that doesn't appear to be working, they abandon the relationship in search of their greater goal in life, which is overall happiness That's a good answer. The society I grew up around had always put the "being in a relationship" and kids in front of any individual's preferences so I hadn't thought of that. |
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Let's leave cheating since that has no other solution That should answer your question. Why "leave" cheating? You are admitting there is a legitimate reason for ending a relationship. Everything else is subjective. To some, a boring relationship is just as bad as cheating, so to them they have a legitimate reason to end it. To others, high amounts of stress or arguing is just as bad as cheating, so to them they have a legitimate reason to end it. You may want to just "leave" reasons as obvious, but to other people their reasons are obvious to them where you might simply not accept or understand them or find them justifiable. After that the answer to the question of: Why people part ways after being in a relationship after a long, say a 10 year old, relationship? is "any reason they feel is legitimate, from their subjective perspective, to justify ending a relationship." What else could break their relationship, while they survived a lot more until that breaking point? Anything can break a relationship. Different people have different breaking points based on different things. And people are constantly changing throughout their life which changes their breaking point(s). It's why communication and listening and spending time with your partner is so important. Relationships are defined by the people in them, relationships don't define people (except maybe dom/sub relationships). So relationships don't "break," people simply change/end them. A relationship can't break unless a person ultimately decides they want it to. Relationships don't "break" with people going "omg, but we are so happy and perfect right now...ugh, I hate it when this happens, darn, guess it's over since the relationship broke, oh well..." Relationships don't break, people just don't want to be part of them, and then they break the relationship. If you want a generic answer of "why" then that's easy. Long term relationships end either because: 1. They aren't getting what they need/want from it. 2. They know they can get what they need want from somewhere else. 3. The costs (emotional, physical, mental, financial, whatever) of keeping it up causes more stress than it alleviates. 4. Some combination or all of 1-3. And sometimes the things the people "survive" just caused stress they keep with them, adding to the burden. That's a good answer. It covers lot of dimensions that can lead to break up in a long relationship. The society I grew up around had always put the "being in a relationship" and "kids" in front of any individual's preferences so the dumb question. Good day to you.
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When I look back over the few long relationships I've had, I can see from my later perspective, that they were defective from the start. So I would add, that sometimes, the only reason why the relationships ARE long, is because at least one of the people are trying very hard. That's why, I think, a fair number of people list as one of their "yellow flags" at least, that the prospective new mate is all about pleasures of the moment, or who go on and on about what they "deserve." I appreciate your time sharing your thoughts. Good day to you.
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I can look at my parents generation.... They, stayed together for years and years... Determined to do so for the children... I learned later in life they had many issues, and finally the dam wall burst and they split.... So I guess they reached their limit... These days people split a lot sooner, not willing to waste years in a unhappy relationship... I can totally correlate this with my own personal experiences too. I was uncommon for people to end up living separate, part ways in my childhood days. But as time moves on so called "society engine" also changes. I see it was the peer societal pressure and, to some extent, monetary support that they were getting in a relationship didn't allow people to part ways. |
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Let's leave cheating since that has no other solution That should answer your question. Why "leave" cheating? You are admitting there is a legitimate reason for ending a relationship. Everything else is subjective. To some, a boring relationship is just as bad as cheating, so to them they have a legitimate reason to end it. To others, high amounts of stress or arguing is just as bad as cheating, so to them they have a legitimate reason to end it. You may want to just "leave" reasons as obvious, but to other people their reasons are obvious to them where you might simply not accept or understand them or find them justifiable. After that the answer to the question of: Why people part ways after being in a relationship after a long, say a 10 year old, relationship? is "any reason they feel is legitimate, from their subjective perspective, to justify ending a relationship." What else could break their relationship, while they survived a lot more until that breaking point? Anything can break a relationship. Different people have different breaking points based on different things. And people are constantly changing throughout their life which changes their breaking point(s). It's why communication and listening and spending time with your partner is so important. Relationships are defined by the people in them, relationships don't define people (except maybe dom/sub relationships). So relationships don't "break," people simply change/end them. A relationship can't break unless a person ultimately decides they want it to. Relationships don't "break" with people going "omg, but we are so happy and perfect right now...ugh, I hate it when this happens, darn, guess it's over since the relationship broke, oh well..." Relationships don't break, people just don't want to be part of them, and then they break the relationship. If you want a generic answer of "why" then that's easy. Long term relationships end either because: 1. They aren't getting what they need/want from it. 2. They know they can get what they need want from somewhere else. 3. The costs (emotional, physical, mental, financial, whatever) of keeping it up causes more stress than it alleviates. 4. Some combination or all of 1-3. And sometimes the things the people "survive" just caused stress they keep with them, adding to the burden. *  ciretom Consistent quality |
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I can look at my parents generation.... They, stayed together for years and years... Determined to do so for the children... I learned later in life they had many issues, and finally the dam wall burst and they split.... So I guess they reached their limit... These days people split a lot sooner, not willing to waste years in a unhappy relationship... Well said sir! Although in my case it was that after the kids had grown and moved out of the house, that all the issues that were over looked or minimized throughout the years became so apparent without the kids. Once the kids are gone being busy with activities, school, sports, and all the other stuff leaves lots of free time. The long time issues that got put off by time constraints over the years are now exposed and the floodlight glares on them. Then you have no choice but to address what was overlooked for years, and hopefully you can accept or compromise a solution to the problem. In my particular case neither of those options were possible, because we also realized her kids were what kept us together and the main thing we truly had in common. We had reached our limit, split, and decided to go our separate ways. |
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I think its really important to think about the welfare of the kids. However, most people nowadays separate ways just because of inadequate love for each other. They turn away not considering the very reason why they chose to stay with each other. Maybe its really about holding on, not letting the fire go down :)
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They turn away not considering the very reason why they chose to stay with each other. Exactly what I wanted to express. Thanks. |
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