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| Topic: Ending An Affair | |
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fellow I know quite well found he was not interested in the woman with whom he has had an affair with for some time. Is it normal for someone to just shut it down, no explanation, no answering the phone or returning texts or emails? When it is over it is over. I agree with you but don't you feel someone should at least bring some sort of closure to the other? I do not believe psychological closure exists. It is just a way of hanging on. And can do more harm. http://archive.boston.com/lifestyle/health/articles/2011/09/04/the_myth_of_closure/ I think should break up in person, if possible * Unless that might be dangerous * You could very well be right. It just seems callous to me, not to at least explain somehow |
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Edited by
wolfman3838
on
Sat 05/14/16 02:18 PM
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Maybe he is just a fan of sleepovers  Or maybe he just wants someone to sing him a lullaby. Why do you care much about this ? Hmm it is not your friend right ? This is you all along ?! I knew it          If it was me I would say so!. Do not jump to conclusions. I just care about both of them. 
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Maybe he is just a fan of sleepovers Or maybe he just wants someone to sing him a lullaby. Why do you care much about this ? Hmm it is not your friend right ? This is you all along ?! I knew it If it was me I would say so!. Do not jump to conclusions. I just care about both of them. 
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Question? A divorced fellow I know quite well found he was not interested in the woman with whom he has had a romantic affair with for many months. Is it normal for someone to just shut it down, no explanation, no answering the phone or returning texts or emails? To me, the way he is handling the situation is rude, disrespectful and mean. I never ever heard them fight or even argue, now just stone cold silence. How can anyone treat another with such cold callous behavior? Any thoughts????? Shutting down is a weak, cowardly way to end anything.... Man up...say your piece...it will still hurt her but at least it is a closure of sorts.... |
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You know!!!...that is what anyone deserves is the decency of a spoken word. good or bad |
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You know!!!...that is what anyone deserves is the decency of a spoken word. good or bad I agree...decency is a trait sadly lacking in these days of instant gratification... |
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Why peel a bandage slowly...rip it off in one shot... nice and clean.
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You know!!!...that is what anyone deserves is the decency of a spoken word. good or bad I agree...decency is a trait sadly lacking in these days of instant gratification...  
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Why peel a bandage slowly...rip it off in one shot... nice and clean. No explanation? everyone deserves that, man or woman |
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Why peel a bandage slowly...rip it off in one shot... nice and clean. No explanation? everyone deserves that, man or woman It might be more painful to sit and listen to them tell me all the ways I have disappointed them...it would probably be a long list. 
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Why peel a bandage slowly...rip it off in one shot... nice and clean. No explanation? everyone deserves that, man or woman It might be more painful to sit and listen to them tell me all the ways I have disappointed them...it would probably be a long list. I can relate to that...one of my exs wanted to be friends...but every time we chatted...she would do that....grrrr... |
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Is it normal for someone to just shut it down, no explanation, no answering the phone or returning texts or emails? This isn't a very good question. I mean for all I know this is how the guy has always broken up with everyone in his entire life. Then it is absolutely "normal" for him. For all I know this is the first time he's ever done anything like this. Then this is completely abnormal to him. For all I know they were only FWB and one time she said "god, if you ever have feelings for me or want to stop, then just stop, don't drag me into any kind of drama, if the time comes for this to end or you want more, just go away, okay? When it runs its course it runs its course. Kind of like the end of Goodwill Hunting. Just don't be there when I knock." Then it would be perfectly normal for that relationship and for her. You can't point out vague behavior without any kind of meaningful context and ask if it's "normal" to the human race and expect any kind of meaningful response. To me, the way he is handling the situation is rude, disrespectful and mean. Good thing that's not you in the situation then. I never ever heard them fight or even argue Were you around them 24/7 365, constantly at their heels, or his absolute confidante with which he entrusted his soul to, where he has absolutely no secrets not even his bank account? If not, then at best you only saw a fraction of their actual relationship. How can anyone treat another with such cold callous behavior? Sometimes in some situations that's the best possible decision. Haven't you ever read White Fang? Have you never received an email from a scammer or advertisement to make your penis larger and you just ignored it, knowing nothing good or fruitful would come out of responding to it, or sitting them down and working out a solution so they'll stop emailing you? If you've ever ignored a telemarketer, if you've ever not responded to any voicemail, email, or homeless guy request for money, if you've ever driven by a car crash and not immediately jumped out to help the firefighters and policemen, then you have the potential to just "treat another with such cold callous behavior." At best you just haven't encountered a situation unique to you to trigger that behavior. don't you feel someone should at least bring some sort of closure to the other? Do you really believe that is realistic? "Ugh. I just don't want anything to do with them anymore. I want to just disappear and get away. I want this over with. I know! I'll become their therapist and learn how to bring them closure!" Karma will return one day and bite him in the azz. How do you know him doing this isn't her karma and what she's done in the past warrants this, and thereby him doing this is a "good" deed, righting the scales? Do you presume what you define as right and wrong, good and bad, is what karma defines as right and wrong, good and bad? You should always break up with someone in the manner you wish it done to you. IMO this presumes they will respond or behave in the same way you would to being broken up with that way. At best this is saying "I don't want to listen when you tell me how you wish to be treated, I'm simply going to assume you're me to make it easier for myself." Unless that's your point? Causing the least amount of dissonance to yourself and they don't really matter? do it with respect, dignity and closure Great. And if that doesn't really work? If they take your respect and dignity as condescension and keep getting madder, and argumentative, and not understanding, and start judging you, and getting vindictive, and feel your respectful and dignified manner means that they aren't respectful or dignified so have to continue the relationship until they can win you seeing them as such? If they don't achieve closure from whatever you think is supposed to bring them closure? What if your respectful, dignified, closuring manner isn't understood by them how you intend it to? And what if you are in a relationship with someone, where you've developed communication, and trust, and understanding, and knowledge of who they are to a degree you know exactly what they'll do, what they'll understand, what they'll think, what they'll feel, as well as their coping mechanism to this kind of thing, and the best thing to do for them is to just disappear? Do you then not disappear to assuage your own personal desire to act according to how you think you should act towards them thereby communicating that your self image is more important than their feelings? |
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Is it normal for someone to just shut it down, no explanation, no answering the phone or returning texts or emails? This isn't a very good question. I mean for all I know this is how the guy has always broken up with everyone in his entire life. Then it is absolutely "normal" for him. For all I know this is the first time he's ever done anything like this. Then this is completely abnormal to him. For all I know they were only FWB and one time she said "god, if you ever have feelings for me or want to stop, then just stop, don't drag me into any kind of drama, if the time comes for this to end or you want more, just go away, okay? When it runs its course it runs its course. Kind of like the end of Goodwill Hunting. Just don't be there when I knock." Then it would be perfectly normal for that relationship and for her. You can't point out vague behavior without any kind of meaningful context and ask if it's "normal" to the human race and expect any kind of meaningful response. To me, the way he is handling the situation is rude, disrespectful and mean. Good thing that's not you in the situation then. I never ever heard them fight or even argue Were you around them 24/7 365, constantly at their heels, or his absolute confidante with which he entrusted his soul to, where he has absolutely no secrets not even his bank account? If not, then at best you only saw a fraction of their actual relationship. How can anyone treat another with such cold callous behavior? Sometimes in some situations that's the best possible decision. Haven't you ever read White Fang? Have you never received an email from a scammer or advertisement to make your penis larger and you just ignored it, knowing nothing good or fruitful would come out of responding to it, or sitting them down and working out a solution so they'll stop emailing you? If you've ever ignored a telemarketer, if you've ever not responded to any voicemail, email, or homeless guy request for money, if you've ever driven by a car crash and not immediately jumped out to help the firefighters and policemen, then you have the potential to just "treat another with such cold callous behavior." At best you just haven't encountered a situation unique to you to trigger that behavior. don't you feel someone should at least bring some sort of closure to the other? Do you really believe that is realistic? "Ugh. I just don't want anything to do with them anymore. I want to just disappear and get away. I want this over with. I know! I'll become their therapist and learn how to bring them closure!" Karma will return one day and bite him in the azz. How do you know him doing this isn't her karma and what she's done in the past warrants this, and thereby him doing this is a "good" deed, righting the scales? Do you presume what you define as right and wrong, good and bad, is what karma defines as right and wrong, good and bad? You should always break up with someone in the manner you wish it done to you. IMO this presumes they will respond or behave in the same way you would to being broken up with that way. At best this is saying "I don't want to listen when you tell me how you wish to be treated, I'm simply going to assume you're me to make it easier for myself." Unless that's your point? Causing the least amount of dissonance to yourself and they don't really matter? do it with respect, dignity and closure Great. And if that doesn't really work? If they take your respect and dignity as condescension and keep getting madder, and argumentative, and not understanding, and start judging you, and getting vindictive, and feel your respectful and dignified manner means that they aren't respectful or dignified so have to continue the relationship until they can win you seeing them as such? If they don't achieve closure from whatever you think is supposed to bring them closure? What if your respectful, dignified, closuring manner isn't understood by them how you intend it to? And what if you are in a relationship with someone, where you've developed communication, and trust, and understanding, and knowledge of who they are to a degree you know exactly what they'll do, what they'll understand, what they'll think, what they'll feel, as well as their coping mechanism to this kind of thing, and the best thing to do for them is to just disappear? Do you then not disappear to assuage your own personal desire to act according to how you think you should act towards them thereby communicating that your self image is more important than their feelings? Very good... I guess I have much to learn about people even though they are both my friends 
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I personally feel when it is time to say goodbye then do it with class. Keeping in mind that this person you have been having an affair or relationship at one time was someone that you thought was pretty damn awesome.
Take the time to give closure to both people. Keep it honest, respectful and decent. Take the high road always is my opinion |
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Your pal is the jerk of spades...
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I personally feel when it is time to say goodbye then do it with class. Keeping in mind that this person you have been having an affair or relationship at one time was someone that you thought was pretty damn awesome. Take the time to give closure to both people. Keep it honest, respectful and decent. Take the high road always is my opinion I could not have said it better. Thanks
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nice interesting read.
Different views...:::
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Your pal is the jerk of spades... I agree with you. No one should be treated like that and he has been told my views on it to his face. |
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nice interesting read. Different views...::: Thank you
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Edited by
Mary_Malone
on
Sun 05/15/16 09:53 AM
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I have to admit, I think your friend is a coward for not at least talking to the woman he had the affair with. Just imagine what she'll be thinking about him. She will think he's a cold man, with no heart. How wouldn't she? After all, he's abandoned her. I wouldn't be surprised if she got with another man so soon. He can't have loved his wife that much, to be having an affair behind her back. Sorry dude, but your friend sounds like trouble. I would just listen to what he has to say about the whole thing, but I'd leave it at that. He created his own mess. I wouldn't bother giving him advice. He sounds like the common denominator in this mess. Two women on the go at once-not good.
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